The book, "The Untethered Soul- The Journey Beyond Yourself" by Michael Singer is filled with insights about how we navigate this world and how our perceptions are crucial in how we live our lives….as well as how we use energy.
I found these paragraphs described the changes in my life. How I used to live in fear and now I live open to what is…as life presents itself.
"Ultimately, if you protect yourself perfectly, you will never grow. All your habits and idiosyncrasies will stay the same. Life becomes stagnant when people protect their stored issues. People say things like, “You know we don’t talk about that subject around your father.” There are all these rules about things that are not supposed to happen outside because they could cause disturbance inside. Living like this allows for very little spontaneous joy, enthusiasm, and excitement for life. Most people just go from day to day protecting themselves and making sure nothing goes too wrong. At the end of the day, when someone asks, “How was your day?” a normal response is, “Not too bad,” or “I’ll survive.” What is that telling you about their view of life? They see life as a threat. A good day means you made it through without getting hurt. The longer you live like this, the more closed you become."
"If you really want to grow, you have to do the opposite. Real spiritual growth happens when there is only one of you inside. There’s not a part that’s scared and another part that’s protecting the part that’s scared. All parts are unified. Because there is no part of you that you’re not willing to see, the mind is no longer divided into the conscious and subconscious. Everything you see inside is just something you see inside. It’s not you; it’s what you see. There is simply the pure energy pouring inside of you that creates the ripples of thoughts and emotions, and there is the consciousness that’s aware of it. There is simply you watching the dance of the psyche."
"Begin by seeing the tendency to protect and defend yourself. There is a very deep, innate tendency to close, especially around your soft spots. But eventually you will notice that closing creates tremendous work. Once you close, you have to make sure that what you protected doesn’t get disturbed. You then carry this task for the rest of your life. The alternative is to become conscious enough to simply watch the part of your being that is constantly trying to protect itself. You can then give yourself the ultimate gift by deciding not to do that anymore. You decide, instead, to get rid of that part."
"Once you’ve made the commitment to free yourself of that scared person inside, you will notice that there is a clear decision point at which your growth takes place. Spiritual growth is about the point at which you start to feel your energy change." Michael Singer
What I have noticed since I have stopped defending my sore spots, is that people truly do live this awkward posture. They are not free to live, they simply survive another day of not being hurt...yet they are crippled and don't know it. They are living with their body and life curved into itself trying to protect the pains they don't want to feel.
My husband's family nature is to not talk about it...and hope for a new change... tomorrow...without actually doing anything.
In my experience, it doesn't work, for they are not willing to enter into places of uncomfortableness. I have experienced great trauma and no one asks me about it. And yet, when I enter the room, trauma came with me. It was the elephant, while we made small talk around it.
When I was the elephant, I felt that they didn't want to engage with me, for it was too uncomfortable.
My history, my life was too uncomfortable for them to enter into, so I was left out and instead we all pretended we wanted to discuss the weather, politics....etc.
I feel sensitive now to how a child must feel, when abuse happens to them, and their adults are not comfortable talking about things that make them uncomfortable....the child feels they are the cause. When in fact, the child is only bumping into the sore spot inside of the adult, that the adult wants to protect.
In my experience, the adults in my life, at the time of my abuse, choose to defend their own inner pain...and did not enter into my uncomfortable reality of abuse.
NOT talking about it...is not a cure for abuse.
I am still talking and entering into uncomfortable places, for I do not want a child to believe that their abuse makes them a leper in our society....
I looked up the word Leper to see if I had this correct.
Leper
"A person who is avoided or rejected by others for moral or social reasons: "she was a social leper".
It is my opinion that we the abused are made to feel like lepers, due to the fact that folks want to avoid and reject uncomfortable topics. This is due not so much to what happened to us, but what is inside of them.
They don't want to feel their own pain, so they reject and avoid us.
A huge flag is waving in your family and life, if you are not able to be comfortable with the uncomfortable subjects in life. It means you have a wound inside of you your are protecting and defending. As you close around your wound, you are closing me out.
There is a wall I bump up against. A cement barrier inside of them. They blame me for being the cause of their uncomfortableness...when in fact, they can't get near me due to the sore spot inside of them. In defending that, they hurry away from me.
What I know for certain their are millions of abused children, adult children who are left alone, rejected and avoided...not due to being abused, but rather due to this pervasive reflex to protect their own inner pain.
If your parents are still unhealed, you will not find an oasis there...you will not be welcomed in with your pain, but rather avoided and rejected. We, the abused take this personally, that there is now something wrong with us...that we are damaged and that someone you love, doesn't want to be near you.
We are now unlovable.
We are now untouchable.
We are rejected and avoided...now that abuse has happened to us.
The reason abuse continues to flow is because each generation will not be with the hurt child, for instead they are protecting their pain inside of them. They don't want to feel pain, so they leave the wounded child alone.
Until the wounded adult children of abuse stand up and feel their pain, abuse will flow to the next generation. When your child is in pain, you will reject them....look away and find a 'bright' spot to focus on. You will let your child deal alone with their pains....Teaching them, that pain is something to keep hidden.
Hiding pain is the sole reason abuse flourishes.
I will continue to Live LOUD. Talking loudly about my abuse.
