"Repetition is not failure. Ask the waves, ask the leaves, ask the wind. There is no expected pace for inner learning. What we need to learn comes when we need it, no matter how old or young, no matter how many times we have to start over, no matter how many times we have to learn the same lesson. We fall down as many times as we need to, to learn how to fall and get up. We fall in love as many times as we need to, to learn how to hold and be held. We misunderstand the many voices of truth as many times as we need to, to truly hear the choir of diversity that surrounds us. We suffer our pain as often as is necessary for us to learn how to break and how to heal. No one really likes this, of course, but we deal with our dislike in the same way, again and again, until we learn what we need to know about the humility of acceptance." Mark Nepo, The book of Awakening
Isn't it funny how we don't want to repeat things, but want things to stay the same, and oh, we want things to change without having to change.
We can either be a willing participant in the flow of life as a learner or we can be dragged kicking and screaming into the next lesson, and the next lesson.
The Universe is set up for ultimate learning...each lesson gets repeated Until you get it. It doesn't allow skipping ahead. Some may not see the lesson the first time or the 100th time. Others learn to ask, "What is this situation here to teach me?"
I look at myself in life either standing with the Universe/reality or against it. Most of my life lessons have been to show me where I have been blind. Where the Universe and I did not match. My 'truths' and The Truth were miles apart.
I have learned to be a good learner...and to be willing to let my ideas, thoughts and beliefs, be wrong.
Here is today's reading by Mark Nepo.
"Far out at sea, a tuna fleet surrounded a group of spinner dolphins swimming over a school of tuna, catching them in a gigantic net. Small, powerful speedboats circled the animals, creating a wall of sound that disoriented and terrified the dolphins, who sank down silently into the net, only the movement of their eyes showing signs of life. But when a dolphin crossed the corkline at the edge of the net, it knew it was free. It burst forward, propelled by powerful wide tail strokes…. It then dove, swimming at full speed … down and away into the dark water, only to burst from the surface in a high bounding series of leaps." —JEFFREY MOUSSAIEFF MASSON
"This dolphin moment reveals a recurring sequence for us as human beings. Confined against our will—or even sometimes confined with our own consent—we go lifeless as we feel the need for space. Feeling confined, fearful, enervated, not sure where the edge of the net is—this is the depressive, confusing struggle that always precedes freedom."
"But like these magnificent dolphins, we know the instant we are free, as an inner power overwhelms us, and we are compelled with joy to explore the deep which gives us the grace to break the surface, bounding briefly into a Oneness that is hard to imagine."
"This whole process describes in a moment of nature what Carl Jung called “the way of individuation”: how a divided individual sorts through their deepest confinements in order to pursue a wholeness of being."
"If we have a call, it is to outlast the net so we can dive and break surface." Mark Nepo
I love how he says, "Confined against our will—or even sometimes confined with our own consent—we go lifeless as we feel the need for space. Feeling confined, fearful, enervated, not sure where the edge of the net is—this is the depressive, confusing struggle that always precedes freedom."
Confined WITH our consent, is the key phrase...and how depressive, confusing struggle is what comes before freedom!
Who knew that confusing depressive feelings are the struggle that will gain your freedom. To sit with those feelings and question your confinement.
Feeling confused is a good thing...it means you are noticing the net...the individual you is stirring. Listen and feel...be aware. Watch your actions, your thoughts and others.
It may be time to start the lessons of your truth...how are you seeing reality and how do you feel in your reality.
My body wasn't at peace in my old reality...I was no longer willing to be confined by the churches narrow individual stealing beliefs. I was stirring before my childhood abuse truth surfaced.
What I know, is that there are more women like me out there. Who are restless. Who are wanting something more. Who are tired trying to make work, that which is impossible to make work. Who are empty of self. Who are wanting more freedom to be, who are straining for the opening in the net...
Within the churches pews are women who don't know how to begin to begin...who have never swam alone, never gone against the teachings of the church and family...who find themselves in abusive relationships, without skills to escape the net.
A few have made it out....the path is being cleared. Strength comes in knowing you are not alone. You are not the only one, but one in many. It wasn't your fault. You were born into a system fully in play.
The day will come when it is your time to slip the net. You will know. You will reach the moment when you know it is over. When you know you have to leave or die inside the net.
Once I cleared the net...empowerment truly came. Self empowerment...a free individual...strong in following my own truth.
Tom Rosemurgy- ([email protected] )and Dial Help (482-9077) are two key places that will help you transition...they can partner with you on your exit out.
And I am here to lend what I know. [email protected]
Reach out....and the net will open.
You are not alone.
