Is it possible to engage with one man whose roles are so far apart and not pick one? How can you manage in your mind an abusing father and not have to pick one as the majority? Is it possible to literally put father in a preemptive role over sexual abuser?
I had to make sure I had the word Preemptive correct....
Preemptive..."Serving or intended to forestall something, esp. to prevent attack by disabling the enemy: "a preemptive strike".
I did not put father in place trying to forstall the abuse, in fact I did the opposite. I put the abuser in first place and the father second. For the affects of his abuse far outweighed any father stuff I received.
So each of us will mourn the loss differently depending upon which role was in first place.
If it is Dad or abuser.
If it is Grandpa or abuser.
It matters what you have tried to preempt.
I am guilty of preempting the father....and my focus has been primarily on the abuser's damage to me. The abuser's damage was too loud to hear the faint father things he did.
In listening to my brother speak of how my parents arranged their home to best suit the pedophile, to how my mother was nagged to call and get girls to his Sunday dinner, I can't believe that preempting the abuser is possible? How do you save father and mother from this? How can you not see that the intentions of engagement with their children and their children's children have not all been for the good of the abuser? Roast dinners now make me gag...they were the last supper of innocence for many.
That no matter how hard you try and see the 'good' it will be preempted by evil.
Many are wanting to "forgive" and forget....and to move on. What they are wanting to desperately do, is to stall the attack of evil feelings...of evil knowing.
To know to the DNA of your soul....they were not kind, but evil. Their lives were set up to serve a pedophile and serve it they did.
Overlooking their evil adult behavior will not stall the evil from continuing.
They need your blind faith and loving forgiveness and willingness to preempt all bad, always...to keep mom and dad in first place. Come on good children, DO THAT.
I am seen as angry, bitter and insane FOR not preempting evil...I am crazy for putting their evil deeds first. Really? Did I set the candy dish in a place where little children had to climb over his lap to get a sweet treat??? Did I put the guilt on the adult children for not going to Sunday Dinner? Really?
All my actions since 2004, have been to preempt father and to get you all to see the evil AND to respond in kind. Not only was my mother played like a fiddle, so too have most of the children.
When will you not see that father and mother are preempted in their worlds, that evil has taken first seat? What will it take for you all to start acting like abused children instead of children? To start seeing the damage and toll it has taken in your lives to not step away from thy father and thy mother and stop honoring them?
I am now and forever grateful, that I did not preempt evil.
Seeing this from the eyes of a loving child looking at their parents/grandparent OR from the eyes of an abused child, will make all the difference in the world.
The two natures don't match, they have to be kept apart.
A loving father and an Abusive father are polar opposites....so trying to keep this dueling energies alive inside is impossible, one wins out.
I let the father go for my sanity...
Doesn't it seem insane, that by letting go of the loving one, I found my sanity.
But, look back into our childhood home and tell me the efforts that were made to be a father...or loving grandparents. Can you really really really....say that, when it was all set up to trap the next victim.
You all are preempting my voice, my questioning, my relentless blogging on this....to let go, move on....and be happy. Is it possible? Can you forstall forever what it has done to you?
It is my belief, that your lives are set up to bring your truth to you. It is begging now for your attention. It is more relentless than I. It will badger you and hunt you down. There is no escaping your truth. Abuse neglected WILL show up again and again and again, Until you change how you deal.
Preempting it is only forstalling the inevitable.
Did your mother escape the evil? Did her marriage thrive and flourish by 'moving on' again and again from evil?
How are many any different than her. Knowing you are dealing with an abuser, but doing many things for him anyway? You are doing a role, just like her.
