The greatest tragedy of abuse isn't that you were abused, but rather that you never get your self worth back, that somehow the seed that was planted of you being less, grows and flourishes; and you never know your innocence again.
Having been abused wasn't what wrecked my life for 46 years, but rather that no one stepped in and said it wasn't okay...that my father was wrong. In the absence of this, I grew up believin I WAS.
Something was wrong with me, not that something wrong happened to me.
It is this vast landscape of apathy and ignorance that feeds into the child's system, for no one is opposing their abusers. Silence is for the benefit of the abuser, always.
A comment was made to me by a Defender of the FALC in the Extoots blog, that not everyone has to be so public to be against abuse, and I agree. My first steps were not public steps, but private ones.
I stood up for myself against my family. This is where the real work is done. I have been ridiculed by family members for this. They do not believe that you have to separate from family in order to heal.
And, if I could have found a way to honor my body, mind and soul by staying with the ones who abused me, I would have. There didn't seem to be a way.
The reason I believe that I was able to do this, was that my life no longer was easy...the discontent was building up between my mind, my body and my spirit...and I began stirring for my own voice, my own life...and it just so happened, that then is when the truth about my father entered into my life.
I was given, I feel, a second chance to dance with abuse. To either be silent again and to forgive and overlook this behavior and to allow another little girl to lose sight of her innocence.
The more folks sought to help and support him, the more lost the little girl gets...based on my experiences. As a child, no adult dared to stand up and speak out in 'public' or in private about who my father was and how his actions affected their lives. I did.
I would do it all again...for my little girl, for my innocence and for any one out there looking for someone to see abuse...and not try and build up a story around it...making excuses and working to forgive and forget it. For what they are forgetting is your innocence.
My whole intention was to speak out from my point of view...to shed some light upon the actions of the past and the actions today. The same Defender of the FALC, said that he doubts that today, the same shoving under the rug tactics are still being used by the members of the church.
Again, it isn't to outwardly report and to speak out in public, but to do the hardest steps of all. Step away from the members of your family who are abusive. To no longer associate with them.
I have had first hand knowledge of abuse from other families and the family unit stands strong. So, don't tell me, that abuse is being handled differently, it is not.
Sure, there may be talk about abuse, about other people abusing other people, but silence about their own family secrets and certainly no action to step away from family of origin or relatives not to mention friends. And silence about their own story...
But, I am hopeful the dialogue refuses to be quiet and there are stirrings and other folks becoming restless, a greater awareness and a higher level of consciousness is in the wind....we are learning that silence and forgiveness is not the answer to end abuse.
