"I was not drawn to this quote because it helped me to understand narcissism or narcissistic behaviour but because it reminded me of how much I was willing to see myself as ‘the problem’ when I first began the healing process that I write about here in ‘emerging from broken’. So many ‘victims’ of dysfunctional family systems or any type of abusive or one sided relationship see themselves as the one who might be the narcissist. Narcissistic people groom their victims to always look at themselves and make every effort to avoid letting anyone look more closely at them. They make sure the flashlight of self-examination is always firmly on the victim both from the view of the narcissist, AND from the view of the victim." Darlene Ouimet - Emerging from Broken
It is interesting to read this and see myself as being 'the problem' and how many others point their fingers at me as well; leaving my parents actions and lives out of the spotlight, while they focus intently upon what I am doing or perhaps not doing with the family.
Very interesting to note.
I am a classic case of being a victim who is blamed while the narcissistic mother escapes the glaring light upon her.
I can't tell you how many times she has been defended and her faults explained away and forgotten, while I am being subjected to treatment that should fall on either of them, but not me.
Tell me why again I am the problem???
The second part of this article that was so helpful was the equal value.
"Finally understanding what equal value is, was the most freeing and important concept that I learned in the process of emotional healing. I was never treated or regarded with equal value and therefore I had never considered that I actually had it or even that it was an option ‘for me’. I had to change this false belief. I found out how to repair my self-esteem and take my value back by finding out where and how it got broken and falsely defined as ‘less than,’ in the first place. I had to see the truth about who the abuser actually was and what false messages that I had been given and that I accepted as the truth." Darlene Ouimet
This disparaging viewpoint of self in comparison to others is the key source of remaining a victim.
I completely agree that you will not see or feel your own self worth, until you first see and feel their truth.
Until I had seen and felt the complete truth of my father being a pedophile and his treatment to me as well as feeling the lack of caring from my mother, was I able to see me.
I know it seems counterintuitive, but you can't get your whole self back until you tear down your parents false image.
We have a false image of our selves based upon the treatment our parents shown us...
So many want to move on and forget about the treatment my parents issued us, to just let the past remain, the past, to go forward with the positive. You can try. But what you are taking forward is their definition of you...not your own.
Until you see who they truly are, you will not see who you truly are.
While you see their false image, you will have a false image of self.
What I hear most is their children protecting the images of the parents, and in doing so they are blocking their own value.
In order to shine from the inside out, you have to see that which you are unwilling to see.
I am grateful to have read this article for it shows an overview of how we get lost and then how we are found.
I found my true self when I lost my parents false image.
