"When one is a stranger to oneself then one is estranged from others too. If one is out of touch with oneself, then one cannot touch others." Anne Morrow Lindbergh
What struck me while reading this, is that while I feel estranged, and am estranged, from my family, I am very much in touch with me. That by actually coming in touch with myself, it led me away from my family. I know that this isn't the norm, that most who are seeking a deeper connection to self, will not have to leave their family of origin, but for those of us whose families are entangled in abuse, we will.
It also gave me a brief insight upon the lives of the abused, that the very fact that they can't or are too afraid to be in touch with their own our self, leads to being unable to touch others; and this is the energy void abused children live in.
Untouched, in the sense of a deep connection, love and peace with their parents...and even other siblings. For this disconnection with one self disables the very mechanism for being close.
How interesting, the first person you need to touch, is your self.
I had to first be able to see, feel and be with the parts of me that for so many years were totally ignored and intently pushed away and blindly denied. I had to touch, like a blind person...fingering all the aspects of my family, touching the truth and feeling and being with the horrors of betrayal and lack of love that is abuse.
What I feel most others are intent on doing, is focusing on what they want to be there, and not to touch the tendrils that they know will lead to the deep dark hole...the void that is abuse.
We feel that if we let our selves fall down the slope of reality, we will disappear and go out of our minds. Instead, by feeling to the depth of your being...you come in contact with your self. You touch you.
You see you and rest falls away.
Touching who you truly are, seems like it would be awful, for no one touched us, instead they used us. They did not value us.
I was afraid to be my self, for I wasn't allowed to be myself.
I was taught to not share my feelings, not ask for what I needed, to not be in touch with me. And, once abused, who wants to be in touch with that?
Yet, it is by sitting down right next to your truth, that you truly come to touch...to hold and be with the wounds, that are you.
I am all my experiences. All my feelings, the good, the bad and the ugly...
I am in touch with all of me.
In touching the dark terrifying places, I am able to feel and touch love, peace and joy.
I know, if you can't touch your self, you will not be able to touch and feel others...you first have to feel who you are.
