From "Hunger", by Dr. Robin Smith
Now, Face It - And Feel It
"I had to face what I had learned. The old debilitating message from my childhood was ringing in my ears: "If you can't fix it, don't feel it." I had to learn to feel, face, and embrace many things I couldn't fix, the many hungers that made me ache. I had to get out of my head (where judgments were fixed) and into my heart. I had to feel what I had been afraid to face. I had to feel how hungry I was for a straight answer from those I loved or worked with. I had to move on, through a morass of things that didn't make sense. And so many times they didn't make sense! I thought about the time when I was supposedly loved and cherished by someone, but then was not the woman he chose. How subsequently I believed that I had misunderstood and misread the relationship, and that I had wanted too much. I thought about the time I was at the top of my game, with ratings reaching towards the sky, and then the phone stopped ringing. I thought about the times I tried to ask my mother, or my father from the grave, "What's up with this? Why is nobody talking about our real situation." I thought about the times when everyone went silent and politely looked at me, hoping I would stop naming what was real."
"Fortunately, this only made me hungrier for the truth" Dr. Robin
This was my unknown craving while living in denial, the background noise in all conversations and interactions, while me, myself, and I, lived a lie...I was dying for the truth, craving reality and terrified of it at the same time.
I would not have been able to articulate what I needed, but I seriously was uneasy and watchful...waiting. Waiting for the truth to arrive and fearful for the truth to arrive.
Looking back, I chose or was forced to be uneasy in order to preserve another's peace. This left me lonely and thirsty.
I would have said I was lonely for love and attention, but I am now fairly certain, I was hungry for me; my truth.
The way the past 8 years have lived itself out, is a complete and totaly living example of why I was forced to not feed myself the truth; I would have been openly attacked for it.
I was living a life that was completely against myself, like an auto-immune disease, where my lack of being truthful was completely killing me...and yet, to live my truth would kill the life I had.
Very little remains of my old life or my old self...I no longer am willing to starve myself of the truth for the comfort and peace of others, my truth is no longer for sale.
What I believe I crave, desire and thirst for in all my relationships is the truth.
It matters not what the truth is, I want it.
I am not interested in, nor can I support and stand behind a false life.
When I was living a false life, I wanted other false lives around me. I felt comfort in their surface living.
Dr. Robin writes about the road out of hunger...
"The road out of hunger is not the same as the road in. That's self-evident. You can't get fuller by starving more. Someone once defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, and that's the case for those who try to heal by burrowing deeper into their nothingness. I've experiened this when I'm hiking in the woods and I decide to explore a new path. When it's time to go home it becomes clear to me that the way I entered the woods is not how I'm going to find my way out. It would be a waste of time and almost impossible to retrace my steps. I have to search and find a new route."
"On many occasions I have heard people who are struggling in their relationships promise to "try harder." And I ask them, "Try harder at what?" They don't understand that trying harder is often another form of sabotage. Usually, when someone says they're going to try harder at a relationship, it means their partner is exerting control and passing judgment. The one who is working so hard is living in fear of not being able to satisfy the demands of the other: that they will never be able to make things right or be good enough."
"Relationship isn't the military; we are not soldiers in combat. It may sometimes feel like combat, but the enemy is within. We're fighting against our authentic hunger - for real love, real joy, real connection, real passion, genuine respect, and someone who listens to us and cares about our heart. Military troops I have spoken with say that soldiers get a bad rap. They are expected to be tough, without fear and feelings. It's not a question of whether soldiers cry, experience fear and hurt; it's that they try and contain, mask and swallow their grief until they can find a safe place to let it out."
"A wise person once said that "love without boundaries makes victims." That's right on the money. It should be a bumper sticker on all of our cars. Without boundaries, it is impossible for anyone to be a good partner, a good parent, a good friend, a good colleague, a good sibling, a good son or daughter, a good citizen of the world. If you show up as a victim, you are inviting others to victimize you. If you're a victim this way - where your basic needs for love, respect, being cherished, being included, or sharing money - are not being honored, than you are helping to create more hunger." Dr. Robin
What her book is showing me so far is that we are all hungry for our own truth, but often feel we will be attacked and rejected for it. And, I guess it all depends upon the relationships you have today.
More importantly, the relationships you have today are the truth.
They will tell you how truthful you are with your Self.
They are a complete and working model of how you truthful you are with yourself; they are a live living scale that measures your authenticity...or your lies.
