I finally finished listening to "The Center Cannot Hold - My journey through madness" by Elyn R Saks.
A very interesting perspective between the woman, the illness, and her career self; how to deal with them all without having them bleeding each other.
And the stigma that is still attached to illnesses of the mind...and yet we 'normal' folks are dancing around the lip of insanity as well, each time we con others into believing things that are not true about ourselves...or when we are not truthful and authentic as we live our lives, and make our daily choices.
What is considered a mind disease? Is it not when our thoughts and our words don't match? How often do we lie to ourselves and others, knowingly, making a choice to appear better than we are?
From what I understood by her book, is that her psychosis was illusionary...it wasn't real. How then can we say we are not psychotic when we step away from reality?
It almost seems like her psychosis is equal to ours, neither of us are in reality...except she can take a pill that will push back the illusions. Is there a pill that will make us speak the truth?
When you look at the mind illnesses and even mood illnesses, you have to wonder what causes the imbalance? Is it reality or the way we were taught not to be there?
I know that some in my family of origin believe that I have gone over the edge, that I have lost my mind, when I am in fact standing hip to hip with reality. I will no longer pretend to pretend to pretend. I am unwilling to join them in illusion, and I am seen as the problem...not that there is a real issue in reality.
What I also found so striking in her book is her fight against the illness, due to its stigma and consequences in her life IF it were known. Mind illnesses are so frightful to us all, we like to believe we all are always standing steady in reality, when we more often are unwilling to go there, BUT are not considered insane.
Insane means, "not of sound mind". What is a sound mind? Or what is an unsound mind?
For myself, I would say, that I was more comfortably accepted in my first 46 years of life, while I lived in illusion about many things....my family, my church and my self, compared to when I flopped out of the illusion or insanity.
Perhaps for each family or individual, 'insanity' is objective and selective.
What is the cost of aligning your life and your illusions? Would it cause you to feel anxious or fearful if the two were to collide and not match? How many of your friends and family are with you in the illusion? Would it cost you your life as you know it to step out and into the truth of what you feel?
Each time we ignore what we feel and do the opposite, we are dabbing our toes into illusion. We are asking our minds to join us outside of reality. We do this often enough, that eventually we live there more than in reality. We have left reality and there is no magic pill to get us back. The only way back is to stand with our feelings...to honor our inner knowing, regardless to the cost or the uncomfortableness of those outside of us.
I believe it would be harder to find folks who are one with their mind, body and soul...those who are living authentically.
And yet we look down upon those with mental illnesses, while daily we preform all acts of mental gymnastics to spare us from reality.
Insanity; a deranged state of mind...unsound. I believe we are all on the spectum of being insane...and while most will not speak of it openly, but will profess behind your back your lack of stability in reality.
Whether you will admit it or not, most of us are more comfortable with the insane than with those who are standing as one with the truth of what is.
It appears very few want to know the truth, its sounds and echos, its feelings and knowings, more are at ease in the land of pretend.
To bad there is not a pill that would make us all live authentically.
An awareness pill.
Reality...It is a tough pill to swallow!
