IMPERFECT Lady

Gracious yoga...

I noticed a shift yesterday, a slight, but meaningful one...where the yoga was for me personally.  In the past, the voice getting me in and out of the poses was the one who wanted me to do this or that...was now second place, and in front of that voice was me.  I wanted to do each pose and hold it for the muscles it was working.

Maybe I can't even clarify how it felt, but it resounded back to how much of my life had been lived and how my body was moved, not by an inner desire or need, but by an outer voice.

This carryover from religion or parents, often leaves us detached from inside and on the end of someone else's string.

So, my yoga felt personal, and mine.  The outside voice feels neutral and not that of a puppet master, but one who is helping me with my muscles and joints.  

It is odd to try and describe the difference, between the voice being helpful or controlling.  How my unnatural insides rebelled outward help, for it confused help from control.  Even if I did the yoga, I resented subconsciously him telling me what to do, even if it felt good and it was helpful.

It is almost like there was a subconscious rebelling of all voices, and in order to be 'free' I did nothing.

I have had lots of distance between me and yoga; doing very little in the past months.

The break has weakened muscles and stiffened joints, and yet the space has been helpful in seeing it differently.

I want to be strong and in control, able to do gracious for my daughter's wedding. I thought doing as much yoga as possible would be helpful.

Gracious yoga...

In The Eye of the Beholder...

I went to the Beach House to do a Photoshoot with my quilts.  I was struck by the image of the Ladies on the Beach....and recalled the volumes of time I spent there healing my inner body...striving to be whole, again.  To feel something other than sorrow and confusion...soaking up the sun, lulled by the sounds of the waves, breathing in the fresh water air...a retreat space from the world.

Seeing my Ladies on the shore and me walking around...it was surreal.

Going back in time or forward into the future.  The Beach hadn't changed, but the woman who was walking her shores had come along way.

It is no wonder why I love to do Beach Scenes...and to have images of women who are bold, bright, passionate...courageous. 

I am so grateful for all the days and hours spent along this shore.

Writing myself back into power...in nature.  

In one of my quilts, I depicted a log that resembles one along this beach, with its broken limbs.  You can't see it in this picture, but it is a close match, down to the rocky shore...

The quilts seemed to be at home on this shore, like me.  A homecoming of sorts...a familiar feeling, with the world slipping away, and all that was remaining was this shore.

Maybe more like a reunion, as Art and Nature mixed.

And, the empty quiet unused Beach House sat...remembering when...laughter, kids...books, games...endless days of play, now waiting.

Just as we use to come and flop upon its porch, my quilts now rested there. Kayaks waiting, benches posed...

Instead of beach towels, my quilts were hung...

The bright colors....bringing life.

Where woman and nature dance together in harmony...The days of being a beach bum fondly remembered...and recalling its healing balm when I needed it the most. The days spent writing, doing yoga, watching the sunrise, the loons...

I believe nature and places are there and it is up to us to see and feel them...it always feels like a mutual emotion of gratitude, between me and the Beach House. 

I thought I went to the beach house to use her as a backdrop, but instead it seems she was the focal point and the quilts secondary...or as one puts it eye candy.  Her presence is so large to me...an overwhelming feeling.

Is it the past memories?  

Or good bye...

Like revisiting a wise old woman...

Time and changes stand between us.

I wonder if her and I will spend time together in our future....

Will her shores enlighten another?  Will she be a refuge from the world?  

Her beauty is indeed, in the eye of the beholder...

Hide my truth...

On the Ex-Toots Blog, someone commented about praying for the children in the FALC, that they would be spared abuse.  When I commented back, the children don't need our prayers, but we need to pray for the adults. 

We need to ask for courage to stand alone...and the strength to walk out of relationships with abuse.  To make healthy boundaries and draw the hard lines.  

Our children need strong adults to change the legacy in their family and do things differently.  Praying for the children without asking adults to change is meaningless. Skipping what the adults are doing is where the trouble lies. 

Schooling them in good touch bad touch, again, meaningless if the adults in their worlds don't display boundaries about good relationships and bad.

Most of the abuse education is directed at children, like this is where the change needs to occurr to end abuse. What about the adults? Why are they not being asked to change?  

In looking back at my mother's life, I could see, that in order for abuse to change, I could not be my mother.  I had to do things differently.  I had to be stronger and try harder, and exit any relationship where they were abusive or supported abuse...the change began and ended with me.  I was leading my children....just as she had.

I could also see how some of my siblings responses were of children and not of being an adult, where they made choices based on being a son or daughter, but not in being a mother or a dad.

If I responded as a daughter, my response may have been different, if I had not seen and felt the eyes of my children upon me.  How was I going to act with sexual abuse in my family of origin?  What I did shows them an alternative compared to what others in my family did.  The affects are not something you will see in a few weeks or months, it will be years before the actual affects are seen.

In the early stages of change it appears all negative, like you have lost so much...and you are, you are losing the pattern of abuse...called dysfunctional family or toxic relationships or secrets that are harmful to little souls.

It is my belief, that the outcome of my walking will be felt upon the lives of my grandchildren, for I am being the parent I would have wanted.  It is my soul's knowing, that I did what I had to do, to stop the chain of abuse. I had to walk away from where it lived...no cell of abuse, would I tolerate, in order to change what is acceptable in relationships of love.

It isn't so much about abuse, as it is about love.  

Abusing means, "To use wrongly or misuse, improperly, to mal-treat or ill-use."

I see abuse meaning how we are in relationships or perhaps how we act.

Acting wrongly or improperly within any relationship is the key to dysfunction.  

It is only as good as the two people in the relationship.

If someone lies, and the other doesn't address it or set a boundary against it, they are partners in building a dysfunctional relationship.

The less real you can be, the less real the relationship.  And, to be truthful, for those who don't want to face their own truths, will be very happy in relationships full of pretend and leaking boundaries.

The more truthful you become with yourself, the more truth you will gather around you.

I would rather be alone in an honest relationship with myself, than be in relationships where I had to hide my truth.

( a work in progress, like me.) 

 

 

 

They remain Monsters.

While the discussions continue about abuse, what came to me is that there are two opposing views.  Two very different experiences and yet we want to paint only in one color...

I got to wondering, is this an affect from being raised in the FALC, where bad things can be changed back to good, via the forgiveness of sins, so the world really never stays bad....it is fleeting and illusive...not a hard fact.

Only the good remains seemingly steady, for if you falter, you can ask for a blessing and be returned to full goodness.  The bad doesn't stick, we are like teflon when it comes to sins.

Is this why it is so hard to get people to really believe and to stick with a label of abuser?  That we can really only see the good?  

For some reason we are very hesitant to hold onto a negative label....like IF we refuse to see some good, we are the negative folks.

I know, that I am seen as being negative for seeing my father as a pedophile. That I washed away all his good traits, due to his 'fault' or sin.  It is by far more my problem for refusing to bend him back to good...or good enough.  I am not as kind, loving or sane when I hold his sins before me...

Is it easier to just see the good and overlook the evil or is it easier to acknowledge the sins and hold them accountable?

There is a really insane system going on in these churches, where there is sin, but it is only recognized to be forgiven away.

Like you see it to erase it.

What would happen if there was no forgiveness of sins? What would happen to all these actions? Where would they go and more importantly WHAT would these people look like?  Say all the acts of 'sin' stayed with the person...that there was no way to separate you from your sins?  Then what? Who would you be?

Would you not be truth?

Somehow, the 'forgiveness of sins' is a truth remover.

When an abuser asks for the truth to be removed, he then loses the title of abuser...but the victim has no such truth remover...she is forever feeling the truth of the abuse. There is no escaping, no wiping, no erasing, no un-ringing the bell of truth.  

I will believe in the forgiveness of sins, when it magically removes all traces of abuse from the victim.  When it can return innocence back to the child...making them untouched.

Just as the victim remains forever changed so do the so called loving family members who abuse the trusting children in their lives; they remain monsters.

Say Nothing.

On Ex-toots blog, she asks the question, "What can we do to try and make it safe to speak up?"

How does a religion create an unsafe environment for victims telling about abuse?

How is it possible that in the land of Jesus, God and the bible, we are not allowed to feel safe?  Or at least safe IF we want to speak out about the evil acts and deeds of others?

Is it possible that the fear based teachings have done this?

That when you raise folks based on the fear of God, the fear of doing something different, the fear of elders, the fear, the fear, and fear, that they will then fear going against their abusers?

Surely we can't be surprised that we created the perfect victim...

One who is too afraid to speak up about someone who is in power.

One who has learned to silently give up their rights to their bodies.

What will it take to empower them now?

Will the adults in the church suddenly start giving back their bodies freedom?

Will they allow them to own their hair and finger nails?

Who is going to swing this environment around....will it be adult led or by children?

From what I have experienced and heard, it will not be the adults...

And, the abused (adult) children will have to find empowerment outside of the church, for the church doesn't appreciate self expression, will power, and freedom of speech, or of a person owning their own bodies and minds.

Literally or perhaps they would say figuratively, the church has been their first abuser, by taking away all their rights. 

As a victim of both the religion and sexual abuse, I honestly can't tell one being more kind.  In fact, the religious abuse appears equally as fake...as my father loving me.

It is like religion has a fake front of God, Love and Jesus, while it is removing all things God is.

If you put the way these religions treat a person and the way an abuser does, you will not find too many contradictions.

Both want you powerless, silently following, pleasing them and forsaking your own truth and feelings.

I feel completely abused by the church and my father, they were equal partners to strip me from being my self.

I could no more fight against my father, than I could rebell against the religion.  I no more could protect my fingernails and hair than I could my private parts.  I had no power...against either.

My mother brought in religion and my father brought in sexual abuse.

Looking into both, there was no place for a child to feel safe, seen, heard or understood. And, we are asking our children to tell. Tell who?  

My mother has yet to HEAR me. She hears sounds, but does not hear.

My father, well I didn't even try to speak to him...his actions clearly said it all.

And, I guess so do those who sit in the pews of these churches, who have given up all their rights, to their bodies and their minds....

We are asking children to "Tell" when for generations of victims...telling will earn you a pass to estrangement.  Telling isn't what keeps these families together, allowing and having no boundaries are.

The thing that will tear these families apart IS TELLING.

Perhaps what is mostly safe, is our families in the dark.  

Our family is not safe when the truth appears.

The church's faith is not safe when the truth appears.  

And the child knows they will not be safe, IF they try and disrupt the 'loving' family and find evil in the church.  They are only accepted if they go along...silently untelling.

It isn't about telling of abuse, IT is about telling of the false front it is presenting.

A false family of love and trust and kindness.

A church of high morals and values.

This is what we are not to tear down with soiling both with monsters, tales of abuse, acts of indifference, how forgiveness of sins only works for the pedophiles, and the list goes on and on.

Like my mother always said, "If you dont' have anything nice to say, say NOTHING." 

Would you Sign?

I asked a pastor friend about the Mandatory Reporting within churches, if they were like Learning Institutions....and here is what he said.

"We are mandatory reporters just like the schools. Also, there could be board liability that would be settled in a court but knowing of a situation and not addressing it could very much make a board liable."

I have spoken to a board member and a member of the Mission Board as well, and he acknowledges the rising levels of abuse, but he too, as far as I can tell, has not reached outside into the world for help...even with the rapid exponentially expanding abuse.

I don't believe they can fully appreciate the fact that they can be held liable. These board members who have heard the concerns, don't seem to grasp what it truly means for them.  They are not understanding Mandatory...especially to be told to do something...from the worldly folks.

Like maybe those rules don't apply?  How long can they get away with ignoring the mandatory reporting?

What I know, is in my father's case, the Minister Knew...not only my case, but others.  He was brought in and he did not report.  He is dead now, but is the board still liable?

Would a class action suit be something that would wake them up?

I have very little doubts that a case could be made, not only in the FALC church, but in the OALC as well....from what I hear from victims.  

These boardmembers may believe that their responsibility is financial, and perhaps rule making....and give very little respect or attention to Mandatory reporting...and that they are liable.  The word liable means, "Responsible by Law".

They are breaking the law...by NOT reporting.  I don't think they get that.

As we sit on Father's Day, I know that the majority IF NOT ALL, are fathers.  What is the message they are relaying to their children about sexual abuse?  What are the 'good' fathers doing about this.

Wouldn't good fathers get involved, demand answers, withdraw their children from an institution that remains so indifferent to sexual abuse?

Wouldn't a good father stand by his child and place his doubts upon the abuser?

Wouldn't a good father resign from the board IF they would not address these issues?  And, wouldn't a good father join with the outside to help bring these guys in?

Who again are these board members, as human's, fathers and men?

I don't get it.

It seems that each person is waiting for someone else to take the bull by the horns, to change up the way we do things, to rattle the cage, to be publicly outraged...to do something.

If they could only see what the outside sees.

Caring Less fathers...law breakers.

Who is more evil or harmful to the children?  The ones who abuse or the ones who know and do nothing?

Dealing with abuse when it is sprinkled in your religion and families makes it doubly hard to reconcile, but it also makes it more twisted to the child. They need to see that someone in the mix sees evil.  As it stands today, there is no movement....it appears that the devil and the angels are one.

I mean really, is there a difference who is actually touching the child, if there are so many who stand by and do nothing?  

What will it take to make the Board move?

Will it be the class action suit?

The victims are now seen as without value, our words are doubted...and elicite no response.  I guess it is until we team up with the world lawyers, judges, and detectives, police and maybe in the end wage a huge class action suit against them. There just should be a consequences for their nothing behavior....and I guess there is....you become who you hang with.

I see no difference between the abuse and the silent unmoving bystander.

What difference was there between my father abusing and the father's who knew and did not support their child? In both the victim is left without a father.

Is it possible to start a petition of outrage and would you sign?

 

Lower the Wall of Indifference.

I heard a phrase while listening to an audio book today... "Impenetrable Indifference"...and that to me is precisely how it feels to speak about abuse with a member of the FALC church...it is near impossible to get a raised eyebrow, a believing energy....instead all that seems to come back is this impenetrable indifference.

Some want caution in speech until the courts of the land do their thing.  Which is normal and the way we have done things for decades.  We have also prayed for decades. We have forgiven their sins for decades. We have also whispered about abuse for decades. We have tip-toed around this 'sensitive' issue, not wanting to what? 

What is it that we don't want to do?

How is it that we are too afraid to boldly state and ask and point and come to our own conclusions?  Why?  Why do we not want to stand alone and point a finger?

This caution is the wall of indifference disguised as kindness...or not wanting to rush to judgement. But, you are rushing. You are rushing to doubt the child...and that is okay.  It is fine to layer a victim with doubts, but don't you dare doubt the good reputation of the abuser, No sir.  No doubts to the abuser, all rush to doubt the victims.

I guess it is hard to tell impenetrable indifference and neutral waiting...

I am not sure that in the lives of the victims, they can wait. They don't have the luxury of time.  In fact, for them it is already too late.  Perhaps it was the generation before you who too, were waiting.

We are all waiting. We are all cautious. All except the abusers.  No caution there, no waiting. Nope. They are busy, so damn busy luring, courting, setting up the ground work for their next victim.

But, we wait. We are cautious.  We don't want to act in error.  And, we wait...while the abusers move on grateful for our non-involvement.  Happy for the lack of interference.  Gleeful that we withhold judgement. Content to have our wall of impenetrable indifference standing there protecting their little evil games with the children. 

If you all, for one minute believe that these guys don't know what they are doing and who they are manipulating, you are sadly mistaken.  They are extremely manipulative and charismatic, and not only lure and court the child, so do they with the family members and other adults around them.

They will do and say anything to dislodge your doubts.

And you know, the abusers are articulate speaking adults...most often who have polished up the lies...for their very freedom depends upon it.

Some folks think of pedophiles as doing sexual deeds a bit here and there, OTHERWISE, they are normal.  When, in fact, their whole lives are set up and lived for their sexual desires.  It isn't a part time thing, but it consumes their whole lives.

They are instead part-time fathers, workers, etc, but it all is connected to getting what they desire.  There is very little they do that isn't a cover up or a connection to a child.  And, they have worked hard to keep their little gig going.  

The only wrinkle in their manipulation is when the people are unable to be manipulated.

If we act in doubt. If we don't believe. If we question and investigate and delve into their lives. If we ask questions of their children, and their grand children, if we go in and take apart their lives and really look at what is going on.

When my father was investigated, they investigated the folks connected to him. They drew a wide circle and began to ask.  The detective who came to my home, said, "I have never investigated a case where so many people knew about this abuse and for so many years." 

Will you talk to a detective about abuse? Are you waiting to be asked?  What do you believe your suspicions are?  Are they not a red flag?  If they came to your home today, and asked about so and so, what would you say?  

Do you have to be asked?  Are you too afraid to be the first? 

When I feel the impenetrable wall of indifference...is it because you are afraid to be wrong, to point a finger and it be wrong?  

Give what you have to the detective. Share what you have heard.  It isn't up to us to investigate, but it surely up to give up what we know.  What we heard, even if it was years ago.

In my father's case, the victims spread over the span nearly 40 years.  Yes, I said 40. For, I was 46 and the oldest victim that I know of was older than me and the youngest was only 8...

What can we do to bust out of the impenetrable indifference so that these abusers don't have such a long run?  

Is it wrong to give the detective what you know, for each tid-bit will put the pieces of the puzzle together.  

Are you all waiting for the detectives to blindly fumble around...into relationships and dynamics you all know and grope for leads you carry...

Help them with these cases.  Help by giving the piece you know.

In the Penn State case what made it so remarkable were the sheer numbers of victims that spoke up.  Each building a strong case against their abuser.

Each person who dares to speak will lower the wall of indifference.

Allegedly good christian people.

I hate using the word "Allegedly" in front of an abusers actions, for not only does it make his actions "questionable" or "suspect", but it more importantly discounts or lowers the truth of the child.  Even IF we have tons of evidence by the way a child has been changed, we still have to say "allegedly" until the law of the land FINDS them Guilty.  And, what I hate the most....IS that the child then wears the label guilty until the man's innocence is proven otherwise.

Allegedly then, the child is a liar, until the laws of the land have enough evidence to convict.  And, there are still cases of abuse, where the child, due to his/her abuse is unable to articulate, remember, or is not brave enough to speak, and recount the evidence needed to press charges...it still doesn't mean the abuser IS innocent.

I am so incensed with the higher degree in which we (society) and church, lean towards protecting the innocent reputation of the adult and give so little attention to the child's lost innocence.

These cases are extremely hard to get into courts of the land, due to the fact that the child has to feel safe enough, and supported, to point a finger at someone they loved and trusted....and most often, whom their parents are in relationships with.  

When will we put as much efforts into the defense of children as there now seems to be in the defense of the adults?  When will the child's innocence be equally as protected?

What if instead we sought to hear the child? What if we instead believed that grown men in pulpits CAN be pedophiles...instead of doubting its possibility?  

You may think that your child is safe or that they will come to you and TELL.  They won't.  Due to the simple fact in how you are now reacting and responding to their abuser. 

What are you saying about this resigned preacher man?  Are you even talking to your children about it?  Your silence will not protect them...your silence about this man's abuse is showing your support of him.  That is all the child hears....nothing.

As a grown adult woman, I felt immediately who had my father's hand so to speak and who had mine.  I knew who would listen and who would defend.  I can't but feel that the same is true for the little ones who have been abused.  They know by how you act, what you say and where you go.

In my opinion, you can't expect them to show their wounds if you are silently acting like there is nothing going on...continuing life as usual.  The child is unseen...and knows you are not receptive.

So, I guess you could say, you are allegedly supporting the abuser.

What signs are you sending to your children?

What signals are they reading about you and abuse?

How can they discern if you are for it or against it?

Will you wait for the court of the land to 'change' your mind?

How then does the child feel, when they are relegated to second or third or forth...only IF you can have collaborating evidence, will you change your mind...or maybe not EVEN then.

They will know which relationships are most important to you....the adults in your world, or your child...or a nephew or niece....a little one.  Oddly we care less about the children...we supposedly love and protect and more about soiling the reputation of a man who soiled it himself.

Just remember, Allegedly works on us all. He is 'allegedly abusing.  The children are allegedly liars, and the good folks are allegedly with morals and values.

No one is beyond question....but the answers are who has more to lose from the truth being known?  What will you lose?  

It isn't the truth that your fear, it is what you have to lose.

It isn't about whether the child can speak the truth or whether the preacher man is capable of abuse, it is about what it means to your personally IF the truth were to be fully accepted.

Instead of seeking the truth, you will resist it....

You don't want there to be an exhaustive search and introgation of board members....to have the detectives entering into your sacred place of worship....you don't want to know the truth.

Allegedly. 

Allegedly you want your religion to be without question, a place of high morals and values. And yet, its actions are decidedly opposed.

If they allegedly wanted the truth, would there not be an overpouring of support from within grabbing any outside source for help.  There are no hands reaching outward, except to ward off any interference.  The hands are not reaching for help....but upheld to tell us to back off!

Who are they protecting and Why?  

Who are your board members?

I know that Ellen Torola has a blog...well a picture blog of what is going on in the FALC community....so far nothing is posted.  Why? She has the ear of the community...will she use it?  Who from the inside will reach a hand outward for help?

Are they afraid to ask for more supporting evidence for fear of what will spill forth? It doesn't seem like they are openly defending him either, but suspciously silent...no outcry for the little ones.

Allegedly uncaring...and unconcerned by an alleged pedophile...allegedly good christian people.

 

Good Men to do Nothing

Once again, there are stirrings of an alleged sexual abuse within the FALC...I hate that I have to write alleged, but he is innocent, until proven guilty.  He is 'not' to be judge and the church should be kept separate, and the list goes on and on to protect him, while little children are left to work through the affects of his vile behavior.

The more strenuous your objections and indigination, the more you need his innocence to save your belief.  Your belief in the one right church, your belief in the forgiveness of sins, your belief in a preacher, his image...perhaps even his name.

Do you dare see him in a new light?  What will happen to your faith and belief if you dare bring in the possibility that the children and their parents are right?  

Many will try and keep their precious religion and pure faith, while a man of the pulpit has resigned, and allegedly he has sexually abused his grandchildren...they will try and separate his 'sins' from the message of God...and not rush to judgement and leave that up to God, to overlook and look beyond the abuse.

This behavior is nothing new.  For decades now, the good christians of the churches have been unwilling to respond...would not dare do something so unchristian like as to see what is, to not forgive and forget, and to stare unflinchingly at abuse...while giving up their ticket into Heaven.

They do not see their behaviors OF not reacting IS keeping this whole cycle going.

What are they saying to the folks who dare speak up? How are they treating the parents who dare stop going to church?  Are they listening or defending their church?

In a perfect world, a child would speak of abuse and the whole structure would fall, for the good folks would tear it down themselves. They would demand the church to pay retribution to the victims.  They would set up Help lines for victims. They would enlist armies of therapists and counselors to deal with the families involved. They would take the lead in helping victims speak up. The board members would be out leading the charge to make sure he is prosecuted...by opening the space for other victims to feel safe....to feel heard and believed.  Their "Greetings Of Peace" would publish places where they could seek help. There would be a number to call the detective with information that would help these young victims. 

Instead...there is nothing coming from inside of the church.  

Can't we at least wonder why the church is so silent?

Why the board members are not screaming with outrage?

Why are they not supporting the detective and asking for a full fledge investigation and asking their parishioners to help?

Why are so many adults completely acting so irrationally about sexual abuse (allegedly) by a preacher?  

Maybe the questions are not about judging him, but about looking at the silent church...its chairperson and board members.  Why are they so unwilling to grab a hold of this and start demanding answers and leading the investigations.  Is the church NOT responsible for allowing a pedophile to be a preacher?  What is their role, do they have any accountability here?  Have they not heard his name being mentioned with sexual abuse prior and what was their response?

What I find more shocking than a preacher molesting his grandchildren (allegedly) IS the SILENCE and NO REACTION of the Board of the First Apostolic Lutheran Church...as well as other parents.

If, this was a learning institution, these same folks would be banging on the doors and removing their children Immediately. What stops them now?  What is holding them back from rushing forward?

Whatever it is....it is what keeps the neat little nest of abuse going.  It is the fact that good people will not change their minds, drop their faith...to bring in abuse.  

Their Belief stands in the way of seeing and responding to abuse.

How many facts do they need? How much information would change their minds? How much of their lives depend upon the preacher's innocence and him not being an alleged monster?

What are they willing to sacrifice for their belief?  How many little boys will have to be abused before they are willing to see differently....?

I watch this and know, he isn't the only monster lurking....denial is equally at fault.

For all it takes for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing....Ellie Weisel.

Sit Silently No More

What words of advice could I give to someone who finds themselves facing sexual abuse within their families. Are there hard and fast rules?  Do some roads lead to sure road blocks and stunt healing and others that speed things along, both with the law and mental recovery?  Does a check list exist of what decisions are best...and how to respond correctly for your child?

Is it possible to have items of higher value than others and ones that will flip the pattern of abuse and others that will promote the same old song and dance?

I see this broadly from the viewpoint of having traveled the tangled paths littered with debris of illusions...where pedophiles hid behind the mask of father....and their helpers wore the badge of mom.

What is helpful when your life looks like trick mirrors?  How do you navigate and solicit advice, when you yourself can't even see what is right or wrong...when your values have been so mutilated...when so called family turn evil?

When the laws of the land have guidelines to follow...that will depend upon a little child being articulate and brave enough to offer details of the crime....enough to prosecute...Adults who know enough, but are not good enough to put the abuser away...for our laws state, that the child (victim) has to tell his story convincingly.

Are their lives not proof...when they wear the affects in their daily little lives?  

I believe, it would be helpful if when we hear of another count of abuse by the same abuser, that others step forth...lend their voices to uphold the truth.

Even IF you are not willing or sure of prosecution, it would be helpful to give your experience that helps support the victims, by showing them, they are not alone.

I know, that the letters from other victims, helped me understand and see that I was not crazy...that my body had a reason to fear him.

What definitive does the law need and will more proof from other victims help make a case? It seems that more of the law protects the abuser and makes the victims jump higher and reach further to get the help they need.

My greatest desire is for other victims to share what they know, to help the little children's stories hold more water, when case upon case echo their story.

In my father's case, the majority of the victims stories all matched, the behavior of sexual misconduct and forceful contact were so similar....down to the detail of the home and where my father sat.

As this latest case in Minnesota shakes itself out, I know that it isn't an isolated incident, that there were others before AND will be others to follow, if there isn't a joint effort to expose him.

This news is spreading like wild fire....and I can only hope that some day soon, the voices will not only be used to whisper, but will bravely be used to help these latest victims prosecute this man.  That other families will come forth and walk down the road with them...that there will be a collective effort to push back evil....instead to remain silent in fear.

Encourage those who come forth with stories to share theirs with the local sheriff....if not now, when?  How many years and victims have to pass down this road before the abuser will be stopped?

What is useful or helpful....what will help the abuser continue on a free man and what will help the littliest victims?

Don't let the feelings of fear stop you from doing what is right.

What is right, is the path less traveled.

How is that possible that the Right path is the one less used?

I say, to those who are still in the church, to rally each other to let this case be an example of how you are not going to sit silently no more.