I heard a phrase while listening to an audio book today... "Impenetrable Indifference"...and that to me is precisely how it feels to speak about abuse with a member of the FALC church...it is near impossible to get a raised eyebrow, a believing energy....instead all that seems to come back is this impenetrable indifference.
Some want caution in speech until the courts of the land do their thing. Which is normal and the way we have done things for decades. We have also prayed for decades. We have forgiven their sins for decades. We have also whispered about abuse for decades. We have tip-toed around this 'sensitive' issue, not wanting to what?
What is it that we don't want to do?
How is it that we are too afraid to boldly state and ask and point and come to our own conclusions? Why? Why do we not want to stand alone and point a finger?
This caution is the wall of indifference disguised as kindness...or not wanting to rush to judgement. But, you are rushing. You are rushing to doubt the child...and that is okay. It is fine to layer a victim with doubts, but don't you dare doubt the good reputation of the abuser, No sir. No doubts to the abuser, all rush to doubt the victims.
I guess it is hard to tell impenetrable indifference and neutral waiting...
I am not sure that in the lives of the victims, they can wait. They don't have the luxury of time. In fact, for them it is already too late. Perhaps it was the generation before you who too, were waiting.
We are all waiting. We are all cautious. All except the abusers. No caution there, no waiting. Nope. They are busy, so damn busy luring, courting, setting up the ground work for their next victim.
But, we wait. We are cautious. We don't want to act in error. And, we wait...while the abusers move on grateful for our non-involvement. Happy for the lack of interference. Gleeful that we withhold judgement. Content to have our wall of impenetrable indifference standing there protecting their little evil games with the children.
If you all, for one minute believe that these guys don't know what they are doing and who they are manipulating, you are sadly mistaken. They are extremely manipulative and charismatic, and not only lure and court the child, so do they with the family members and other adults around them.
They will do and say anything to dislodge your doubts.
And you know, the abusers are articulate speaking adults...most often who have polished up the lies...for their very freedom depends upon it.
Some folks think of pedophiles as doing sexual deeds a bit here and there, OTHERWISE, they are normal. When, in fact, their whole lives are set up and lived for their sexual desires. It isn't a part time thing, but it consumes their whole lives.
They are instead part-time fathers, workers, etc, but it all is connected to getting what they desire. There is very little they do that isn't a cover up or a connection to a child. And, they have worked hard to keep their little gig going.
The only wrinkle in their manipulation is when the people are unable to be manipulated.
If we act in doubt. If we don't believe. If we question and investigate and delve into their lives. If we ask questions of their children, and their grand children, if we go in and take apart their lives and really look at what is going on.
When my father was investigated, they investigated the folks connected to him. They drew a wide circle and began to ask. The detective who came to my home, said, "I have never investigated a case where so many people knew about this abuse and for so many years."
Will you talk to a detective about abuse? Are you waiting to be asked? What do you believe your suspicions are? Are they not a red flag? If they came to your home today, and asked about so and so, what would you say?
Do you have to be asked? Are you too afraid to be the first?
When I feel the impenetrable wall of indifference...is it because you are afraid to be wrong, to point a finger and it be wrong?
Give what you have to the detective. Share what you have heard. It isn't up to us to investigate, but it surely up to give up what we know. What we heard, even if it was years ago.
In my father's case, the victims spread over the span nearly 40 years. Yes, I said 40. For, I was 46 and the oldest victim that I know of was older than me and the youngest was only 8...
What can we do to bust out of the impenetrable indifference so that these abusers don't have such a long run?
Is it wrong to give the detective what you know, for each tid-bit will put the pieces of the puzzle together.
Are you all waiting for the detectives to blindly fumble around...into relationships and dynamics you all know and grope for leads you carry...
Help them with these cases. Help by giving the piece you know.
In the Penn State case what made it so remarkable were the sheer numbers of victims that spoke up. Each building a strong case against their abuser.
Each person who dares to speak will lower the wall of indifference.
