There is a false belief, that we are responsible for the behaviors of others, that kindness and love is the cure all for all. That we, the hurt, or we the abused, or we the victims, need to respond in kindness and love AND like magic the hurt will heal. The burden lies with us for stopping the evil of the world, and the evil await our kindness....
IF, this was so, then the evil of the world would no longer exist.
Families of abuse have been doing this for generation upon generation...serving kindness after abuse, keeping silent after abuse, continuing to love after hurt. Victims never fighting fire with fire, but lobbing love, peace and joy....back to the abusers, in hopes IF enough love and kindness make it over, IT will change the abuser into a loving person.
Really?
Doesn't this also make it our fault that they abused, we were not loving enough, kind enough...that we somehow ignited the anger/rage and sexual desire for a child?
Until we separate the actions of the abusers and the response back...as the independent actions and responsibility of each person, we will not end sexual abuse/physical abuse and end the insane blaming of the victim.
And, the victims themselves have to stop believing they can make a nice man out of one who rapes children, by loving him and forgiving his sins.
As, I sit and try to find kind words, a softer message to my mother, it struck me as I was confused and trying to 'nicely' tell her she isn't welcome.
Is that possible?
I have to wonder, how many rapes are stopped by kindness?
How many people were saved due the sheer kindness of others?
Somehow we have this so backwards.
I don't have to be cruel, but I have to forceful.
And, it almost seems fight fire with fire.
However, isn't there a difference in fighting and standing up and not being a kind victim....compared to overpowering the weak?
Most crimes of sexual abuse and physical abuse are delivered by the stronger party upon a weaker person.
Is it truly wrong or bad to stand up and fight back. Fight with words and empowerment, putting up the boundaries and saying no. I am not looking to hurt her like I was hurt, but I am looking to stop her from being in my world. Isn't that what most victims want, to end the relationship and the interactions with their abusers.
How else do you make abuse stop if not by ending the relationship.
Divorce is honored in our society and estrangement between families due to abuse is catching on.
Children didn't choose to marrying into a family and they have no paperwork to make null and void. Which I think is too bad...there isn't a system in place that supports the child leaving the family by choice.
As a child who has left her family, I am seen as a home wrecker, the one who is tearing up our family, not as someone who has left to be in peace, love and joy. If those ingredients were found in my family of origin, there would not have been a reason to leave.
Very few couples divorce due to too much love, peace and joy.
The relationship needs to end, when abuse enters in...you can't just bring in more love and expect the abuse to end. That to me is insanity.
For generations upon generations in my family, abuse has been met with love and forgiveness, forgetting and moving on....keeping the family unit no matter what....putting the burden upon those who have been abused to love the abusers no matter what hurt they caused.
IF this worked, abuse would not bleed from generation to generation....
Love will not stop abuse.
Kindness is not a deterrent...
Praying for things to change isn't enough.
We have to become stronger than our abusers.
Perhaps the burden of ending abuse does start with the victims...our responses and actions have to be for us, not them.
When I left, I decided to go towards LOVE, PEACE and JOY...and to steer away from all that wasn't. And, I did.
Abuse doesn't carry love, peace and joy...and no matter how much kindness you pour upon abuse, it will not change its content. When we can fully accept abuse and its toxic energy, and respond by moving away from it, we will begin changing the planet.
Abuse needs kindness to continue...it needs us to believe, If we loved more, it will end.
How many bullies have been stopped by love and kindness?
I feel in my heart of hearts, that my kindness and love and acceptance would have kept abuse alive and that I would have been an accessory to the crime by my allowance.
We fail to acknowledge the criminal aspect of abuse and our kindness being a key component that keeps it going.
