Here is a comment from my last post. I wanted to re-post it here and along with my comment...
"While I understand your circumstances left you deeply wounded, abuse situations vary greatly. There are legitimate reasons for not pushing for transparency.
"One is legal. Minor's identities are protected by law. When they are an adult, they can make the choice but it should not be made for them nor should they be pressured when they aren't aware of all the ramifications."
"Another is ethical. Allowing the victim control over the case honors their autonomy, which was ripped away by the crime."
"A third is strategic. During an abuse investigation, the threat of exposure can be a significant motivation for the abuser to cooperate. Attorneys often withhold details as bargaining chips. "
"I'm sure there are other reasons, too . . . . these are just the ones of which I'm aware."
"I agree that the response you give when you hear about another's abuse is important, that abuse should be exposed, and abusers should be named and shamed. But the methods and timing will vary with the circumstances, and the victim should have as much control as possible." Free
I appreciate Free commenting and being so detailed in her reasoning, helping us all see things differently...but, I am not so much deeply wounded, but wise.
Or at least I feel less wounded and more aware. And, maybe being wounded means you are experienced in the aftermath of abuse.
While I do appreciate your reasons, I am also aware that there will always be reasons to be silent. It typically starts with the abuser. Then, not wanting to hurt the family or friends, or church or something. Like our words will be the kill joy to so much. And, then the lawyers have reasons....it goes on and on.
I am not suggesting children of abuse, adult or otherwise, do things they don't want to do, but I am suggesting the freedom that comes when you no longer live with secrets.
It somehow feels wrong that "threat for exposure" be a tool....to bargain with. It should be mandatory to be exposed. It is like the law is helping with the silence.
Maybe I am wrong and I just don't get it or refuse to see the details but some of the reasons just don't make sense to me.
The whole culture of 'protecting the victims rights' seems backwards.
Our rights is to have the truth be told. That even newspapers are not allowed to print the victims names. This hiding of us, makes it seem shameful to be abused...like it is best others NOT know.
Whispering and keeping it quiet makes it shameful.
What other crimes are treated this way???
None.
And, these are extremely intimate, BUT not secretive...or yes done in the dark, but they are not something WE Victims should be silent about.
This whole cultural thing of silence and privacy makes it seem like we are part of something bad, like when do we get to be out and loud?
To me, we need to flip this around completely.
Not only within our families, but within churches and the courts of the land.
How dare the lawyers use the "Threat of exposure" as a bargain tool...it should be a given...you do sex crimes we will speak up.
The victims need for being anonymous would be null and void, if we didn't treat these crimes so differently. How often do you hear of theft, and burglary as something shameful?
Why are sex crimes so secretive? It seems they start out in secret and get left in that mode. I am just trying to open them up...to free them from the silence.
And, I know no matter how hard I try to do this, there will be reasons for silence...
