My feelings and body's radar was spot on. I have had words sent to me that tell me so. I was also surprised that my mother told two different versions of an encounter with me...both painted her in glowing colors and me not looking so good. In both stories I spoke to her...unkind words. My lips never moved. Interesting and oh so telling.
It surprised me....and then not. She has been painting her world to suit her needs and her story and to keep folks believing in her.
How sad she continues to paint me black.
And what I have always suspected is they never hear her lies...as well as they never hear my truth. The thing that has ridden along for many years, "Not being Believed."
Her credibility still stands after being married to a pedophile for 49 years....who wouldn't believe her integrity???
What I guess I am also surprised by is that they expected something different from me; social graces. I know I failed at this. I am not there...and not sure I will ever get there. I didn't have it in me to say a word of welcome...for my body didn't feel welcome, it wanted to turn them away.
I knew it was going to feel bad for me....and now I know it wasn't pleasant for them either....but that is why we don't co-mingle.
I don't believe there will be a way to have us in the same space without there being drama or uneasiness, or anxiety... I just can't see how it could be done. I see it as the truth and denial mixing and they may refute that.
Which is why I will always stay away from anyone of their family affairs. I refuse to bring drama to their days. I give them space and oodles of it...
I am glad for the messages for they showed me once again, who they are...and why we have kept our mutual distances. We are at peace when we are apart.
