There is a cost for being a Leader for Change within dysfunctional families; it typically means you lose your place in the family. You will no longer be part of it, except to be on the outside.
Changes within families require you to go against your elders as well as family members, where the sentiment that "we are family no matter what" is destroyed.
It is to wreck all the typical safety nests...and to break the silence of compliance...to become the one who dares to question actions, words and motives...to not accept "they did the best they could".
To be the Leader for Change, you will have to see their short comings and make corrections NoT in their life, but in your own.
To see where their actions led and to course correct so you are not party to dysfunction continuing on.
A leader for Change is showing in words and deeds that they will not perpetuate the flow of dysfunction as usual; they will do the opposite and be shunned for it.
Leaders for Change will face persecution and criticism and be hated and hollered at, lied about...they will take the brunt of the family's derision; more so than the perpetrator of the abuse and his accomplice. Leaders for Change who dare to follow the choice to change, will suffer most from their family.
What makes this journey particularly hard is this alone. You knowingly do what is against the family's unwritten rules of cohesiveness....you pull and tear apart actions and words to carry the truth forward.
Leaders for Change will see the truth where others don't...and will live it, and not just make it an exercise of the mind; but a way of life.
Leaders for Change are for those who have been victimized by the old system...and not see it as being a victim or a survivor, but that they can literally live to change the whole system...by being the change they want to see in the world.
Leaders for change will be a different mother, daughter, friend....
Leaders for change will do what their parents were unable to do.
Leaders for change will be FOR change and not just accept that abuse happened and life goes on....to forgive and forget, to find the positive among the garbage, but instead find how the garbage became this way and then do different.
I am hopeful that each family has Leaders for Change...and that we can slowly see the numbers begin to drop...so that the percentages of abuse no longer happens within families.
How can people not hear that. That it is the way these families live and how they are silent or compliant that promotes abuse to thrive....that it is not the laws of the land or even the insane preachings of the churches that is the biggest advocate for abuse; but the family units themselves.
Each individual within the dysfunctional family carries the burden or the virus of abuse. They will carry it forward, unless they are the Leader for Change.
It is the families that slowly slip back into the sameness after abuse who are the ones contributing to abuse. If you didn't change...abuse is still your friend.
The treatment that I have gotten, the way folks look at me IS how they should be looking at abuse...instead, they see me as delivering evil...while evil is literally destroying these families...from the inside out.
One child at a time....for generations.
When the evil doers are treated like I have been, then abuse will begin the downward spiral...until then, abuse flourishes while they direct all their anger and rage at me, a Leader for Change.
You are either with it or against it. Change will be the indicator....how much have you changed? (and, is it enough to stop abuse?)
