What I am learning is that it is rare to be a responsible individual, that there are much more apathetic bystanders than those willing to engage.
Even to engage in the possibilities or to have a discussion. To begin to begin to plan for actions. That there are more who excuse and reason themselves into doing nothing.
Doing nothing appears safer and more kind.
Entering into the problem is rare...and saying the 'difficult' things almost extinct...especially within family....or with relatives.
Somehow we have kindness pegged as standing by and not doing the responsible thing.
Is it truly more kind to let an abusive person abuse?
Or one with dementia drive beyond the point of clarity?
To me, it appears that we have this all backwards and until we begin to have the tough talks and make the rough decisions things will not change.
I also wondered, is experiencing trauma or when something really awful happens, is that the only time we change. That it is harder to change before the big explosion...that when it is but a tiny flame, there is no point in stirring things up. Better to respond after the bomb has exploded.
What a strange phenomena this is.
Where the Universe is whispering in our ears that something isn't right, but until it (Universe) delivers a life changing blow, do we hear.
Perhaps until the after shock of the explosion reaches your life, will your mind be able to see what was there all along...and all the places where the Universe tried to get your attention.
It appears that there are so many slow learners who feel it is kinder and more loving to overlook and look around the evidence and signs...in hopes that reality IS wrong.
The human capacity for denial continues to astound me...or perhaps the willingness to have their worlds upended.
This is where I believe the real truth lies. Our willingness to not see, comes from the fact we don't want to have our lives change.
Somehow we will do anything and not see what needs to be done, so we can keep our lives as we want it.
What we don't want is for our whole infrastructure to collapse.
I am beyond awe at the abilitiy to hold together that which has already fallen apart.
Many think they are holding on to a whole complete loving family, when it is already in ruins...
You and your mind just haven't accepted it as such. Your refusal to change your mind when reality changes is the landscape that breeds apathy.
Which allows you to do nothing.
And in turn, allows the abusers or the ones who are unhealthy continue along as if they are okay.
You make them okay, just so your world will not upend.
Many will argue with the ending of the world for the person in trouble, when in actuality it is their world that they don't want to change. It is very personal and self-centered. And, has little or nothing to do with the other person.
My experience in facing the reality of my father, was that it tipped my whole world upside down. The affect was felt much more in my world than in his. Certainly there were ripple affects, but the biggest earth quake was in my own life.
I was left with a gigantic mess...where everything was turned over and reality shone bright...my denial disintegrated.
