"I was forced to live far beyond my years when just a child, now I have reversed the order and I intend to remain young indefinitely." Mary Pickford
It is my Happy Birthday for the 55th time! I am in awe of my life at times, and at others, quite ignorant of it. Most times I am focused on where I am and what I am doing, that I forget to step back and see...the totality of it all.
The most incredible learning is to love.
Love me.
Love my children.
Love life.
Love others.
And, to know when to step away.
Perhaps it is the discernment that was lost or taken from me as a child; I feel I now have the controls back.
Maybe this is what being a grownup is; the ability to discern what you love and what you do not.
Looking back at my 55 years, the thing I am most proud of is the feelings of love.
Perhaps due to the fact I was raised in a dysfunctional home, where the definition of love was all backwards, that I am now able to know love.
To come from not love and to now know the difference.
Not only know it, but feel it alive inside of me.
Where my chest cavity, core and bloodstream feel the warmth. Where I can love without conditions.
And secondly, to know abuse.
To know not kindness.
To know manipulation and/or self-absorption and recognize its fingerprints. To understand it isn't me that ignites this; but that its within them.
I have been able to undo the damage of abuse, within me.
I have been able to embrace my darkness with just a small spark of light, that has grown and grown.
I am not a sappy kind of love person, but one that allows.
I allow me to be me.
I allow you to be you.
I allow myself the choice to move towards or away from people.
All that I allow for me, I give to you.
I love me at 55...it feels like the Sunrise of My Life! ..
