Over the past years that I have been speaking out so frankly about my dysfunctional family and MY own dysfunction... and kindness has been challenged and used as a tool to ward off any action...of self awareness...self responsibility and self love.
Many will tell me, "they are going to overcome their abuse by being kinder." Kind and forgiving and loving. They will not become one who hurts others.
So many victims of child abuse believe that they will become one who hurts another if the truth were to leak out. If they were to hold the perpetrators accountable. If they were to set up boundaries against the one who hurt them, THEN THEY THEMSELVES ARE HURTERS.
What I would say to you all "kind" folks...does it work?
If you are not truthful to unkind people do you get love and kindness back?
If this philosophy worked, would our world not be heaping full of kind folk?
How is it, just in my family alone, that kindness DID NOT ERASE OR CEASE the abuse that lived there?
Kindness, forgiveness doesn't work.
And yet child upon adult child, with tears in their faces, love in their hearts BELIEVE it does.
They will go to any lengths to love and be more kinder.
This is another huge factor in the abuse never being dealt with properly. Child and adult children are still waiting for love.
Believing that it is something THEY ARE DOING wrong.
When children and adult children accept reality they will see that no matter what you do, you can't change another.
In fact, look how hard it is to change your own life. To even look at what your kindness is changing.
And, again, if I am viewed as being unkind for speaking my truth....than kindness is to lie.
To pretend is kind.
To deny is kind.
Truth is seen as something that is awful to another?
Now isn't that concept a tad dysfunctional?
In my life now, I celebrate the truth no matter what it is. I accept it. I honor it and I respect it. I have no use for the land of kindness, for most often it will not accept my truth.
Rarely is truth seen as kindness.
And what a huge benefit this is to all the perpetrators of the land. To all the unkind, dysfunctional folks...they love your kindness, for it will never see their evil deeds.
Out of kindness you all look away.
Love to me is truth.
Love without truth is not love.