"Step Three - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understand God."
Let Go. Let God.
"We do not believe our brains are missing any elements. We start with the premise that we are whole and that we had a normal reaction to an abnormal situation of being raised in a dysfunctional home. Our normal reaction to protect ourselves has created survival traits, compulsions, and self-harming behaviors, which respond to the ACA Steps and spiritual remedies. We are not minimizing the severity of our situation as adult children. The disease of family dysfunction manifests itself in dependency, addiction, and dissociative personalities. The disease can kill. Every day, adult children commit suicide, die in addiction, or die one day at a time in silent isolation, thinking they are hopeless. In ACA, we believe we were born whole and became fragmented in body, mind, and spirit through abandonment and shame. We need help finding a way to return to our miracle state."
"In addition to a deep sense of shame and abandonment, we believe that most of our emotional and mental distress can be traced to our steadfast nature to control. In ACA, we realize that control was the survival trait that kept us safe or alive in our dysfunctional homes. We controlled our thoughts, our voices, and many times our posture to escape detection from an abusive parent or care giver. We knew our parents were looking for imaginary clues to criticize us or verbally attack us. As adults we continue to control ourselves and our relationships in an unhealthy manner. This brings abandonment or predictable turmoil. We make promises to do better but eventually return to our obsessive need to compulsively arrange, question, worry, dust, wash, lock, unlock, read, or hyper vigilantly survey our thoughts and actions to feel safe. But it is never enough. Experience shows there is little hope and spirituality in homes governed by smothering control."
"By making a decision to turn our will and lives over to the care of God as we understand God, we are actually making two decisions. By deciding to ask a Higher Power for guidance in Step Three, we are also deciding to back away from control. We are surrendering our plans to run our own lives on self-will. We are asking God for help, which strikes at the heart of our instinctual reaction to solve problems on our own."
"The decision we make in Step Three represents on of our first true choices."
Further on it is written….
"While we realize God's love in Step Three, we acknowledge that many adult children have been spiritually abused and struggle with the concept of God in addition to the struggle with control. The emotional and spiritual damage created by such acts of betrayal are staggering for some. We urge these ACA members to keep an open mind and to be gentle with themselves as they work the ACA steps to find a God of their understanding. We believe our best hope is seeking a spiritual solution in concert with other recovering adult children."
"Other forms of spiritual abuse include the adults in our lives appearing righteous in public while hateful and abusive behind closed doors. This is yet another conflicting view of God in which the child is confused and believes this to be the face of God…" ACA
Third Step Prayer
God. I am willing to surrender my fears and to place my will and my life in your care one day at a time. Grant me the wisdom to know the difference between the things I can and cannot change. Help me to remember that I can ask for help. I am not alone. Amen.
Step Three Spiritual Principles: Willingness and Accepting Help
I could quote the whole section…for I understand and agree with what is written, in not only what happened, but how we responded and then how we now have unlearn and let go.
What strikes at my core is the process of learning to trust a higher power that is over you. When our elders failed us so miserably and how we learned self care and protection in order to survive.
To learn or dare to lay down our survival skills and open ourselves up to being hurt AND in handing over our lives once again to someone to control.
It matters not if it is God or the Universe….it is the act of being vulnerable and trusting once again….our willingness to be hurt.
To break open our heart and let Him in.
