Step Seven - Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
The speak of bringing in balance and removing our defects.
Continued Defects Balance/Reparent with
Self-Centered Selflessness
Not always honest Rigorous Honesty
Manipulative Sincerity
Perfectionist Compromise
I think the crucial part of recognizing our defects is to then not do them...to replace them with the opposite. It sounds simple, but it is actually tough to do, except when you recognize how hurtful you are when you don't succeed in replacing the defect.
I had children living with me, as well as my husband, and even my family of origin...and it was in dealing with these ongoing/old relationships that were the toughest to change.
For one, they were not working on changing themselves and when I changed...IT changed the relationship.
It wasn't always easy to be this new me, for I was challenged by the old ways and often ridiculed for my new self...and lost relationships that were built upon the old ways and were now uncomfortable with my new self.
I understand this.
I also feel that I am much kinder this way, compared to the old me. Even if some can't feel that. It is like the birds of a feather flock together...and I changed to much to fit into places where my old self was welcomed.
I can barely recollect her, but the terms "Not always honest, manipulative, perfectionist...bring her into view.
I would say, I was also narrow minded and fearful...and needed lots of things from other people to make me me...and I controlled them with my liking or disliking. Very much conditional in my love.
It was very hard to live that way. To be bound to others approval or disapproval, and to want them to live their lives for me.
While it may be painful to see your defects, it is even more painful to see the hurt they inflicted upon others; the cost or toll my happiness cost others.
If my happiness or peace or joy depends upon another's action...I am trying to wear my old self.
It is very uncomfortable to be her.
I love the new me.
She lets others be who they want to be.
I am free to come and go and they are as well.
What they call defects are actually things that keep you from being free and happy...and codependent upon others.
If you are not free to say yes or to say no, you are linked into someone's happiness.
I also love "rigorously honest". For it is there you will discover you. Being you, no matter what the backlash. Not easy...especially when your trait is to be a people pleaser. It is to then, displease others to please yourself.
We become like nature, perfect in our imperfections and willing to be a unique individual.
