Step Two - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity...from the book, "Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families".
"In one respect, Step Two implies that we had sanity and lost it when in reality we may be learning about sanity for the first time in ACA. A helpful tip in working Step Two involves replacing the word "sanity" with "clarity". By working Step Two, we gain clarity about how our family dysfunction affects us in our lives as adults. We gain clarity about our abandonment and internal shame. Many of us find Step Two sanity through clarity."
"Step One Spiritual Principles: Powerlessness and Surrender"
"Step Two Spiritual Principles: Openmindedness and Clarity"
In step two they are asking for an open mind. But, can you open your mind with a closed mind?
In my experience, the programmed or denial mind crashed. Its usefulness was null and void against the reality that exposed itself.
There was a moment in time where what I thought I knew was so incredibly off, to ever trust it again. It was then I realized the mind could make stuff up. It literally was insane and I had built a life upon it.
The difference between living life through your mind, compared to walking with reality is so large I can't begin to begin to explain it. It has to be experienced.
But as Neale Donald Walsh wrote "In order to experience the Ultimate Reality you have to be out of your mind."
It is very scary to be in reality...especially when your reality isn't to find a loving and kind family; but one who is insane. I know that my family doesn't want to hear this, but who but the insane would not respond to abuse?
The greatest example of this insanity is how "kindness" becomes the last shield many will hide behind...so as to NOT see reality clearly and certainly NOT act upon it.
They don't want to be 'unkind' like me....and put up boundaries.
They will not disown or walk away from family... no matter what they are staying.
It doesn't matter how someone treats you, doesn't see you, or if they abuse your children; you ain't leaving. You are that tough.
All I can share is the difference between my mother and I. She was always kind to my father. How did that work out for her? How did kindness protect the children or give my mother love?
If her kindness failed, then why will yours work?
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.
Here is what we can know. The reason abuse and dysfunction flows IS due to the kindness of others.
I looked up the word "Kind"
"a group of people or things having similar characteristics."
"a group of people or things that belong together or have some shared quality."
"of a good or benevolent nature or disposition, as a person: a kind and loving person."
I LoVe this.
We immediately will discount the 'kind' as being similar, especially IF we are talking about dysfunction and instead will proclaim the third definition.
If we can just sit with the two definitions of kind...we will be able to discern IF our actions are replicating our ancestors or are they different.
And, is it kinder to repeat the dysfunction or to change the pattern.
