With Mother's Day, comes a sense of doing something, honor or acknowledge memories and acts of love...dedication to the woman of our childhood...or the role model we followed. We see our mother through our childhood experiences.
As a mother, you are then in the middle where you look up and are looked at from below; your children.
When we think of Mother's Day, we often don't see their children.
Mother's are links in the chain...each bringing forth the legacy of family.
But, as you all know, my link and my mother's link don't fit together...the continum has been broken.
The very character and traits that are my mother, ARE what I have changed and left behind. We no longer resemble each other. It is as if we are strangers.
How do you celebrate or honor the very character flaws that I had to bury?
I guess, what I get left with more than anything, is the gratefulness I have for all my changes. The changes that made me stronger, truthful and with clear boundaries and values, is what has put distance between my mother and I.
With these changes, I hope my daughters will have traits, character and memories of a woman to whom they can take parts and carry them forward. That our links will fit together...to hold family.
I don't think we can clearly see our mother until we mother.
Or in times where our truths are either seen or denied.
Alice Miller says, that we see ourselve through our mother's eyes.
If that is true, we also see our truths or the lack thereof, in how our mother sees not only her reality, but ours.
How her choices impact the lives of her children.
While there is a separation...there is also a link.
I don't feel that I was a mother, until my choices were made to honor the child; my children as well as my inner child.
One of the hardest things to overcome is to go against your mother.
To stand up and disappoint her, in order to honor your truths.
We are taught to obey our moms.
To do what brings her happiness.
I have disappointed and dishonored her, by my silence and distance.
And I have done so without regrets.
For I was my mother for 46 years, and had I not changed. I would have wanted my children to stand clear of me, to do different than I, to be stronger...to see what I failed to see and to act in ways that honored their truth and being; their self.
I am being the daughter I hope my daughters (and son) will be.
One who will stand for her(his) Self, no matter what.
I know that many will view my estrangement from my mother on Mother's Day an act of rebellion or being stubborn even Unloving...they want me to reclaim my mother. But in doing so I would leave behind my innerchild...my truth and self.
In dysfunctional homes, there is no way to honor your parent and your self...you have to pick one.
One will repeat history and the other will reconnect you to your soul.
One denies the truth, the other embraces it.
In one you move towards love, peace and joy and the other away from it.
One the child is innocent and the other the parent is.
When I saw my innocent child, I saw my mother's neglect of me.
I then saw my neglect of my children. I had to be the mother I didn't have in order to break the chain.
I would not be the mother I am today, had I not left my mother.
I stayed with her...my little girl. I saw her and didn't turn away...from her abuse.
I honor all mother's who can see to the truth of their child. A child's self worth shines from their mother's eyes.
