"As a result of the damage I have seen so many children inflicted with at the hands of unwitting parents, I suggest we remove ourselves from the pedestal of approval-giving by telling ourselves each day, "I ask to be released from the notion that I have any power or jurisdiction over my child's spirit. I release my child from the need to obtain my approval, as well as from the fear of my disapproval. I will give my approval freely as my child has earned this right. I ask for the wisdom to appreciate the sparkle of my child's ordinariness. I ask for the ability not to base my child's being on grades or milestones reached. I ask for the grace to sit with my child each day and simply revel in my child's presence. I ask for a reminder of my own ordinariness and the ability to bask in its beauty. I'm not here to judge or approve my child's natural state. I'm not here to determine what course my child's life should take. I'm here as my child's spiritual partner. My child's spirit is infinitely wise and will manifest itself in exactly the way it's meant to. My child's spirit will reflect the manner in which I am invited to respond to my own essence." Dr.Shefali Tsabary...
If only parents understood and embraced the fact that how we embrace, engage and respond to our own inner sense of self, IS how our children will see themselves.
Parenting is more about living the example, and they will mirror you...without fail.
This brings me much peace, knowing that the more I can fully respond to my own essence, the more my children will be alerted to theirs.
Conscious parenting isn't so much about the needs of the child, as it is about our own needs. How we listen to our inner self and how capable we are in honoring who we are.
Freeing our child's spirit is the ultimate in parenting.
Allowing them to connect inwardly and to detach themselves as our happiness maker.
A very high marker of healthy is when a child makes a choice that is opposite of ours and that we both find a way to make peace with it. To detach from the choice and allow the consequences to land where they may.
I understand that what Dr. Shafli writes about will seem very self serving...selfish and in complete opposition of what we were taught and how we were raised....and I am so excited about it.
To be free from the expectations, happiness or unhappiness of your parent is the ultimate space to respond to your essence.
In order for me to embrace my inner child/self...I had to be okay with failing on many levels with my parents and siblings. I began living the opposite of how we were raised.
I no longer served an outside master...nor could I care more about another's inner landscape...than my own.
It is my hope, that the more conscious parents become, the less estrangements will happen...in order for a child to be free.
I see children breaking free as they begin responding to their essence...leaving families that do not celebrate the individual child. In order to live from the inside out, they have to ask for space from their family. For the family dynamic isn't conducive to self expression...but in serving thy mother and thy father...first.
What my last 10 years of learning have been about is this separation...and to follow my inner knowing, regardless of how other's feel or respond. To stay true to course, no matter what.
In doing so, I have opened the doorway for my child to do the same.
What I want the most, is a child that knows itself. A child that is free from the strings of approval or the fear of disapproval...but one who can fearlessly be themselves!
