"Are you aware that anxiety is a form of "Doing?" (Conscious Parenting)
"One of the most common forms of "doing" that we use to cover up our inability to just be is anxiety."
"When parents react to their circumstances with doubt,hesitation, pessimism,or distrust, unable to sit calmly in their present reality, anxiously seeking answers to how their future will look, children orient themselves to life in the same way."
"Because such parents don't see life's difficulties as an invitation to their resilience, instead developing an attitude of "woe is me," their children develop the same emotional response to their own difficulties. Inheriting the anxiety imprint creates a feeling of victimhood, and a desire to play the role of a martyr."
"Similarly, when parents interact with the present moment in such a way that they focus on what they feel is missing, lack becomes their children's lens on the world. This is the result of feeling such emptiness that, when we look at the world around us, we focus on what's familiar, which is all the things we think are missing. We are so unused to operating out of a sense of abundance that we can't recognize the abudance in the universe."
"In some of us, anxiety fuels a need to be "perfect," which leads to a compulsion to "fix" ourselves, all of which is driven by a longing to garner everyone's approval of us. In others of us, anxiety fuels just the opposite of a desire for approval, which takes the shape of a spirit of rebellion. We still feel we ought to be perfect, still have a yearning to fix ourselves, still want approval, but these are overshadowed by our actual behavior."
"More than anything, anxiety tends to surface as a need to control. When we are unable to be with ourselves, just as we are, we forsake a kinship with our authenticity. In place of authenticity, we either seek to establish some sense of being "in control of ourselves" by bending the will of another, or we try to feel in control dominating someone else, especially our children. In an attempt to reduce our anxiety, we are driven to order the circumstances of our life, dictate the outcome of situations, and organize the people among whom we live."
"Worry gives us a reassuring sense we are "doing" something, fooling us into imagining we somehow have control over things. By engaging in mental "doing"we feel we are taking action. However, since worrying is focused on the future, on things not yet developed, it deflects us from initiating positive action in the present. The truth is worry is a mask for our fear of being "present" in our present."
"Paradoxically, when we are caught up in anxiety, we are afraid of actually taking charge of our situation in a way that might change things for better. In fact, when we examine anxiety closely, it's really a passive state - a distractor that allows us to fill our head with busy thoughts that appear to be active responses to our situation but in reality are powerless. Though we seek to impose control through the stance we take on an issue, by means of our thoughts, or by seeking to impose our will on others, we rarely take the action required to alter things."
"The anxiety generated by the thought of surrendering to our reality manifests itself in a variety of ways. It's worth exploring some of them. For instance, whenever life doesn't turn out the way we want it to, we experience an overarching sense that we are "above" life, which means that things are only supposed to go wrong for other people, not "special" individuals like ourselves. We tell ourselves, "This isn't supposed to happen to me. This can't happen to this family. I can't believe that I, of all people, have to go through this. I need more from life. This isn't what I bargained for.This isn't what I worked so hard for."
"A cycle of this kind, passed from generation to generation, is only broken when we discover that worrying is a mask for a fear of being present. By becoming present, we can help our children develop their trust in life as inherently wise."
Dr. Shefali Tasabary
I think we think, that anxiety and worry are just obvious caring items...that mean we are over concerned and attentive....But who knew, that what we really feared was the present moment full of what it is holding?
I know that becoming present in a present that was anything but what I wanted, I broke the link of a generational avoidance with reality in the present.
How odd that the goal of being perfect discounts the present and as it is in this moment...putting them aside while longing for more. Not seeing the abundance, what it needs more of.
I again, have parented from the unconscious and the conscious. The difference is a complete and wild turnaround, while doing nothing to alter the present, than to sit with wholly.
The peace that comes from fully accepting this moment in time allows no room or reason for anxiety and worry.
If you can accept the worst than there is no reason to fear the present, no matter what appears.
I know I can.
I also know, that I will know what to do in that moment, when it happens. No sense to worry, for all worry is a mask for a fear of being present.
The goal in life and in parenting is to be present.
That is all.
Don't scurry away from this moment in time....but rather be with it.
I wondered what happened to my worry...and now I know. I also know, that when I begin to worry, it feels awful and it is so hard to live there. I quickly return to this moment of time...
