"Codependents go numb by obsessing, controlling and denying." Melody Beattie
"Codependency is subtle, insidious. To recover from chemical dependency, we admit that we're powerless over alcohol. We realize we aren't controlling alcohol; it's controlling us. Now alcohol was controlling me again, but it was the alcohol someone else was drinking. That's what made it so confusing. I began to see I'm powerless over almost everything. It's a painful, defeated feeling when we admit we're powerless and our lives are that messed up. The good news is, when we surrender to what we're powerless over, we discover our true power."
"Recovering from addictions was grueling. But surprisingly, healing from codependency became fun after I surrendered to the pain. It feels good to take care of ourselves. I became excited, then obsessed - but now I was obsessed with codependency. (Obsession can be positive,) I wanted to learn everything I could - not about the alcoholic, but about this thing that had brought me to my knees. The perky woman who welcomed me to my first meeting was right; If we're alcoholics or addicts and codependents, we are Double Winners."
"The wheel of life turns constantly. It's the wheel that creates paradigm shifts, changes in perception, and changes in our lives. Often events in one person's life symbolize these larger shifts in the world. His Holiness the Dalai Lama was ousted from Tibet. But many people say that the Dalai Lama's los was the world's gain. His departure from Tibet symbolized the enlightenment principles spreading from a tiny country atop a large mountain all the way around the world to the United States. These principles became the basics of recovery and self-care; nonattachment (letting go and detaching); nonresistance (surrender and acceptance); and awareness (taking inventory daily). Recovery also encourages prayer and meditation. People in recovery learn to live like little monks - they're offered a spiritual way of life."
"We connect with ourselves and learn to connect in healthy ways with other people. We develop a personal relationship with God, a Higher Power of our understanding. We find meaning in every detail of our lives; there isn't anything that we did or that happened to us that can't be used for good. We finally find our purpose instead of feeling like a mistake. Plus we get the tools to handle any experience we encounter. These are some of the gifts of recovery. That's what we win, and its a lot more than two things." Melody
I honestly think most people have no idea that they are codependent and are absent from their own lives; so off center they have disappeared.
They don't realize they are gone, for they have been missing since early childhood.
It's insidious ways has us so focused on what others think and want, we don't even know we are not present.
Do you know when you have lost your self?
Can you find a self you don't even know?
Is it possible, that the only reason you can tolerate living codependently IS because you are not there to protest?
I find this extremely intriguing.
How we as a society have been raised via religion and abusive families to leave our self behind in order to capitulate to their needs. And, also were rewarded with attention when we did so. We became another individual, leaving our own self behind, in order to keep the peace in our family.
The codependent self is our false self.
It lives only in the eyes of other.
When I broke down in 2004...it was the codependent that shattered.
While my life appeared to be in complete ruin...a sprout of Self was revealed.
I caught a glimpse of my life and saw I wasn't there.
It was all built upon the needs and demands and rules and beliefs of someone else.
I set out to find my missing self.
I did so by staying disconnected from what others needed/wanted me to do for their own peace and edification.
While it was tragic on one hand...living 46 years as a codependent...it was equally as thrilling to finally be able to be me. Excited filled the void where codependency once lived.
Being self centered is to have a sense of self and honor that, no matter what task or relationship you engage in.
I am now 10 years in the process of living a life as a separate being.
