The two worlds existing side by each is so remarkable. And the inhabitants of each world speak two different languages and see things completely different.
Not like a similar variation or just a bit down the spectrum...but completely different.
Where one daughter sees a dad and the other a pedophile.
That different.
And the occupants of these worlds can't speak to each other for each sees a completely different person. Our language has no common denominator.
Our words fall on deaf ears. Our beliefs hold us prisoner each on our own side.
The woman who was able to see her mother as an alcoholic, said about her life and her childhood...."It was to see everything in color after only seeing black and white for years."
I said, only months after seeing....that I see too much.
There are only two worlds in the mind. But reality holds only one.
I know why many live in the other world.
You get to have a mom and a dad.
You get to have family.
You get to have what our mother's mind created.
You get to skip around and forgive and forget anything that would shatter that world.
I am threat to the veil you hold in your mind.
I come in with a rush of ugly.
With emotions too wild to hold and feel.
I am the representative of all the things the veil has hidden.
The ugly truths your world can't hold.
This knowing of two world existing together...and how the mind keeps you away from mine...brings me peace.
Knowing it isn't personal.
When I first stumbled upon this "other" land I was horrified, shocked and shattered...my whole life blew apart and was completely constructed and rebuilt in one horrifying moment.
I died and was reborn. You died too. You who I knew no longer existed...and were reborn into someone I couldn't recognize anymore.
Into a world where everything was the opposite of what my mind had labeled.
I am a stranger now to the old land. One who doesn't believe the old labels.
I am now at home on this side.
While we are standing on different sides of the veil, we will not hear each other. It will only be when we are standing together.
I know I can't go back.
I can't put the veil up and not see what I saw.
I can't pretend to pretend to pretend.
So we will travel through the years together but apart.
I see you.
And you see me.
Yet we don't see the same.
Everything is different; depending upon what side you are standing on.
Somehow this image brings me peace; knowing the sentiment I have heard.
"Forgive them, they know not what they do."
Reading in The New Codependency by Melody Beattie, she writes.
"Communicate Authentically"
"Are we talking to manipulate, control, or alter someone's perception instead of to honestly express ourselves? We can't simultaneously communicate who we are and control or manipulate. When we're manipulating or controlling, we're not speaking our truth. If we're numb or disconnected from ourselves, we may not know what our truth is! Maybe we are not lying, but we're not being who we are. It's not deliberate. Some of us have been codependent chameleons for so long we don't have a sense of ourselves at all. Our intuitive responses to people - and how they talk to us - can give us real hints to what other people are up to, and where they're at. But that requires trusting ourselves and knowing what we're feeling. If people are trying to control us, we'll feel like we want to back off, run away, escape. If we're being manipulated, we'll feel confused and cruddy after the conversation ends. Another communication problem is draining energy or power from someone under the guise of "talking." People may act like they want to have a conversation with us, but many people with codependency issues use conversation as a way to get us to take care of them. They're draining our energy the way thieves siphon gas from someone's car. People segue from asking how the person is into begging the person to tell them what to do, listen to them complain, or take care of them emotionally. If someone is "taking power" in communication, it can be detected by how the person is robbed of power feels when the conversation ends - exhausted, drained, or depleted. When someone feels incomplete and things the other person holds the missing piece to them, they drain other people's energy or take their power. Is someone controlling, manipulating, or draining you? Does someone's name on your Caller ID evoke a groan, or do you hide in another aisle when you see the person at the grocery store because (whether you have the words to describe it or not), you know he or she wants to control, manipulate or suck your soul? Or is the situation reversed? Are people avoiding you? Do you want something you're not honest about or aware of from them? Do you want them to fix you, validate you, make you feel better? Do you believe they have some magic, insight, answers, or power you don't? Do you htnk someone else has the power to make you feel whole and complete?" Melody
Perhaps the two worlds are simply those who communicate to honestly express themselves and those who communicate to control and manipulate.
The only reason they communicate is to keep their fake world going...by trying to control others to keep it all in place. The thing they fear the most is complete and utter freedom to be.
To express, to feel and to be who we are.
The contrast in communications between the two, are worlds apart.
