"Forget Everything And Run OR Face Everything And Rise" Zig Ziglar
Today I will find a plate to write my fears. (For Lung Leavin Day ) First I have to seek within to find them.
What do I fear?
I have thought briefly about the content of my fears and where they are stored.
I wondered in what part of my life I would find them.
I have monitored my body to see what comes up. And checked my mind and my feelings. So far there is nothing tangible for me to grab onto.
Somehow I believe I have lived out my worst fears...or certainly faced a huge amount.
It had me wondering about fear and where it is stored and how is it accessed. How it piles up and is the content the same world wide? What creates fear so strong it has you in prison by its force? And, even more important how do you become fearless?
To me, my fearless state required I walk with all my fears. It wasn't until I seemingly lost it all, that all my fears came home to roost together, that I entered into the state of being fearless; all my fears arrived and I continued to breathe.
Not only breathe, but grow stronger having lived out my greatest fears.
Here are some of my old fears in random order as I recall my darkest moments...perhaps when the clouds of fear descended upon me.
Fear of being different.
Fear of being the blending in and disappearing.
Fear of being intimate.
Fear of my emotions.
Fear of having no emotions.
Fear of having a broken heart.
Fear of losing my identity.
Fear of having no identity.
Fear of a hopeless future in a cycle I couldn't get out of.
Fear of change.
Fear of not being able to change.
Fear of not being heard.
Fear of speaking my truth.
Fear of my overwhelming anger.
Fear of public disgrace with my father's exposure.
Fear of not knowing what to say and no one asked.
Fear of sharing my most private things on this blog.
Fear of retaliation.
Fear of annihilation.
Fear of being disliked.
Fear of not being able to stay with my truth.
Fear of following my truth and being hated because of it and the fear I would capitulate to be liked; so I wouldn't be alone.
Fear of speaking truths that shown a bright light upon the dysfunctional family and being shunned.
Fear of not being able to change enough to make a difference in my home.
Fear of being wrong while following my body and soul.
Fears that mostly consisted of me being me and not being accepted because of it. Fears of embracing all my imperfections and making them public would be the end of me.
My greatest fears were of the truth and how it would impact the world IF they became known. My truths about my feelings and my experiences.
So, what do I have left to fear if I have attempted to live truthfully for the past 10 years AND have faced many of the consequences I feared?
I looked up some quotes about fear....
"I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear." Rosa Parks
Does that ring true for me. I vowed I would stand with the child against my father. Perhaps that is what lessened my fears.
"The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is the fear of the unknown." H. P. Lovecraft
In facing the unknown....I learned you can't know. And I found peace living in the unknown. Another fear neutralized.
"What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are learning about fear, not how to escape from it." Jidda Krishnamurti
I had felt cornered by my truths (fears) and they were much too big to hide or coverup and nowhere to run....so I became very astute in understanding their source, the root cause and how they impacted how I lived and conducted myself. Once I felt there was no way around the truth, I immersed myself in it. Another way I became fearless about fear.
"Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is freedom." Marilyn Ferguson
I think somehow my subconsciousness knew this and it was indeed the case....for after every fear was faced, I became freer and freer!
So, what to write on the plate?
"The other side of every fear is Freedom!"
My intentions with breaking the plates with our fears on them is to transform the fear into something beautiful; a mosaic work of art.
