Today is the first day of year Seven.
Yes, I have been blogging on this site for 6 full years. This post is number 1770.
When I began, I had no clue as to how this would be. I do remember being terrified, for I knew I would be posting online and out loud things that I had previously kept in handwritten journals. I wanted to break the silence even further; by going public.
Here's what I had written in the first month...
"My heart is so courageous, so brave and so sure. I follow along feeling like an imposter. I am hoping that by faking it until I make it, I will become better at this.
Maybe it is just my mind, my thoughts of me that is taking awhile catching up. I am not at home in my mind yet. In fact it seems I live more ‘out of my mind’ than in.
Maybe you don’t have a broken heart, but a broken mind. My mind thinks and believes from long past ways. My mind hasn’t kept up with the truths of today."
I love her. I recall how it felt to be out of mind....following my heart, body and soul and not knowing if or when I would feel okay with me.
Here is what I wrote about the blog itself....
When the Blog idea came to me, I could envision me being in contact with other women who found themselves outside the normal category of society. Women who are in a place of either accepting their imperfections, their reality and learning how to live from there, or being a failure.
What I found, in my own experience, was that if you live from the spot of being imperfect, there are no rules to follow, no norm to measure up to, no yardstick to fall short of. Instead you are able to live life that is for you alone to decide if it works. Now this doesn't mean that I am a rebel, but rather I am a free spirit in a loving way to myself and mankind.
I would like to share my experiences of walking free of dysfunctional patterns, learning how to build up a new you, to the many wonderful Spiritual Authors who shed the Light upon the way.
I would like this blog to inspire confidence, free spirit, and self-love for woman who are lost in a sea of dysfunction and abuse. I would like to be a voice of reason in their head full of madness.
To show them that Imperfection is Perfection. That it is impossible to strive to be someone else. That all your experiences, your life to this point is exactly as it should be. It is from this point that you can look back and learn from your past to make a future that is more to your inner desire.
There are no rules, except to be you. You do what you do, for reasons that are strictly your own to decide. It is the whole journey to go from being a free soul when we are born, to getting stuck in patterns of our childhood that hold on to us into adulthood, to one day stepping free again.
I still agree with what I wrote, which I find is remarkable in and of itself! Except maybe I am feeling more perfect than imperfect!
This work of art was created after my "Imperfect Workshop"...
Art by Michele Cedarquist... Thanks Michele, I was moved to tears when I saw this! I LOVE what you created from my words.
It makes all the forging ahead into the unknown worth it to have someone 'get it'.
Along with Michele there were a few other women who sent me messages... how my story gave them hope and inspired them. I am honored my words touched a part of them, that seeks what I sought.
My journey over the past 6 years has given me wonderful opportunities to go even more public than my blog...to speak out loud breaking down more barriers of silence within our local community. And, the best part of doing them is meeting the strong women and (sometimes men) who share their stories with me.
I can't know where the next 6 will take me...but I lead this 6, as a woman who knows her heart. Trusts it, speaks it and lives it. Just as I had in the early years....but without the convictions that I would one day fully own my power...and feel confident as me.
I now have confidence and wisdom of living authentically....from the inside out, letting my heart lead the way.
My heart is represented in My Lady.
Below is one of my quilts before the Lady emerged....I called it Soul Lost. You can see the swirling mix and the crescent moon shape....I saw as my soul. A part of me that was shining in the confusion.
I Love the first tentative expressions of My Lady....for they so matched me.
This blog will continue on...we shall see where she goes.
I will have to see if I have new intentions, dreams, hopes and desires...
For now, it is just do what I had intended....when I wrote my first blog post.
"It is my intention to share on here my insights in self-discovery...and my Quilted Art Works."
Thanks to all who have followed, read and understood...you were the ear I needed to hear me.
Writing it out...got it out, sorted it out, expressed how it felt to be me, being different; breaking the silence and living my truth out loud. May this continue to inspire others to live from the inside out!
