IMPERFECT Lady

Born to be

I was afraid of you.

I was afraid of what you would do.

I was torn between wanting to be with you and being terrified of being alone with you.

I wanted your protection and instead I needed protection from you.

I wanted your love; but not the way you love.

I wanted to play the games, but not be hurt.

I wanted the attention but was afraid of it.

The pull of my mind and the fear in my body confused me.

The natural tendencies of a child fought with the experiences of abuse.

When I didn't remember why I feared you....I thought the fear was mine.

I made it up.

I couldn't love.

It wasn't fun being a little girl who couldn't love.

I tried to love; but was so afraid.

I was afraid of love.

A child broken who can't love.

A broken child who doesn't trust.

A child unable to find the love in joy in the world.

What kind of a child is empty of joy and love?

Yet, I felt love for my siblings; each new baby that entered our home.

I cared for.

I watched.

But wasn't vigilant enough...they each got hurt.

I tried to love them enough to fill the gaps...but I was too small, just a kid.

I wasn't their mother...yet I mothered.

I then wasn't their sister, but a substitute mother who wasn't the mother.

It is to be set upon a stage without the proper place to be.

Not a child for adults were doing adult things with her.

Not an adult; but a child.

Living in dysfunction and being made to act like it wasn't there.

Where do you stand when you don't fit into either place?

It wasn't love, so I couldn't stand there.

And no one acknowledge abuse, so we can't stand there.

Hard to find yourself when you have no place to be.

Creating a self in an illusionary land.

The shifting scenes mask all the bad...while you know it's there.

To be you...is impossible.

A little girl who can't love for those she loved hurt her...

She feels unlovable, for there is no love inside.

She does things to be more lovable hoping they will see her love.

But the fear, I believe is stronger, than anything she could do.

At 46 years of age, the little girl found out, her body didn't lie. She can love.

She had just been trying to love the wrong way.

I used to love those I feared.

Now, I fear those I fear.

I don't try and override my body's signals and emotions.

As a child I had no choice.

I had no voice.

I had to pretend to pretend all was well with thee...to love and honor thy father and thy mother...

Or go to hell.

I didn't know I was already there.

Hell is my childhood masquerading as a loving family.

I dropped my mask of love and replaced it with the raw emotions of fear.

I felt the vulnerability when I fell out of denial and really saw how twisted my parents were...and how in order to survive, how twisted I was.

I had to twist myself to match the insane reality...to make it right.

After seeing the truth, I unraveled.

I then became the child I was born to be...

 

 

 

Nature does loving families well!  They protect the little ones who can't protect themselves! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Coming from Whence I came.

When I re-read what I wrote and ended with "Part Bad and Part Good"....I wondered about my parents value; what part do I see in them?

What part are children allowed to talk about?

Do parents have 'good parts and bad parts'?

Do people?

Are we made up of good things and bad.  Is there a combination like "They are great people who have poor behaviors?

Is it possible that as children we are not allowed to address the bad parts so we are only left with acting as if it is good....since Good is all we are allowed to acknowledge.

So, is that what denial is?  Speaking only of the good. And, you are BAD if you speak of the bad.

Very interesting to find myself viewing the actions of my parents...or their values.

I have accepted the invitation to go back to my childhood as an adult but to see my child there.

To see the landscape and to feel the energy and the flow of our relationship(s).

On the family stage how are we all acting and being ourselves; what is our character doing, being and is it true?

Whose feelings are the main spotlight and what are the costs to thee other cast members?

When we ask children to only acknowledge the good, we are setting them up on a stage for them to act out of character.  To have bad things done, but to pretend only 'good' has happened.

Given that this was the rule, "we can only act upon the good things....and we have to pretend to pretend, that the bad didn't happen" how do you feel you would navigate this world.

It is to be with bad behaviors and ACT like they are not happening.

What an actress I became.

Volcano's of terror inside and the outside moving about as if nothing is wrong.

Holding on to terror while being a child...

In fact, as I pondered what I would feel last night, I thought of my night terrors would be an adequate depiction of my feelings as a child.

Frozen in Terror unable to move....

But, it is actually worse. 

Frozen in Terror but having to put on a happy face. Being with folks WHO created this terror, but acting like they were warm and fuzzy.

And, knowing if you didn't pull it off, you would be punished, neglected, banished....etc.

This has been my experience. That when I began to address and speak out loud about the behaviors we were not supposed to talk about, I am no longer part of that family.

As a child, I was between a rock and a hard place.

Not wanting to be with the terror, but there was nowhere to go.

Wanting parents. 

Wanting parents who didn't have this underlying bad behavior that was a juxtaposition from their social facade.

It created in me....the pretender...Denial.

So on the stage in my childhood are all manner of bad behaviors of parents and a child pretending they are good parents.

Pull that off and not have a twisted mind.

I am amazed I was able to do and be with any semblance of function....coming from whence I came.

 

 

 

Part Bad and Part Good

A few things have been leading me up to writing this....from the pain in my hip that won't be quiet, to subtle reminders in the latest books I am listening to and/or reading.

Today I heard...."A child's unconditional love isn't enough to make a parent love them."

And, a woman thinking back to her childhood, asking "Is that what family does?  Is this how family acts?"

Although I have written many words and faced many things, I have yet to come face to face or sat with the emotions of myself as a young child AND to feel what I feel about my parents: uncensored.

I know I do lump them both together as the contributors of feelings.

What are my feelings about them?

What did I feel as a child?

Has it been easier for me, when I  took away their titles and called them by their first names....when I left them behind?

I am suspicious of me being too kind.

Of not wanting to blatantly meet them one on one.

Even though I have met my mother face to face since discovering my father's pedophilia...I haven't stood with my honest feelings of her.

I have kept away from her and him....and my feelings.

This may be the juncture of where I parted ways with honesty...about what I feel.

For, in order to feel this, completely, I have to meet them meeting me.

To see them treating me.

To see me being treated by them.

To get into the ring of three.

Of two.

Alone.

Child to parent.

Parent to child.

Can I?

In the story today, the author was writing about being part of a lie.  And to be part of a lie, you agreed to leave the truth behind.

Mine....and theirs.

When I look back on my childhood it appears to be heavy, very tough to breathe in.  The feelings there are divided...in as much as the two very distinct lives of my parents.

I don't really have feelings about their abuse and denial. 

I oddly have feelings of a child toward a parent.

Which is why I don't have access to or the connection of my feelings of their abuse.

In living with the lies and denial, I have severed myself from my feelings about the abuse.

I have written blogs and have talked about my estrangement and have delved into the survival self....but have done very little with the child and her parents.

A child and her childhood.

A child and her feelings.

Feelings that stand in contrast to that of a child and parent.

It is said that the link between child and parent is extremely strong...and one that isn't easily broken.  I have separated them as parents by using their given names, and in doing so spared me the onslaught of feelings while I separated myself from them.

Now, comes the time to feel me and them.

Bringing together my child and her feelings about them.

What does she really feel and see?

As I sit here, my art is across the way....on my couch. 

I see the brightness and free spirit and joy.

I know these feelings.

I have to follow them backwards to where no lies live and see what I feel about my parents...Mom and Dad.

At this point, I went out to mow the grass, to be lulled by the hum of the motor and to be in Nature.

I didn't find anger or rage.

I didn't find any essence of my parents.

I found instead Me.

The little girl who thought she was responsible; who tried so hard.

Who did so much, who was so compliant.

I felt her innocence; not her wound.

The wound I feel was to live in denial for 40 years...and to feel her goodness wasn't good enough; to matter.

There is a separation.

Between their (parents) treatment and what I deserved.

It is unconscionable.

In order to have parents I was willing to do almost anything.

I was willing to shut off my feelings and help them with the lie.

The lie being, I wasn't good enough.

To love and protect.

I thought I would see them wounding me...instead I saw Me doing too much to make it work.

I will visit them again tomorrow and see if I can feel what they did.

Today, I felt who I was...and there was no malcontent. 

I had to look up the word "Malcontent" to see if this fit.

"A person who is dissatisfied and rebellious...

Synonyms - troublemaker, mischief-maker, agitator, dissident, rebel, rabble-rouser

"Dissatisfied, complaining or making trouble."

In my mind and the way I have been treated, I was the malcontent.

I saw or felt myself as a malcontent in my younger years and there were two of me; the bad and the artist...the wound and the artist...the denial girl and the artist.

When really I have not done bad.

When folks feel drawn to the art - but steer clear of my wound....I felt that it was the bad part of me.

There is no bad part. 

those who can't stand with me in my truth and near my abuse are not repelled by my badness; but my innocence.

If I am innocent....that makes my parents bad.

My life, my past, my wounds and my survival self all did what they did to keep my parents good.

I loved them that much.

And it wasn't enough for them to love me.

To protect me and keep me safe.

I know what I have sacrificed in order to love them.

I gave up feeling my innocence my brightness; the art of me.

I believed I was a Malcontent and an Artist....part bad and part good.

 

 

 

 

Eager To Be Heard

While reading last night from Christiane Northrup's book, "Goddesses Never Age" she wrote about pain and the emotional connection.

"Goddesses Grieve, Rage, and Move On"

"Several years ago, I developed what we call "frozen shoulder."  It's very common in midlife women and, like just about everything else, it's believed to be related to hormone levels and menopause - but I knew that wasn't my problem.  The pain started one day, seemingly out of the blue, while I was picking up a piece of wood to place in the wood stove.  I developed immobilizing pain in my left shoulder, dropped the wood, and actually fell to my knees. The next day, I could not stretch my left arm behind my back very far without wincing in agony, and the pain continued day after day. Because I hadn't suffered an injury, I felt that the cause had to be emotional, and that he pain and immobility, real as they were, were ultimately rooted in unresolved emotions.  The brain doesn't recognize the difference between emotional pain and pain caused by a physical injury. In fact, brain studies have demonstrated that emotional pain registers in precisely the same areas of the brain as physical pain."

...."With the help of a holistic chiropractor and my Pilates teacher, I spent months trying to open my rib cage and move my shoulder, which helped ease the pain and expand my mobility slightly.  But I knew that the key to complete recovery lay in releasing the blocked emotions related to my heart."

"For several years, I had been romantically involved with a man I loved deeply but who was not emotionally available to me.  I desperately tried to fix the relationship, which in many ways mirrored my failed marriage.  Because I couldn't get this relationship to meet my needs, I was doubting my desirability as a woman- an old issue for me. Could it be that my shoulder pain (and the occasional chest pain I had had about once a year for a decade) had something to do with my relationships with the important men in my life?"

"Much as I idolized my father when I was growing up, he was busy taking care of my mother and her needs, as well as earning a living.  It was a time when I needed my desirability  validated by the number-one man in my life: him. I remember one day when I was around middle school age, I was waltzing in the kitchen with him, trying to learn this skill.  My father was a good dancer, and as we ended our dance together, I asked him what he thought, hoping he would approve of my moves. He replied, "You'd do okay if it was dark - and the man was drunk."  My Scorpio dad's barb hit me very deeply, right in the heart.  He made similar criticisms of my tennis playing even though I practiced for hours and tried so hard to please him by being a good player.  He didn't take the time to teach me or arrange for me to take lessons from someone else, but simply criticized me in his forthright way."

"I'm sure his comments were the result of being irritable from overwork, or simply thoughtless in the way all of us can be at times.  And I know many women who have suffered far worse things than I did.  But that doesn't mean I should have made excuses for him or downplayed the emotional impact on me - "Oh, for heaven's sake, that was decades ago! Are you still holding on to that?  Just get over it!"

"No matter what happened to you - or how long ago it happened - you must do the healing work that only you can do.  Failure to do so just perpetuates the pain and dis-ease. My father's insensitive jokes and comments had created a wound that became buried in my tissues.  Now that the old theme was playing out in my adult life, all these years later, the old emotions I had felt as a child were expressing themselves as pain and immobility in my shoulder.  My body was telling me to heal old hurts."

"I didn't realize this right away, however.  It began to dawn on me during a session with Doris E Cohen, Ph.D., author of Repetition: Past lives, Life and Rebirth. Dr. Cohen has been a clinical psychologist for 40 years and also works on the spiritual level and with dreams.  For a few years now, she had been suggesting that I look at my father issues, but until this point I hadn't been ready to face that possibility. It took the repetition of the original heartbreak with my father - in the form of an adult relationship - to bring the issue to the surface by bringing on physical pain.  The severity of my discomfort made me willing to look again at my emotional issues surrounding my father and begin a program of healing, as Dr. Cohen suggested to me."

"For three days in a row, I set a timer for 15 minutes to do an anger and grief release session. During the first five to ten minutes of each session, I imagined my father sitting in front of me and let my rage fly.  I just let him have it. I shouted at him for making those thoughtless, hurtful comments years ago.  I swore at him, crying, "How the f--- could you talk to your daughter like that?  What were you thinking, you bastard? In addition, I took a hand towel and snapped it agains some sturdy woodwork, all the while yelling expletives of rage until I was spent."

"After a few sessions - and sometimes, just a few minutes into them, I often found myself lying on the bed, curled up in a fetal position weeping and crying out, "I want my Daddy." It was a cry of a little girl whose heart had been running her relationship life on some level for decades.  My level of grief surprised me. But underneath anger there is nearly always hurt. My ever present "witness" self stood watching while I went through these steps of releasing pure, unfiltered anger, getting in touch with my grief and letting it out, and nurturing myself and my body afterwards. After this process each day, I took a bath with Epsom salts. As I sat in the warm water, I imagined all the toxins in my body and mind leaching out of me and down the drain."

"For three consecutive days, I used this anger and grief release process, and then spent five to ten minutes a day for the next two days doing "active imagination" work, imaging exactly how I wanted my father to respond to me during the times when he was so critical.  I imagined him dancing with me in the kitchen, praising me for my beauty and grace, and skill as a dancer. I imagined myself glowing with pride, awash in his praise for my desirability."

" Having cleared the toxins from my cells, I was now reprogramming those cells with a new story. It was like removing rocks from the soil and cultivating it before planting new seeds.  I also did some of that towel work and raging to express my frustration, anger, and give about the emotionally unavailable men in my life.  Within about two weeks, the shoulder pain and limitation were nearly gone. It took about another month for full range motion to return and all pain to completely resolve, but then I was pain free even during my Pilates sessions."

"One of the insights I had during my healing process, which I developed over the course of a few months, was that the imprint of lack of love toward myself was being mirrored in some of my closest relationships.  People were reflecting my own beliefs about myself back to me! My well-developed intellect wouldn't let me see that at first. But working with my dreams, with Dr. Cohen, with the exercises of releasing my feelings about my father, I came to appreciate my role in keeping myself stuck in old beliefs and behaviors that no longer served me. Notice, I didn't sayI had no right to my old feeling, or no right to see my father as cruel in some ways, or no right to my defensive behaviors and choices - such as getting and staying involved with an emotionally unavailable lover.  I said I rid myself of what was no longer serving me. I stood up for myself and my own worth.  I declared that I deserved better, and that had to start in the only place I have any control over: how I treat myself. The fact that you are entitled to your hurt, grief, and defensiveness doesn't mean it's working for you.  You get to decide whether the payoff of holding on to all that is worth jeopardizing your health, feeing, lousy, and pushing away new opportunities because of your distrust, or cynicism, or avoidance behaviors. It's up to you to make the choices. I just advising you to let all the crap go so you can flourish."  Christiane

 

So, while reading this, I thought of my aching hip and lower back and wondered what chakra it signified?

I googled it and found this by Christiane Northrup....

"Your first chakra health is related to your upbringing and early life. This includes your immediate and extended family, race, social status, education, family legacy, and family expectations. Organs: Physical body support, hip joints, spine, blood, immune system. - See more at: http://www.drnorthrup.com/your-chakras-a-roadmap-to-vibrant-health/#sthash.VYImc6FF.dpuf"

Also, I found this....

"A healthy root chakra connects you with vitality to your family of origin, your immediate society and to the global community. If your 0-7 years were challenging and without love, then this damaged root chakra will function much differently. Issues of survival such as emotional dysfunction, stress, anxiousness, and restlessness will plague you."

I wonder, if I were to give voice to my parents, just as Christiane, vented at her father, would my pain go away?  Would it be released?  I believe, that I have touched on the voice of the little girl, but only to scramble to safety, to put up boundaries, but I am not certain I have allowed her to vent and release.

My intention is to allow her to speak...for the pain of her early years may be in my hip....eager to be heard.

 

Love Life...

Another bike!

I wondered about the front facing biking Lady....and decided to give it a whirl.

And I had to do one going down a hill, or at least coasting along!  Pedals Free!  Down hill is harder to illustrate than you would think.

I had thought "No Hands" too....but, wondered if that was reasonable to depict....being that carefree!

I am going to do a series "Love Life....."  I love that phrase.

This is the first in the series.  I do love how she turned out. There is a lot going on, but it actually seems perfect to me.  I still have to put something in the lower corners, ether buttons or more quilting.  Not sure yet.

And, the two together.  It was drizzling, so a few quick shots of the fun I had with two days off, IN A Row!  

Love Life...

A Party on Wheels!

It's Sunday....time for me to immerse myself into Art.  Oh how the time flies!

I had been thinking about a bike riding Lady....and then someone else suggested it to me as well. The bike part wasn't too bad, but then how do you make figure upon it look like she is riding or set to push off?

And, laying the pieces down was easier than keeping all the small pieces together to be sewn down.  I will do another lady on a bike, now that I can see how this goes together.

I love how she turned out.  I love how she can ride a bike one handed...with Balloons!  I love her big flowers...and can't wait to see what the border fabric will be.

A creative day so far.  I am not certain if I will try and put in spokes, and If I do, it will be just quilting lines.  I love it when the finished product is better than the idea I had in my head.  A Party on Wheels!

Joy Connections....

More from "Goddesses Never Age" by Christiane Northrup

"Radiate Pleasure"

"Your nature is joyous radiance. You don't have to ask permission to seek or receive pleasure. Your happiness serves the world and yourself, keeping your vibrational energy high."

" Here's how it works: Your heart's electromagnetic field reaches out from your body and interacts with the field of energy we all share - you're actually wired to reach out and connect to pleasure.  This energy field radiates throughout the universe via the electromagnetic field. Scientists know about these fields, but don't necessarily think of them metaphysically.  They've discovered the Higgs boson particle, which is the evidence theoretical physicists have been searching for because it explains how energy coalesces into matter.  Unity Minister Catherine Ponder's term for the Higgs boson is "divine substance". Other's have called it "the God particle."  When you have fun, your energy changes and so does the field around you, and that shapes physical reality - creating nitric oxide and endorphins in your body. How that energy of pleasure manifests in the physical world outside of your body is a marvelous mystery."

"So adapt this motto: Fun is important.  Fun is what keeps you ageless. Dream up a pleasurable adventure, get out there and do it, and chances are someone else will do it with you...."  Christiane

What I love about this, is that we are actually wired to reach out for pleasure....and yet how often do we keep this desire under wraps?  How often do we just throw caution to the wind and connect the wires of our pleasure....even for the small things in life?

It isn't like we have to re-wire ourselves to find the things we enjoy, but instead unkink the wires and give ourselves permission to enjoy that which we feel drawn to...

And secondly, to stop connecting to the things that displease us.

We can't enjoy the more pleasurable things in life if we are connected to the things we don't like.

Even if we were to spend half the week or day doing what we love, our planet would feel and see such beautiful joy radiating from so many folks.

Last night as I had on a fun pair of leggings and a comfortable top, I felt like a kid again....added fuzzy slippers and a cup of tea and I was in joy!

Today the exercise is to feel the wires of joy...and make a connection!  Or at the very least don't connect to something that is joyless!

It is up to you what kind of energy flows through you.  I love the joy connections!

On the next page was this quote.....I totally agree...

"Women, delve deep into your primal power, beyond the appearances, customs, and religions of this day.  Delve into the knowing that you have always had and always will - a knowing that no religion can ever encompass and that no culture can ever define. Delve deep into your belly and brain that lies there: the primal brain, your original voice, the voice that will never betray you, and will always lead you to the truth of love in action, the being of joy and peace: The Voice of Life itself."  Padma and Anaiya Aon Prakasha, "Womb Wisdom: Awakening the Creative and Forgotten Powers of the Feminine

 

16.95 miles today.

My morning began in Eagle Harbor waiting for my walking partner....as you can see the clouds stayed over the lake and sunshine shone on our walk.

We signed up to walk from Copper Harbor to Eagle Harbor...which we thought (were told) was 12 miles.

12 miles had me pondering the possibility of me being able to complete this walk...whose benefits go to our local Women's Shelter Home...

And, so we began...a beautiful day for a walk and talk with a friend.

This was our one and only sit down break on the walk. About maybe 10 mins.

The rest was walking.  If you have ever driven the road between Eagle Harbor and Copper Harbor, you might remember the 'gentle hills' and curves.  Our little feet stepped the whole way.

When we passed the second road to Brockway Mountain, we were told, we were walking 14 miles, not 12. 

And, while this picture isn't good, you can read the sign....yes, we at least walked 14....but, we started at the end of town and ended at the end of town....  My step counter on my phone today read "35,544 Steps"  which is 16.95 miles!  That is the furthest, I recall ever walking!  

A first for Me!

Here are our smiling faces at mile marker 13 and a half or perhaps 14!

And here we are at the finish line!  Completed!!!  We were last and there were cheers....we Made IT!

Thanks Michele for inviting me to walk and for knowing I could do it!  I am sticking with I walked 16.95 miles today!  

Oh, and Michele has the fitbit and it recorded we walked equal to 100 flights of stairs with the hills along the way!  I am tougher than I gave myself credit for!

Happy Saturday!

As you go about your weekend, here are some words from Christiane Northrup....and "Goddesses Are Ageless".

"Over the years, we develop a finely calibrated BS detector. We recognize that some people are not being honest with themselves about what they are doing to create their own problems. If they pressure us to rescue them, or try to make us feel guilty for not changing our plans to accommodate their latest crisis, we find it's easier than ever before not to give into their emotional threats. Alpha Goddesses recognize that "No" is a complete sentence.  How liberating!"

"I see this a lot in women with aging mothers or fathers who have placed far too many unreasonable demands on them.  This is the time when you learn that being a good daughter doesn't mean letting yourself become depleted by your parents. They brought you into this world and took care of you, but making your life about their needs is not necessary or healthy for you or them. Very often, what older parents really want is to feel independent and useful.  When you say no and you ask them to help you out in some way, however small, you restore balance in the relationship.  It's a gift to realize you truly are on a journey separate from your parents.  Your paths intersect, but you can't be responsible for their lives.  The same is true for your adult children."

....and further into a chapter called "Goddesses know the Power of Pleasure."

"The biochemistry of pleasure can counteract the biochemistry of aging.  Nitric oxide is the uber-neurotransmitter that increases and balances levels of all the others: endorphins, dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin (a bonding neurotransmitter released while breast feeding, experiencing orgasm, or even enjoying the company of others0, and DMT, which is generated in the pineal gland in the brain and probably plays a role in dreaming.  Although we tend to think that neurotransmitters are generated and used only in the brain, we actually have cells throughout the body that can both produce and receive them. The gut produces more serotonin than the brain does - generated largely as a result of the huge number of healthy bacteria that live in what's known as your microbiome. When you have a visceral negative reaction to something - you can't "stomach" it - that's your neurotransmitters sending you the message "this doesn't feel right for me."  Conversely, you can get a warm, happy feeling in your belly when neurotransmitters that affect your mood are released as a result of a positive experience, thought or feeling.  The idea is to create that warm feeling through the emotional experience of genuine pleasure that supports your well-being, health and agelessness."

Here is an exercise for you:

"A Brag, a Grateful, A Desire."

First, identify something to brag about. What can you be proud of right now.?

Second, identify something that you appreciate or are grateful for. What blessings in your life would you like to acknowledge?

Third, identify something you desire.  If money, time and the laws of physics are no object, what you desire right now?

Try doing these exercises daily, answering the questions in your journal and reflecting on them.  And share this experience with others in conversation....  

Christiane 

 

Happy Saturday!

 

Goddesses Never Age

I am just beginning the book, "Goddesses Never Age" by Christiane Northrup, MD and so far I love where she is going with this book.

"Beliefs and Biology"

"The most important thing you need to know about your health is that the health of your body and its organs does not exist separate from your emotional well-being, your thoughts, your cultural programming, and your spiritual outlook.  Your thoughts and beliefs are the single most important indicator of your state of health. That is amazingly good news because your thoughts and beliefs can be brought under your conscious control and, when necessary, surrendered to the healing power of Spirit (much more on that later). This is the part of health that Western medicine always leaves out, but trust me, it's where your real power resides, with no exceptions.  Your beliefs and thoughts are wired into your biology.  They become your cells, tissues and organs.  There's no supplement, no diet, no medicine, and no exercise regimen that can compare with the power of your thoughts and beliefs. That's the very first place you need to look when anything goes wrong with your body."

"Let me be clear here.  If something has shown up in your body as a health concern, you most likely aren't consciously aware of why it is there.  If you had been conscious of the issue or emotion, it would not have had to show up physically because you would have already addressed it.  Please try your best not to resist this truth.  Have the courage to go deep within and ask yourself the following: "What is going on in my life, and my thoughts and beliefs, that I can learn from this situation? What is the soul lesson for me here? How can I grow from this?"

"Ayurvedic and Eastern medicine practitioners are well aware of the energetic connections between various systems in the body, but Western medicine practitioners tend to look at one system in isolation.  In fact, this mind/body split is built right into the fabric of our society.  No podiatrist is likely to look at how you bear weight on your feet and ask you about whether you have any unprocessed emotions or stressful situations causing you sadness, anger, or grief.  If he or she did, you'd probably recoil and feel defensive or blamed, thus blocking access to that line of inquiry.  Yet even if your having hand problems that are you can relate to not having an ergonomic workstation, or if you've injured your hand in an accident, getting in touch with the unprocessed emotions that you may be holding in the tissues in your arm and hand might alleviate the pain and allow this part of your body to repair itself. And remember that you probably don't know what the lesson really is until after it has be resolved."  Christian

What I love about this book she is looking at the thoughts and beliefs and the unprocessed or unexpressed emotions.  The body never lies.  If there are issues, don't look at the body, but check out your life and ask the pain what message it is here to bring.

I have been asking that of my sciatic nerve on my left side.  So far nothing.

However, when I walked over 4 miles, I began to feel emotion bubbling up.

My intention is to keep asking the pain what it is here to tell me.

I love that Goddesses never age....I can see this with My Lady and Art.