IMPERFECT Lady

Road Less Traveled.

Mother's Day appears to be a harmless holiday; but it can stir up conflicting emotions and pull you backwards when the relationship between mother and child is strained or broken.

How can there be a Mother's day without you reflecting upon your mother?

And seeing in the reflection, how unseen you are.

It brings up empty feelings.

An applicable card may read, "See your self and self-worth on this Mother's Day" or "You are strong to have broken your mother's pattern."

Instead on Mother's Day, there are loving tributes to Mothers. 

And, even worse, those that state, "There are no perfect mothers but, perfect moments."  Which I take to mean, we over look and look around the 'not so perfect moments'.  And, our ability to NOT do so, finds US lacking....not her.

Then, there is me being a mom.

And, my imprint I have had on my children's earlier years and how my choices and patterns affected my kids.  Am I worthy of being celebrated?  

I have to believe we celebrate the new mother I became...and not the one in denial.

Who would celebrate her...for in her denial she caused much harm.

Mother's Day is multifaceted when you have left your family of origin.

The victories of self, are tangled up with negative grief like emotions.

I experience more than just one emotion on family celebration days.

I am proud of the mother I am....and feel sorrow for who she once was.

I feel the affects of being estranged and feel my courage for being able to free myself.

I honor all the feelings that flow with Mother's Day; there isn't just one simple feeling.

I feel my legacy as a journey of being authentic and standing strong with my feelings and truth.

And, I feel the cost or toll it has taken.

It is like the whole spectrum of color and feelings collide on this day.

A day of Celebration and Grief.

I was on the lawn mower and a flower delivery guy came and brought me flowers from my daughter! I felt a choked up knowing the cost of being my child...and yet thrilled to feel her love!

On this Mother's Day...feel love, feel sorrow, feel the estrangement, feel the connection of new patterned love and freedom to be you.... awake outside of denial.

A thought occurred to me while mowing...that an awake mother feels so much.  I feel the darkest of emotions and yet feel the joys of love and connection.

Not certain if awake is the right term; but perhaps strong...or determined.

Somehow I became aware that my old pattern was leading my children into a pattern of dysfunction.  And, in order for them to see something different, I had to be different. 

Today, I celebrate the mothers who dared to be different!  Regardless of their personal cost they took the road less traveled...

 

 

Her name will come....

Completed this quilt last night, and this morning she is on her way to Duluth!

In naming the Art, I sometimes just use a woman's name or it is a feeling or idea of what is portrayed.

I am wondering what to call her.  I love the "Passing Time" or perhaps Using Time for things you love.

Loving Times?

Sometimes names seem to put boxes around the ideas and without a name, the viewer can be free to feel and express without being led.

I will sit with this and maybe her name will come.

 

 

Wholeheartedly Themselves

 

Here is me talking at my I M Perfect Workshop at Michigan Tech.  

It's hard to look at objectively.  Yet it is the imperfections that make it perfect.

After watching Janet Mock, speak on Soul Series, I came away with how we present ourselves to the world.

How do we clearly articulate the totality of our journey...or what parts do we omit due to their contents?

What I am trying to present is that the imperfections of my life are actually the truth of it and it is okay to present IT all.

Oddly, in society, we tend to only present the parts of ourselves that society accepts.

And, isn't it odd, that society, as a rule, only wants to celebrate the positives.  But, it is the negatives that shape who we are...or it is in HIDING, the negatives that has us limping along while trying to not show it.

Perhaps I get a pass, in not being too polished, for it is my scars and pain that I speak about.  I am not perfect when measured by society's ruler.

How many of us are?

And further, how many of us struggle to reach a state of perfection that is impossible to reach....and then feel ourselves lacking because of it.

Imagine a world where we all see our scars and beautiful truth markers...and feel our strength and courage from having lived such a colorful and rich life of diverse experiences?

Being proud of our battle scars and our ability to not let them define us.

I feel there is a movement, a stirring within so many...to embrace and expose their inner truths.  To even expect society to rebuff our truths and imperfections.  The movement of being authentic instead of perfect.

Or perfectly authentic.

I am proud to be marching ahead while many in society rebuff my presentation...for what they are truly rebuffing is the whole truth of who I am.  And, I believe, rebuffing due to their own lack of self acceptance.

In the past, it was me that was in denial, me who rebuffed my feelings, and the truth buried deep within.

Those who cheer me on are thee authentic, or those striving to be wholeheartedly themselves.

 

 

Janet Mock

I watched Janet Mock on Soul Series and understand that we all have a truth inside of us that we hide OR, that Society expects us to hide.  I love the words she uses to articulate her journey.

How society expected her to present one way and would rebuff her truth.

I understand this the most.  

How when I was unable to keep my truth hidden; others have rebuffed it once it has been what I present to the world.

Thanks Janet for teaching us about the journey of authenticity!

This is a great video that we can all learn from.