In the past few days, I have had conversations....well maybe the past few weeks, about friends with secrets. Or maybe just things we are silent about. Not silent with friends; but expecting friends then to be silent about it. To give information and for it to be held by that person.
Like we become a container for their truth.
Isn't it odd that we want to keep the truth hidden. What does that say then, about their lives? If the truth isn't shown, than what is? And, are we then keepers of the truth or actively hiding it and participating in the building of the fake life?
What are good friends for?
Are they to help you live out loud... your truth, or to decorate your fake life?
If it isn't our place to share your truth...than are you making us partners in keeping silent, your secret life?
I find as I am older or maybe more transparent, that I don't like playing dress up with lives.
It actually makes it seem like you have a fake friend and then a real one.
Which friend would be most upset by the truth being revealed?
I don't believe it would be the truthful one?
There has to be benefits or payoffs or something to the fake identity, the one who lives minus the truth.
What is it?
How would it be more beneficial to live a fake life...one where you know the truth; but you don't live it.
Or is to to have the best of two worlds?
Is it possible to live two different happy lives?
What happens to us friends who know there are two lives going on?
How can it be possible to be supportive of two very different lives? And why are we the bad guys for getting tired of the game of hide the life?
And, who is the real friend?
Who are we really friends with?
The mask or the person behind the mask?
Do we have to don a mask too in order to be your friend?
One that is compliant and an accomplice in creating a whole life for the mask?
While behind the mask sits the person who is unable to live mask-less.
Are we not agreeing, by our silence, that the truth is shameful and too ugly to see the light of day?
But isn't the truth who you are...no matter what mask you put on in your social world?
And, does the mask really hide anything for your actions speak louder than our silence?
I am confused when asked to participate in this. I lose energy or enthusiasm for wanting to spend time there. It seems pointless to help create a life that isn't based on the truth. I don't want to wear a mask myself and I am surely not interested in painting over the truth for someone else.
Even if the mask will make them happy and feel loved.
Read that again.
Wearing a mask will make them happy and feel loved.
Wow.
When who I want to be with is the one behind the mask.
It takes courage to be a life that wears no mask.
"Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage." Maya Angelou
I don't know what to do with people who are asking me to be friends with their mask...too.
It is like there is a third wheel in our friendship...one that is eroding the soul and distancing them from their truth.
The less interested I am in the mask....and the more they need the mask, the bigger the space between us grows. Until the gap is so big, our friendship will be a cordial way and hello.
And in the end, who will be at fault when the friendship fails?
Will it be the one wearing the mask or the one who despises the mask?
Is it the one with the secrets or the one who doesn't want to keep silent?
And, can you be authentic and non-transparent?
Like a closet transparent person?
My ability to make friends with masks and trust them and grow with them is an ability I lost.
When I was a mask....I was friends with masks.
When mine was ripped off....so went the power to believe in the mask.
I often feel like a failure when I can't just be okay with the mask. That why do I need to get beneath it? Why do I have to always seek the truth in others?
And, on the other hand, I feel used when others ask me to engage in their mask.
Like I am not worthy of a relationship with truth.
Secrets...to me is where the real person lives.
I lived for 46 years under a mask.
And, for 10 years, striving to remain mask free.
If you build a friendship/relationship that begins with a mask or needs one to continue...will it not be one where the truth isn't welcome? And, if the truth isn't welcome...is it a true friend?
This flower blooms from a sticker bush...amidst all the pokey prickly things...
I believe real love and friendships blossom where masks are not welcome or needed. Where we encourage and support a life that is mask free.
Regardless of the pains and things that hurt...beauty blooms from the truth.
It took great courage for me to expose and own all my secrets and my family secrets. But, I love who I am exposed...far more than I ever even liked the old me.
And, I have great admiration, love and interest, in what lies behind the mask.
Please don't ask me to be friends with your mask...or carry your secrets.
Instead ask me to be there as you walk mask less.
