In Chapter 9 - "The Rescued Soul" by Christina Enevoldsen
"Taking the First Step in Telling"
"What I didn't know when I disclosed my abuse is that it's very common for families to reject rather than support the survivor. That's especially true with incest survivors. In incest families, the family system is a culture that protects itself by keeping the secret. That system's survival depends on the secret, so they often sacrifice one member for the sake of the family."
"In most cases, the survivor who is willing to talk about the abuse is the healthiest person in the family. The survivor is the one who recognizes that truth and is most motivated to address dysfunctional patterns. That is a threat to the family unit. The person who wants change is often viewed and treated as the enemy."
"With incest, family members face divided loyalties. In dysfunctional families, it's more common to side with the perpetrator than with the victim. That may be due to their own victimization from the perpetrator or unmet needs from the perpetrator. Whatever the cause, survivors of incest are often rejected by their own family members, even if there is no doubt the abuse occurred."
"Sometimes parents reject the possibility that their child was abused because to accept the truth is too painful. Sometimes the disclosure brings up pain from their own abuse. They also may view it as an accusation that they aren't good parents for failing to protect the child."
"Whatever the personal defenses, your family isn't likely to be the best source of support and understanding. Telling a safe person who validates you makes it easier to go on to the next part of your healing. When you disclose your abuse to someone who is compassionate, understanding, and accepting, it's a relief to know you're no longer alone. However, sharing emotionally vulnerable moments with someone who is unsupportive may cause you to feel even more isolated." Christina
This is another affirmation of my journey. In my experience this is completely true.
Notice, most of the reasons they reject the one speaking out is for their own personal reasons. It isn't about what is being said, but how it makes them feel or perhaps not want to feel.
So, if you are one who is willing to speak of your abuse and the family is rejecting you, IT ISN'T YOU, they are rejecting; but parts of themselves. Or, they also have needs of this family and are not willing to let them go.
Family rejection isn't about the person they are rejecting...it is about keeping the family unit. I knew this. I have felt for years it wasn't about me.
Still, good to be affirmed on this.
When you reject someone, it is about what you want to keep. Who knew?
So, you may as well do what you love....rejection isn't about you!
