I am 57 years old today...closer to the end of my life, than the beginning. One of my greatest, or most significant achievements, has been to look unblinkingly at my life.
My past.
My present.
My relationships.
My wounds...and their origins.
To feel and acknowledge so many truths that were hidden to spare me pain as a child.
I am earnest in not blinking away from things that hurt me. For I now know it hurts more to deny that which IS.
And, denying it, or not seeing it, doesn't make it NOT so.
I think my mother believes that if I would only forgive (deny) the wounds of my past; I could then have a joyful life. When the opposite is true.
I didn't find joy until I found the source of my pain.
I wasn't free while I denied the truth.
I didn't know love; until I loved my broken self.
It is funny in a peculiar way, how those who believe joy is found NOT looking at things that hurt. That if you just 'forgive forget and move on' you will be much happier. They are usually the ones who have never tried doing anything but, 'moving on'....never once stopped and dipped into the truth of what is.
There is no comparison to the me prior to allowing the truth to be part of me....and the one in denial. The aliveness, and the magic of life, the freedom of choice, and my voice, and the fearless changes I have made are like a beautiful flowering tree...compared to the dark dead seeds of denial.
I am so grateful that I was given this journey to experience...the depths of the darkness and the highest levels of joy, love, peace, contentment and just being Me.
I am not sure wisdom comes with age.
I believe wisdom comes with seeking to live truthfully; always.
And, with the truth, comes courage to be fully yourself.
Unique
Powerful
Free
The most valuable part of me is the part that dares to always accept, honor and respect the reality of what is. I am in awe of its ability to look unblinking at the rawness of life's darkness and its brilliant Light.
I am not afraid of my darkness; nor am I shy with feeling my Light.
The capacity of the human spirit leaves me in awe.
Just when I thought I was broken beyond repair....I caught a glimpse of innocence.
It was my innocence that carried me forward.
"Forgive them, they know not what they do..." is correct.
When I knew me better...I did better.
I continue to learn and grow and expand and find new adventures. I don't know who I will be when I grow up; but I am thoroughly enjoying this ride.
The darkest roads led me to the most beautiful places....all the parts of me I had denied.
Happy Birthday to me....and I will celebrate each new day...and joyfully honor each new part of being Me!
