"Not the ones speaking the same language, but the ones sharing the same feeling understand each other." Rumi
This is a huge clue to the silences I have in my world - we don't share the same feelings.
I knew it was beyond saying the correct words.
Or, finding the perfect way to say it.
And, even the right words with a nice tone and at the right and perfect time.
It is all about how we feel.
Feelings are the connectors, not only to our Self; but with others.
Can you truly understand someone if you don't feel the same way about crucial things?
The breach grows from feeling differently.
I looked up Breach just to make sure I understand what it means.
"an act of breaking or failing to observe a law, agreement, or code of conduct."
It is the lack of feeling similar about an event or failing to observe it the same way, that puts us at odds with understanding.
I truly haven't felt violent about our silences; but rather misunderstood.
Or, the breach may be with my act of breaking the silence, the code or law of family. I broke with tradition and no longer treated the family as family. I saw my father as a criminal who perpetrated many acts of violence towards little girls. I saw my mother as an adult who knew and did nothing. This breach is not accepted by my family.
Our feelings towards our parents and abuse, is where we parted ways.
Silence grew from our differences.
We don't feel the same way, so we don't understand each other.
In the past there were many behaviors and character traits that I didn't see or feel or concern myself with. I was lost in denial and detached from my feelings. Anything and everything was okay. Or, could be justified and overlooked.
I also had very little self-esteem or self-worth, so my gauge was way off.
I literally believed to the depth of my being that my mother was a woman of high morals and values. That my old church carried the same. And, that even I too was one who walked the same path. Only to find out, that my denial had me unaware of many obscene behaviors that were buried under the cloak of 'family' and the blessing of sins.
The more we bless away, the further from the truth we land.
I think, "Estrangement" would be best defined is the breach of understanding.
And, when we make a "breach" in the wall of denial about abuse, we are exiting the family and its unwritten rule.
Perhaps silence is the kindest way to be.
Today my family of origin celebrate a wedding.
I will keep away.
I honor our misunderstandings.
My feelings, my inner world would not be at peace with them. My peace is found where I am understood.
I just love knowing that it is the lack of feeling the same about things, that has us at odds. I truly don't feel a personal violent punishing act of silence towards them. But that I am very much misunderstood.
And, that is out of my realm of control or influence.
I am a peace with myself and with my feelings. And each of them are doing what brings them peace.
And, I am sure they too feel misunderstood...by me.
But, as long as we understand ourselves and are at peace there, nothing else matters.
We can peacefully get on with our lives; doing what we love and what brings us joy.
Our silences just show us where we no longer feel the same.
