Social Media is a buzz about Brock Turner; the Stanford Rapist and his lenient sentence AND his father's response.
We all are responding.
Some are sharing.
Some are silent.
Outraged.
Sickened.
What is not so shocking to me IS the family response.
This IS very very typical.
Not unusual in the least.
It is also NOT surprising that the judge looked more closely at how the sentencing will affect the perpetrator compared to the victim.
In my father's case, he had many more victims and was still released with serving only a few short weeks. The family was part of the sentencing. The family was willing to house him. The family was more concerned about him than any of his victims. Their response mattered. It showed their values and morals.
What is unusual is another father's response to Brock's father.
Fathers should be outraged.
How we respond IS how our children understand where our morals and values lie.
It is their guideline for moral behavior.
What does this say about a father who shrugs rape down to 20 minutes of action?
The strong males in our society should be outraged at this example of fathering.
They should be speaking out!
How we teach our children IS our response to bad behavior.
In my experience, those who sided up to my father or made his crime less than what it was, lost huge moral ground in my eyes. I no longer could trust their moral compass.
It matters how we respond.
Know this and own it.
It doesn't matter who the victim and/or perpetrator is, HOW we respond shows the world who we are.
And, at the end of the day, our responses are who we are; always.
I have continued to stand by the side of victims.
My responses are clear; my actions readable.
There is no part of me trying to make what my father did okay. All my words, writings, speaking out, speaking up and sharing publicly my sexual abuse by my father IS my response to abuse.
If each of us were impeccable with our responses our world would change!
The rapist's father responded like typical family members. They want their old image of the person to remain. The future to be unchanged. They want nothing to come in the way of their family member. They do not want this one act (or a few) or many to stand in the way of their reputation. God, I wish this was unusual. Family denial IS the reason sexual abuse is a generational legacy.
What is unusual is to be willing to stand alone outside of your family.
It is unusual to not stand by them.
It is unusual to draw a line in cement and let the chips fall where they may.
To be willing to support the victim and let the family celebrations die.
Oh how I wish my response was the majority.
Victimizing women and children would start its decline IF we could all take a hard stand no matter who the perpetrator is.
Imagine the life of a victim then.
To be fully supported.
To have the family turn towards you and away from him!
Please, don't think that Brock's father is unusual.
He is only doing what the majority of families do.
What you do with abusers you know or those who are in your family matter.
Each time you decline to hold the perpetrator responsible; you turn away from the victims.
I know it is hard.
Believe me, I have lived it.
But harder still is to watch good people do nothing. Good people make poor choices in order to do the easy thing. To not take action is to actually take action for the abuser.
The man who I applaud is the father who wrote to Brock's father.
I would share his words; but I can't get to the website.
Hopefully its crashed due to high volume.
We need men to stand and say it is not okay to make light of abuse ever.
We need victims to stand in their innocence!
We need everyone to be outraged by slight sentences and belittle crimes of abuse.
Responses matters to all.
