Is there a nobel silent space to be; a place where our silence honors us both and it is not a punishing silence? Is the broken communication a peaceful spot? What causes the breaks in conversations? Is it the breach of truth or the fear of truth?
I am silent with many.
I have used my words trying to clear up muddy waters, until mud is flung my way.
If I feel I am being attacked, if our conversation is not gaining ground, if we both are holding rigid to our ends; I end it. For it is seems like it isn't fruitful or peaceful to engage in the heated exchange.
Two polar opposites refusing to slide toward the center.
In fear perhaps.
Of losing our grip on reality.
Or self.
In the past, I have used the punishing silence. It was my go to tool for anger.
I don't however feel that in my estrangement with my family it is punishing silence; but rather our mutual agreement that we don't agree.
That we view the world differently.
Abuse is handled in different ways.
We just don't agree.
The language and actions don't match.
Our common place is no more.
I wonder about the meaning of punishing.
"Physically and Mentally Demanding"
Wow.
"Arduous" was another word used.
It is the demanding part that I feel I am no longer doing.
Or trying to control anyone.
My silence, to me, doesn't feel like punishment. However, I can't know what it feels like to them.
I do however, know what it is like to be silenced.
To have someone ask for space from me.
It does feel like I am being punished.
So, perhaps my family feels the same from me.
In my case, I am fairly certain I know why.
It is my words.
My views.
And, my willingness to share how I feel.
Was I demanding in my conversation?
Did my truth feel demanding?
Is that what an argument is...two people demanding that their point be the one we agree upon?
And, if we can't agree - than silence.
Punishing Silence - an act of violence.
Within me, I don't feel violent with my silence.
I would feel violent IF I broke the space when silence was asked for.
For, oddly enough, I have asked for space too AND it wasn't honored.
My boundary of space was trampled on.
I felt violently attacked by it.
This is all very interesting for me to ponder.
Honorable space or violent silence.
