"Silent Witnesses". What a powerful statement. We are witnesses of many things and often don't see the correlation between the action and the witnessing of it.
I have been asked to have a conversation with a few people who are working with victims of abuse underneath the umbrella of a very strict religion.
What can we possibly say or advise to?
These victims are very complex and multi-layered in their thought patterns and level of self-awareness as well, as even being open to sounds outside of their said religion.
Can we really wiggle into their programmed minds in a way that can unhinge years of fear based teaching and give them hope to hang onto?
Over the past decade, I have seen the affects of not only religious abuse upon them; but the added slap of sexual and physical abuse on individuals and its horrific cost.
Adult children who are too afraid to live differently than they were raised. Who can't even imagine the freedom of a body let alone their minds.
Where do you begin to begin to unravel whole lives lived in such tiny quarters; where they have been unable to make even simple choices that are outside of their church's approval?
I try and think back to the old me...or even the newly awoken me and wonder what I would have needed.
What words of wisdom would have helped me back then?
What would their biggest pain be?
What is causing them the most suffering...and what was mine?
Mostly, I recall the fear of the unknown and letting go of all that I had ever known, even about me.
The fear of the devil and hell, for walking away.
And even, the fear of not liking or being okay with the new me and way of life.
More still, the knowing you can't go back and unknow what you now know.
Fear of retribution and hostile words for speaking out and standing up.
Fear of being alone.
Lots of fears.
Yet, I was greatly comforted by what I did know and the freedom I was giving myself and the empowering ways I was growing. For all that I lost, I was always gaining.
Most of my grief was of what I would no longer be part of with my family.
My life with them was over.
But, I was re-birthing Me.
Undoing and unwinding all the programs I had been taught and much that were woven with the affects of abuse. My binds were breaking.
I was different.
I would be different.
Or, I would be the silent witness so many were bound on being.
To be with family. To spare their "Faith".
The content of a silent witness when abuse is present is to be silent and knowing, to preserve the status quo.
Again, so what do victims of abuse need?
A silent witness or one who has stood up and broke the silence
one who has lost it all to gain herself back.
To me, life appears to have two paths.
One where you are supporting the 'peace' of society.... to go along to get along.
And the second path is one of self empowering.
If you look broadly at these two paths only one will be for the happiness and peace of the individual. The other will be for group mentality.
Each choice I made reflected what would be good for me OR what would look better for the group at large?
As I sat with the new found freedom to decide between what I wanted and say what the church wanted, I was amazed how much of myself I had given up to be its member.
Same goes for family.
When I was newly set free, it was extremely scary and wildly exhilarating.
Not knowing who you are or who you will become or even if you can literally survive the unprogramming of the mind and its costs to all your relationships. I lost more than I would ever imagine and gained equally.
All I can offer them is my experience of going from total programmed mind and obedient daughter to a free agent.
One is to be chained and the other unshackled.
Can you understand freedom IF you never had it?
Will it not be far more fearful than never knowing freedom?
You can't miss or pine for what you never tasted.
I am looking forward to the dialogue and hoping I can shed some light upon this brave adventure to literally talk about abuse within religion.
May our conversations be heard!
