"Revenge by Proxy" is a term that I first heard spoken by Rob Bell.
Do you know this term?
How often have you forgiven someone and yet when something bad happens, you feel like the scales are now back in balance?
Well, actually, your forgiveness wasn't complete.
A complete forgiveness is when you are not waiting for a proxy to dish out revenge to that person and perhaps call it Karma...and you feel relieved, joyful, happy, or any other positive terms when you learn of it.
The greater the hurt, the harder it is to forgive, and the most often it is revenge by proxy that we wait for.
And, I think, the most kind among us are waiting for their proxies to get the show on the road. They are too kind to do the deed themselves; but wait for something to happen that they can express their true emotions.
Anytime we are happy for someone's pain, we are in the act of revenge by proxy.
I have had a few experiences with this.
And, the act of complete peace didn't happen when the proxy revenge happened. It left me still agitated.
Wishing the best for your enemy isn't an easy road.
Staying in the pond of good energy is harder.
Our humanity is to even the score, to set things right, to give as good as we got.
But, if you are not the type of person to act out revengefully you then have to be patient for karma to deliver the punch.
All the time you are waiting, you are steeped in negative waves.
To literally wish them well, and that the stars align in their favor is very very hard and it will take time to reach this point of forgiveness.
I guess for me, one of the things that was helpful was to see how my own cycle worked.
How my anger brought back anger.
How my wrath served up to me relationships of negative energies swirling just beneath the 'kindness'. I had to mind my P's and Q's or I would feel the jolt of that energy.
I was a "representative of kindness" while volcano's of negative charges lay beneath. I lived this way for 46 years.
Glennon Doyle Melton speaks of her "representative", the her that wasn't her that went out in the world. How her true self was kept inside.
My representative was a 'kind' person; a people pleaser a do-gooder girl. While inside of me was a very angry hurt abused girl. My inner energy was very negative due to the untreated abuse.
While living as two, I would not be the one to seek revenge; but cheer when it happened.
My representative was a good FALC follower. A good forgiver. A kind daughter. But she wasn't me. She is the person that many still may seek to have back in the family. She is invited back, not the real Me.
The real me was wounded.
I had to let the representative go and become Me.
In the becoming of Me, I also learned that others lived like I used to live.
That their representative moved about the world. A pretending or acting-self learned what it needed to do in order to get along.
There is nothing for me to revenge.
Living as a representative is revenge enough.
I don't cheer this.
My wish is for everyone to get to be free to live without a representative in their lives.
To be the wounded.
To be you.
Living a life of truth.
I don't see that the scales have to be balanced. They already are.
I don't even see that the truth needs to be said, it already is being spoken, by the examples of their lives.
The actions always do speak louder than words.
Next time something bad happens, examine your own feelings. This is where you will find the content of your energy.
It is there that you work is waiting.
The revenge you seek will be towards yourself.
