Every now and again, there is a bubbling up of voices about abuse in the FALC. It rises with contentious overtones, heated words exchanged, deflected and tossed back...and then grows silent.
The two sides failing to find a foothold on the other side.
These mini debates are like voices escaping the silence.
Daringly brave to take up such a topic.
What is the purpose?
Why is its life so short?
Is this what happens when there is no common ground or a meeting place where both sides ARE interested in change?
Which sides really wants or needs the change to happen?
And, what is this change?
I believe, that the reason sexual abuse, physical and emotional abuse are so tough subjects to deal with IS because we are not talking about strangers and people we don't know.
We are zeroing in on family matters.
Personal and up close into the core of how the family loves or nurtures itself.
Add in religion and you are now on ground that people hold very close to themselves.
They are fighting for the main pillars of who they are.
Abuse doesn't happen without the consent of family members.
Either the silence OR the forgiveness of its sin.
We will do this IN order to save our family.
To gain love.
It isn't about whether there is, or is not abuse within the families of the church.
It is about whether each person wants to know IF abuse is in their family's legacy.
The heated words are protecting their family.
Their love.
Who truly wants to find out that within the family unit, there is abuse and people who wound children?
And, the second part of this equation is are you willing to stand up for abuse IF it means standing against family members? What are you willing to do in order to stop the rising numbers of abuse within the family trees?
We can talk about meeting up with authorities and about reporting and support groups; but the bottom line, or ground zero, is you and your family.
Each person in the discussion has to look at themselves, their feelings, their experiences, and how their own families deal with abusive behaviors. Be willing to have boundaries and enforce them.
Here is what I didn't know until I knew.
That I was unaware of the abuse in my family, until a child spoke up, about my father. Her words matched how my body felt. Its truth set me free.
Free to then really look at our family.
What behavior existed and how was it treated?
What did the church members who knew... do?
Who was I going to model my life after?
What was I going to do with this information?
It doesn't even feel like I had a choice.
Something within me moved away from those who had covered up this truth.
Something within me moved me to be with the victim(s) and myself.
Will those in the Facebook exchange have the same experience?
Someone said, that the change has to happen from the inside out.
I agree and disagree.
My awareness was broken into by a little voice that echoed the fear in my body.
It was an outside voice that moved me.
I am hopeful that the voices when they rise, will shake someone out of their denial.
The awareness I was given, allowed me to see how abuse is protected within families.
How the church 'forgives' it away.
In order for me to change, I had to be willing to lose all. My family, and my faith.
I couldn't hold either out of reach, as I sorted me out.
Who is willing to lose their families and faith in order to end abuse?
This IS why sexual abuse, physical abuse, incest all get handed down from generation to generation, no one wants to leave their families in order to stop it.
No one wants to look deeply at their parents and how this was created.
It isn't that we run out of words or ideas.
We bump up into where we need to look and decide, no not there.
Just as I said, I have talked to many mothers who want to keep their children safe; but they are unwilling to leave their families and church to do so.
I know, that I am seen as the person who wants to wreck families and trash religions.
I get that.
However, where is abuse?
Where does it live and how is it supported?
Do you not think, that if I could have saved the family, I would have?
These discussions will naturally die so the dysfunctional family can live.
What most want more than abuse ending, is a family.
And, even more than a family - a heaven when they die.
Change cannot happen until the real problem is acknowledge.
Who will dare look deep into their family and its legacy to see what is really there?
Easier to tell me to move along...
