"A mind convinced against its will, is of the same opinion still" Dale Carnegie.
What makes us change our minds?
Is it possible to enter into a dialogue and be persuaded to see life in a new light?
What stops us from having an open mind; to see the other side?
I am following a Facebook post where there are two distinct sides.
One side who is sharing their experiences of abuse and then those who have not experienced abuse.
A side shares how the church (FALC) or religion wasn't supportive.
Another side claims that of course they would be....or are.
The volley goes back and forth.
Will there be a meeting of the minds on this subject?
How can the dialogue grow into constructive helpful exchanges?
What happens, in my experience, is that there are two firm sides.
Are both right?
Perhaps.
One side hasn't experienced abuse so doesn't feel it is there.
The other side has, and it is clear to them.
However, what then would be the content of the church environment?
Would it not be those who have been abused and then, those who have not.
What I guess most are not agreeing with is the amount of abuse.
The people of the church are weird on this subject, the concept even of there being a huge quantity of abuse within the families who go to this church.
IF, this were a school, that their children attended, they would withdraw in a heartbeat.
But, this is different.
It isn't about the brick and mortar building.
It isn't about the families themselves.
IT IS about their faith and way to heaven one day.
They literally can't leave.
Nor can they be a believer in the 'badness' of the people of faith.
It literally would chip away at the wholeness of their belief.
I have spoke to mothers within the church and when abuse is mentioned within the families that they are part of. When they ask what they can do to keep their children safe, I say, the best you can do is exit the church. They bulk. They stop. They refuse to do "that" to keep their children safe.
I know leaving a church is actually harder for some than staying away from family members that are abusive.
Both are the only thing that will reduce the threat of abuse for your small child.
Each time I enter into a conversation like this on line, in a short time, I am told to 'get over it and move along'. Like, I am the one that is coloring the church with bold strokes of abuse.
It isn't me.
I can move along.
I can be silent.
I can stop responding to victims.
AND still abuse will rage on.
In fact, the best supporter of abusers are those strong unconvinced minds.
OH do they love you.
No matter what ill behavior they go to court for you will refuse to see them in a darker light.
It is you, "of the same opinion" that are the front lines for the abusers.
You are their protectors.
They need you to believe in their innocence.
To fight us victims.
To belittle and berate our allegations and experiences of abuse.
As you do battle with the victims, the abusers are set free.
I now know, there is nothing I can do with a mind convinced against its will.
I enter into the conversations for the victims that are brave enough to break their silence.
We have the conversations NOT for you who are so convinced that the FALC is mostly Lily White, brushed clean from the forgiveness of sins.
We have the conversations to empower the victims to use their voice.
To regain the power lost from abuse.
Speaking out is the answer to the silence of abuse.
We break the silence, share our stories to take back control of our worlds.
We don't need your agreement in order to do this.
Each time a new conversation is started another brave victim finds her/his voice.
