IMPERFECT Lady

Smiling at your anger

 

"Hurt people hurt people. That is how the pattern gets passed on, generation after generation. Break the chain today.  Meet anger with sympathy, contempt with compassion, cruelty with kindness. Greet grimaces with smiles, forgive and forget about finding fault. Love is the weapon of the future." Yehuda Berg

 

This kind of love, leaves the aggressor responsibility free. Will the world really change if the receivers receive negative treatment in a more kinder way???

Hurt people are allowed to be cruel, and we have to respond with kindness?

Will this really change the world to be more positive, IF we just respond as if nothing hurtful happened?

Forget about finding fault; which means letting the responsibility or assigning fault go, and carry on as if nothing happened.  To me, it means not to blame.

I looked up the definition of blame.

"Assign responsibility for a fault or wrong".

Why is it so bad to place the responsibility of hurtful behavior with the person who is doing the hurting. Regardless why?  If hurt people hurt people, the hurt people have to begin to look at why they hurt.

What is the core of their own pain?  

Most often, when someone is asking us to forgive, forget and not assign fault, it is the victims that are asked to respond differently. Never the perpetrator.

Why not address the person doing the hurting?

Will change truly happen when victims respond differently to hurt???

Is this not then victim blaming, when the hurting doesn't stop?

This appears backwards to me.

What I have noticed, is that many adult children of abuse, seldom want to blame their parents for their messed up lives. 

They do try and meet anger with sympathy, and yet the effects of abuse still live within them. 

It isn't helpful to either party as far as I can see.

What if instead, we express the anger? Not at another innocent being, but at those who hurt us?  Are we not allowed to express our emotions?

We no longer need to tolerate mistreatment; now that we are big ass adults and not helpless children?

What would happen if we did find fault with our parents in how they treated us?

The whole quote is literally how children respond to abuse.

And, it hasn't stopped the cycle from being passed on. It instead IS how it is passed on.

No one is addressing the person who is doing the hurting.

Ever.

That person is never responsible, or to blame, or at fault.

The victims are held responsible to create a kinder world.

It will not end the cycle.

It has not ever changed a hurting person who is hurting others.  Ever.

 

To me, doing the opposite will make a difference.

Meeting anger with a boundary.

Walking away from those who hurt you.

Ending relationships where contempt is coming at you.

Standing against cruelty, instead of being kind; leaving.

Hurt people will continue to hurt; until you stop allowing it.

Would my father have stopped hurting little girls IF we met his cruelty with kindness?

Really?  Or would my mother grimace less, IF we were more kind?

Would their contempt towards us, have vanished IF we had compassion?

Doesn't this seem upside down and backwards; a dysfunctional response to life?

That paragraph is not the weapon of the future; but the creed of dysfunction.

Love has boundaries.

Love assigns responsibility.

Love knows that hurt people need to find the source of their own pain.  

Love knows it is can't fix the inside of anyone; but themselves.

Love meets cruelty with understanding that the other hasn't healed their own pain.

Love knows contempt is a self reflection.

Love can only come from within.

The weapon of the future is self-exploration and falling in love with yourself.

The hurts inside of you, can only be healed by you.  Not by another smiling at your anger.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Another Horizon!

Life is about repeating what we love, daring new firsts and challenging each other to grow and stretch towards new spaces.  WIND Goes, is the perfect event to try new things.

Driving the jeep pulling a trailer was the first for me.  I was nervous.  WHAT IF, sounded all around this new experience.  I had to not only think of the jeep; but a trailer I couldn't see.  The tire kept the trailer hidden from my view.  AND, I knew I could drive a straight line; but I worried about backing up or unhitching and re-hitching, and the straps etc.

If you let it all be, it unfolds perfectly.  I had the space to turn around and I had help strapping down the kayaks, and in the morning, when I did need to unhitch, it was no problem hooking back up!  With a few more trips, I would feel comfortable!

 

And, I am so glad I dared trailer the kayaks, because on Saturday morning, we had the best paddle on the lake!

I forgot how much I LOVE to kayak.  I will have to try and get back on the water soon!

After a long kayak, we jumped on our bikes!

And, heading to White City about 11 miles away.  It was slightly overcast and cool for the ride to Lake Superior. 

A nice ride of gradual uphills and then gradual downhills.  A good workout!

And, the refreshing chill of Lake Superior awaited us!  It was amazing!!! Once your body regulated to the cold, it was nice to swim and enjoy the waves!

And, a picnic after the swim had us feeling pretty spoiled!  The Universe seemed to dance the perfect weather for each of our events that day!  Never too cold, too hot and just the right amount of wind to keep the bugs at bay!  Simply Perfect!

When a fog bank rolled in, we knew it was time to get back on the bikes and head back. 22 miles in total. 

After soaking up the sun (which of course was shining back at the cottage) we had dinner and a few ladies left our group. The three of us who remained, headed back to Lake Superior for a beach walk and to walk the Pier. It was again just amazing. Wind, Waves and art along the shore!

We found Art in the making and added our touch!  This is something we still need to do more of; using nature to create an art sculpture!

And, then back to watch the sunset.  We were that good kinda tired.

A weekend of memories made, Women In New Directions continues to help me grow in ways I would not have imagined!

We had so many belly laughs on the dock as we watched the sun slowly -every so slowly reach the horizon. We were beat!

Catching the last glimpse of wonderful day!  Big Agnes and I, on our second adventure!

What I love about WIND Goes, is that we have an extended time together and lots of activities which make each of us expand; mentally, physically and inwardly.  Each of us leave with more than what we came with.  

More peace, deeper friendship, stronger and empowered!

I love that we continue to reach further than each alone would go!

WIND Goes- Adventure #2, is in the books!  And, each of us are dreaming of another horizon.  

 

 

Opposite of Anxiety

I often hear others speak about anxiety.  

I am never sure how to respond back.

What is it, and how does it seems so powerful as a voice, when there are choices to be made?

I looked up the definition to see if I have this feeling/emotion and frontman correct in its meaning.

"A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome"

Is it the unknowing that is the culprit OR the fact that we believe we should know, when it is impossible to know?

Or, are we uncomfortable with the uncertainty and its unpredictability and unreliable nature?

What is it that we fear?  

Where does our anxiety truly lie?

Is it the mystery of what is yet to come, or our ability to respond and dance with the unknown?

What I do know, is that this dance with the unknown is often what has folks sitting out the dance.

Do we really really really want to know how things will go before they go?

Would life be very bland, if it was all laid out before us?

And, how can we know, that which we don't know?

How much control do we really have in life.

Getting comfortable with our lack of control IS the key to living a more adventurous life.

The reason I gave up anxiety, is that I thought I was in control and lived a very cautious life and then the worst happened anyway.  So, there is no point in trying to ward off the things that will hurt you.  

What I have learned in life, is while living we will all get hurt.

Disappointed.

Devastated.

Relationships will break and our hearts with them.

But, we will go on.

We can chose to let anxiety be the gate that blocks us from engaging with so many different aspects of life that will bring us new experiences, friends and adventures.  Or, we can stop with the lies anxiety speaks.

It can't know.

And, it isn't in control.

It certainly isn't certain about anything.

Anxiety is the friend who doesn't want to do anything. It for sure doesn't want you to turn away from its lists of all the bad that 'could' happen.  It is at best a bad predictor of what is uncertain.

I still don't know what is the best answer when anxiety speaks as the frontman?

What would be the antidote to anxiety or what can we say to quiet its fake reporting of the future?

Is curiosity be the opposite of anxiety?