IMPERFECT Lady

Rising within you.

 

How do we listen? 

And, what changes within us as we hear words?

Is there a change?

Does it depend upon the subject OR how open we are to hear?

Can you change someone's opinion or beliefs by what you say?

In my experience of exchanging words with folks from my old church, is not so much what they can hear; but what I say and then my expectations.

I think, I thought, that depending upon what I said, it would sway them.

I am wrong.

Completely.

I have changed; but not by the outside, but rather my inside. "Something" within me is different. 

It allows me to hear differently and see things I was unable to see before.

That "Something" can be called soul, truth, awareness, consciousness or Me.

Prior to the "Something" - I wasn't aware that I had a choice, or a voice.

I was part of something; but not separate.

I thought as part of a group.

Moved as part of a group.

Spoke from their position on things.

I wasn't free to step outside and be different.

Afraid to, even.

But unaware that I was unaware.

I didn't know I wasn't free.

I thought I had freely chosen to be part of the group.

Yet, I was born into captivity.

Back to listening. I listened, then to what matched my thoughts and beliefs and disregarded the rest as mumbo jumbo.

Not interested.

At all.

I recall, reading authors and having doubts about the group I was in, and feeling anxious that someone would find out.  Know that I was 'cheating' on my religion.  

When I did something different than my mother, she would belittle my choice, chiding "You think you are better than Me." Mostly in child rearing decisions.

She didn't know I was moving away from the church and family legacies.

"Something" within me was no longer a solid member.

I was beginning to get restless.

When the truth fell, that my father was a pedophile, the separation happened quickly, where I was now outside of what I had previously stood for.

The drastic change in direction from being outside of the circle - was completely mind blowing.

I changed sides.

It wasn't listening to the outside words, so much as listening to my restless self. Giving credence to my doubts and fears, that had softened me up to be able to easily transition to outside the circle.

It wasn't easy to be this new me, but the transition was fast and complete for me.

Being this new me, had me now listening differently. I listened from inside of me and honored and respected Me, where before it was all about the support of the group/family.

What I am now noting, is that we change from the inside out.

No matter how many words I can creatively articulate, I will not change someone's life into a new direction. Gratefully so, they will move from within.

It isn't up to me to change anyone.

Change occurs when the people are ready and not a moment before.

I used to think, that what I wrote, would/could/should change how someone thought of things. Again, thankfully that isn't my job.  For so far, I am a complete failure on this.

IF, I could have changed folks, my family of origin, would have been my first changes.

Just as I don't want others to have the power to change me, I don't want to change them.

Back to why we listen.

I am not certain anymore.

It won't change folks.

And, more often than not, it wastes our time.

I do think, there are folks who can get others under their mind control. Just as I was once under the control of a religion.  It was fear based and I was born into this belief system and taught the ropes of what it believed.  

To me now, I see my early years of being schooled by religion as a journey away from me.

I have seen others become aware and then go back to their old comfortable unconsciousness.

I can't know their journey and/or lessons.

I can write to explain me to me and perhaps for others to see themselves in me. But, I am so grateful my journey isn't one where I change direction for others.

It would be for me to get in front of their souls.

I have too much respect for the spiritual journey to get involved in what is good for their soul.

So, I am not sure what now to write or say to the old members of the church who want to be 'kind' and listen to me. 

To what end?

It will not change me; or them.

Which is equally true for what is going on in the world.

Mostly, what we can do is be ourselves and the best version of that.

Grow and widen our own beliefs and challenge what we have been taught to believe.

The more free we are to make choices, the more we allow others to make theirs.

The more we love ourselves, the more we can accept others.

Listen to your own actions and feelings.

Follow what you yearn for.

Accept our difference as being unique and individual expressions of you.

Listen to what is rising within you.

 

Only fear marches a protest to change someone else.

 

 

 

 

 

Match Reality

When a breech in a relationship happens, we are often left with wondering what happened. 

In one long time relationship I had, we lost the same perception.

In thinking about this, I had to look up the definition of perception.

"the ability to see, hear, or become aware of something through the senses."

and, "the state of being or process of becoming aware of something through the senses."

What I didn't know about perception that it used our bodies/senses.

There is also this "a way of regarding, understanding, or interpreting something; a mental impression."

Perception is a very personal thing, that may or may not have anything to do with reality.

In the last conversation I had with my mother, she proclaimed that we each had a different perception of my father.

She was correct.

But, were there 2 different men?

How her body sensed him and how mine did, was totally different.

 

Most of our disagreements come from mismatched perceptions.

How then, can we work to make them match?

What is the practice, or art of relating, that can edge each of us closer to having a perception that meets reality?

What I didn't know, was that the body is as much involved with perception as the mental awareness.

Perception is a body and mind understanding of reality.

And, when you have been abused, and your signals are all messed up, it changes the way each of us perceive our worlds.

This is why it is so hard, at times, to understand, how someone can't see the evil right in front of them.  It isn't that there is no evil; but rather their perception is off.

I had to work really hard to see things.

It wasn't a natural act for me.  

My unnatural abused mind and body read signals incorrectly.  

I had to find reality by almost disregarding my body and mind.  Yet also listening to my body's feelings deep within.

I had to explore deeply into my mind, body and soul to find the perception that matched reality.

Going against my self to find my real sense of reality.

One of the greatest survival tools we use when abused as children is to leave our realities and create a place that is kinder. We literally change the perception of what is.

It doesn't change reality.  

It fakes us out, until we feel safe enough to see the truth of who abused us.

This ability to 'fake us out' is to believe in a perception that isn't true.

And, in doing so, places us in a state of denial.

I know, that it has to be harder to change your perception of someone when that person didn't harm you; but harmed someone you love/know etc. 

It is to be one stepped removed and our senses are not involved.

I guess, you have to be able to sense your child's senses.

As a mother, whose child was abused, she would have to have enough empathy to be able to feel the child's pain, in order to change her perception of her abusive husband.

If not, like my mother, she will hold on to her original perception of her husband; and not see the pain of her child.

Perceptions can change and in doing so, change relationships; when our perceptions don't match.

Seeing eye to eye, is more about sensing life in the same way.  When our senses don't match, we don't relate to reality the same way.

It isn't that there are multiple realities; or I guess there are.  Each of us sees the world with our own senses, and responds in kind.

This so explains the unexplainable behaviors.  

We focus on what we sense; and not so much on what there is to see.

Which is why, your perception of me, has nothing to do with me.  You are in charge of your perception and how it matches up with the reality of what is.

I love this.  

For it explains the many different responses to one reality.

Perception is fickle and unreliable; for it truly lives in the eye of the beholder or in your ability to be aware, through your senses.

What you see or sense about me, has nothing to do with me.  

There are as many different versions of me as their are peoples perceptions.

And, none of them matter, as much as how I perceive myself.

Am I honest with me, and what I feel, and authentic with my actions?

All that truly matters at the end of the day, is am I true to me?

The greatest strength to have is to be able to stand by your perceptions, especially when they don't match others; BUT match reality.

 

 

 

 

 

 

WIND - 5 year anniversary!

The 5 year anniversary of WIND is quite remarkable to me.

It has been moving along like the wind; its directions keep changing, and it is unharnessed.

Each time we try something new another new idea sprouts. Typically, we don't know what is up ahead. We allow the ideas to come to us as they will.

What began as a joint effort with Dial Help, is now its own separate flowing piece.

I love that it has no anchor or tether.

It is free to move in any direction the ladies of WIND need it to go.

Our interest and curiosity and challenge guides it along.

We began in a room of the City Hall building in Houghton. Where we had to bring in supplies etc.  We pushed tables together and created a space to create.  

Then a new store opened in Houghton and its owner allowed us to use her classroom space. We were now in a public space and our classes drew in new members that were shopping in her store  They were curious about WIND and what we were all about.  And, we had access to new teachers and techniques.

Little by little we grew in size and what we did.

And, we explored so many of the Art techniques and played with many different materials. We used nature, paints, fabric, paper, markers, glass, canvas, to name a few.  Most, we are not too modest to say, we rocked!  

Oh what joy to take nothing and come home with something we LoVe!

 

WIND became Active in May of 2015.

We started out walking and hiking.  We planned a hiking trip, that we trained for, but were not able to accomplish.  Pregnancy and bad hips, knees etc sidelined us.

We may not have been able to hike a through hike, but we were able to snowshoe, ski, bike, hike, and even try paddle boarding. We have kayaked and camped. We have grown so much in so many different areas, that many of us are unrecognizable to our old selves.

 

 

Oh, the adventures, laughs, joys, challenges we have experienced. Even the pains of growing muscles and pushing us to new heights, all have been shared with women who are encouraging and our best cheerleaders.

I love the ladies of WIND, for they dare to say Yes, when often anxious.

Who try new things, even when in fear. Fearless are the ladies of WIND.

We spent a few years at Copper Country Mental Health Institute in their classroom.  We were very lucky to have this space.  However, we did not get the 'drop in' ladies we did in the storefront or even access to new artists.

So, this summer we approached Copper Country Arts Center in Hancock. We used their classroom a few times, but the summer art camp schedule conflicted with our days. We have plans to return there this fall.

The connection with the Arts community will allow us access to new folks as well as I said, new artists.

How exciting to watch WIND grow and expand and continually move in the direction of our needs.

With our new home, will come new expenses. We will have to pay for our classroom time; twice a month.

For those who would love be part of WIND, you can be a sponsor for a class, be a teacher, or come and play with us.  

Women In New Directions is a place to explore and grow inwardly and outwardly.

WIND truly has changed my life.

I have stretched the fabric of who I am in so many directions. 

I love the new me.

I love how I say yes more often and am willing to tackle new things.

All these traits will allow me to ride the changes in my life with creative solutions.

My right brain is now easily accessed as well as my adventurous spirit.

And the latest growth of WIND, is WIND Goes. This is a weekend getaway.  We typically are gone two nights. During this time, we do activities and an art project if we are able.

These events have allowed us to experience camping and being on new trails.

WIND is like a wild adventurous daring woman, who encourages us to be the same.

There are so many things, I would not have tried on my own, but will with other women.

Here is to many more years!!

Where will WIND take those of us who are daring to say yes, next???

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, to all the women who have experienced an evening with WIND. And, for those who have come repeatedly throughout the 5 years, it has been five years because of you!  

Thank you for being you!

And to be willing to go in new directions!!!

I love the spirit of WIND

WIND plays

WIND uniqueness

WIND strengthens

WIND expresses

 

 

To see all the fun we have had, go to our Facebook page - https://www.facebook.com/WomenInNewDirections/ 

It is free to join and all women are welcome!

 

 

WIND time!

WIND Goes on a camping trip!  

I loaded the jeep in a fine drizzle, and was prepared to have a wet evening.

However, by the time we arrived in Ontonagon, we had sunny skies, and a the best camping site. Thanks Kirsten, for getting there early to reserve our tent site!!!

How excited we were to know, we would be in the front row for sunsets!!! 

We decorated the tents with Art!  It was so fun to have a pop up Art show at the tent site!

We then were spoiled by Kirsten, with Buddha Bowls, that were delicious!!! It was so nice not to have to leave the camp site for dinner; but instead enjoy it with the sun and waves! 

A great way to start our camping trip- the bar was already set pretty high!

Friends, Art and Nature, the perfect recipe for a great time!!

The beach is out of this world!  Simply the best backdrop for our conversation, laughs and joy!

As the last of the clouds slipped away, the sun began to set!  It was warm and BUG FREE!  Incredible!!

WIND wouldn't exist without the core group of women who faithfully come and experience new adventures.  I thought we all should have these wonderful bracelets, made by an artist I met in Boyne City.  I LOVE how they turned out.

How lucky am I???  Each perfect moment followed by another amazing sight!  

Oh, and when the sun set, and we were around the fire, the Northern Lights began to dance.  Not full throttle, but enough to send us back to the beach with our chairs to watch the night skies.  We even saw a falling star.  This camping stuff is way cool - I am getting hooked on being a camping girl!

In the morning, we took to the trails in the Porcupine Mountains - we chose a 6 mile hike.

And, once again, Nature did not disappoint!  It was simply amazing.  The sun shone, the temps were perfect for hiking and just a couple of bugs to remind us how lucky we were to not have too many.

A fun silhouette on the bridge!

Nature's resilience reminds us what each of us have within us.  If there is a will, you will find the way!

And we came upon a deer eating away.

The trail was amazing, and it the woods kept changing how it looked.  It is a very interesting trail because of this.

The end of the trail is on the rocky shores of Lake Superior, pure joy!

 

Someone left us rock art!

And, some of us, created their own!

On the cliff - looking down on the Little Carp River!  I loved this part of the trail, where you can hear the roar of the water falls!  

We then returned to our camp site and went for a 12 mile bike ride.  One, where I forgot to take any pictures!  It was a beautiful ride along the shore of Lake Superior and into the farmlands nearby.  We had uphills, and then downhills and some headwinds!

To top off our WINDatholon, we swam in the very refreshing lake.  And, once more, my camera was nowhere to be found.  I was just with the moment!

Feeling very tired, in a good way, we sat along the shoreline.

Knowing, we couldn't go slip into the tents this early, we decided to paint some rocks.

Once we got into it, our tired bodies found new energy.

With the sunsetting, we painted and found inspiration to create art to be left behind for the next camper to appreciate; and maybe take with them when they leave or, perhaps this will be part of this special campsite!  

Oh how excited I would be, IF I was the one who found this fun welcome to a campsite or along a hiking trail!

I love the messages, the colors and the idea - Artful stone notes!

WE rocked this!!

After the art, we went back to watching the sunset!  I loved this one, with the clouds added for contrast!

Our prefect path to the water.  A picture perfect day!!

With our nightlight on, we slipped into a deep sleep. I slept so good the second night.  It was warmer and the day of activity and fresh air was the combination for a restful sleep!

Two of us spent the second night at the campground, and woke up to another 12 mile ride!

It was so nice to be on the quiet roads.

I didn't realize how wild my hair was.  I guess it matched my outfit.  

A woman in the restrooms, seen me and said, "Now that is an outfit.  You have flowers, polkadots, and swirls and so many colors!"  And, then she looked at her pale yellow sweatshirt with a small flower, and said, "I am going to go home and cry."  And, I said, "No, you won't.  You will go home and find some bright clothes!"  I then told her I dress colorful, to be seen on the roads.  She said, "Oh you will be seen, and I bet you will get a few whistles!"  

I love that I am the colorful daring woman, that delights others; and I hope inspires them to stand out!

Liv and Sparky had a good time riding together!  We stopped to take pictures of this old bridge.

I like "Lady Joy" rides.  Racing isn't for me.  I like to stop and take pictures, to go at a slower pace, yet one that gets my heart beating and my muscles moving.  I think I am okay with distances, as long as I can take my time and set the pace. 

 

Once again, after the bike ride, we had a refreshing dip in the Lake!  Nothing like an ice bath after a workout!!  

Soaking up the last few minutes of the beach, we had to break camp.  

Checkout time was 12 noon, and we arrived in the office to pay at 11:52.

We didn't waste a moment of our camping site!!

On our way home, we stopped for lunch in Twin Lakes and then on to Agate Beach for more swimming and soaking up the sun.

What a fabulous WIND Goes weekend camp trip.

Thanks ladies for saying yes, for the added touches, the smiles, the laughter, and the energy to play for 2 whole days!!  

WIND Goes is my new favorite WIND time!

Pretend Not To See

In all the years of writing on this blog, I haven't been able to clearly see the chasm of misunderstanding. What was its contents and how can we seemingly see the same thing and not at all see it the same?,

In my latest dialogue with a member of the First Apostolic Lutheran Church, in the comment section of my blog post "Exposed" - posted on May 23, 2017 - I may have stumbled upon where the discrepancy lies.

When members of the church hear me speak about the church and my abuse, we dance around the issue and rarely make any headway towards agreement.

Here is what I believe I learned.

The main mission of the church IS the forgiveness of sin.  

I know, I have said this a million times.

When this is the first choice of action - It is about wiping away a sin; not about the sin itself.

It is as a brief glance at what they need to forgive; but the main focus is on forgiveness not on the sin.

And, my viewpoint is to SEE the sin.

My focus is on the action and what its consequences are.

When both sides enter into the action, we are dealing with two different places of concentration.

I have been dealing with the Sin.

What it means, how it changes relationships, and the character of the sinner, and the victims. What will be a new response based upon this new information?

While they are dealing with the forgiveness of the sin.

The sinner.

Which really means my father.

 

This is the dividing line I have felt; but I wasn't able to see why they would choose to focus on the forgiveness and not the act itself.

But, as far as I can recall about the church and its teachings, the forgiveness of sin is the key to heaven. Without forgiveness, you don't enter.

The sins are stated; but there never was a choice of what options you had IF you were a victim of the sin.

Mostly, if a sin happens, our duty was to forgive it; or the sin would then be ours.

This act of forgiveness is not to be taken lightly or figuratively. If you were truly faithful, you would be a forgiving person.

Sins, well, they were never rightly dealt with, at least in my experience.

Meaning there was no focus on the sin and the sinner.

 

You simply can't focus on the sin, if you are a good church person who forgives. The forgiveness is the proper response; not holding the sinner responsible for their sin

I am once again, not sure I can articulate this in a way that folks can clearly see that there are two distinct paths.  One is to sit down with the sin and get comfortable; the other is to forgive and forget and more or less, actively deny it through forgiveness.

I have had a visceral reaction to forgiveness in the way the church has used it.

My whole body has railed against it. 

And, I have been made to feel 'judgmental' for sitting with the sin - unblinking.

There have been feeble responses about how the church doesn't condone abuse and that they want the victims to report and speak to the law; while the church itself is built upon the act of looking away from sin - with forgiveness.

To me, that has become the new F word.

For it truly messes with the psyche of victims, when they are unable to walk hand and hand with the sin that has caused so much damage in their lives.

What appears to be a kind and natural response, is literally joining the team of the abusers.

There is no way you can be standing with the victims, while reshaping the character of the sinner by forgiving the sin he committed.

This is why the members of the church are so incensed with me.

I am looking at the sins; while they have been taught to look away.

Their words are reflective of this.

As are mine.

We are both seeing a sin; but our responses are completely different.

I want them to see.

They want me not to see it - it has been forgiven.

If you truly can bend your mind to erase an action, you are now actively in the act of denial.

This is the same type of dual path I have with my family. Most of whom are no longer members of the church, yet its teachings still initiate their responses.

I am seen as one who is stuck in the past, holding on to 'justified resentments' due to my lack of blinking.

How dare I see abuse and set up boundaries in relationships etc.

The act of forgiveness need not have words, for all it truly means is to accept the sins as if they never happened. Keeping the relationship as it always was.  

No sin appeared here.

No one missed the mark.

All is well.

We didn't see your miss step, IN hopes you never see mine.

I will pretend to pretend to pretend, you are not your sins - IF you do the same for me.

It is a game of pretending.

I used to do this. But, it never led to the place I thought it would.

It didn't change my father.

My pretending truly never worked.

Truth and realty wins, only 100% of the time.

There are two paths.

Standing with the sins and pretending it didn't happen.

To whose benefit do you think the later is for?

It matters not to me what you focus on, all that matters is what I see.

My dysfunction was denial. 

My wellness is to no longer pretend to not see.

 

 

So Can I

What I believe we learn about ourselves, when we put ourselves in a new situation, is how flexible we are. It tweaks our image and keeps it fluid.

I am a mystery to myself.  I can't know what new challenge is up ahead OR how I will respond, and in what ways it will change me.

I have gone through quite a transformation over the past many years and I believe, have become more of myself and in some ways no one I can recognize as me.

Daring to be the last in the Triathlon takes courage; to be surrounded by very fit well trained athletes and join them - partially.

They were quite remarkable in how they easily achieved these tasks, and yet their focus was on speed.  How fast can I do these miles???

I wondered about their mindset before the race, what was their goal?

Where mine was to finish, they were striving to better their times.

Stronger and faster.

Perhaps so was I.

Maybe the more that you do, the more new avenues open up. 

It starts with just a bike ride and before you know, you are lined up with some badass biker folk!

As I pedaled along in my "going for a bike ride" speed, I wondered about what drives them to push their bodies so well trained and in awesome physical shape?

I thought, we were all battling something as we moved through our stages of the triathlon.

I felt a bit teary as I thought of me and how I stood out - differently.  

And, how used to it, I have gotten.

Comfortable and okay not being like the others, yet fully being my own self.

This is what grows my confidence.

Entering into places that I have not gone before and doing something I could not have imagined.

I mean, really, a Copperman Triathlon Team???

To bike 23.5 miles without stopping - once. Staying on the bike on all hills, and "racing" in the fastest speed you have available to You.  

Doing you own best - with others whose best way way out distance you.

I believe the top female did the whole Triathlon alone, in just over an hour and a half! Isn't that amazing.

We all arrived and did the best we could.  And, we all left looking differently at ourselves.

It gave me more confidence to enter into the arena and Be Me.

I stuck out, my bike stood out, and yet together we are a perfect fit.

We grew in the confidence of what we can do and how much more is left untapped.

Oh, the places Liv and I will go!

The only barrier is your belief; you can't.

I dared to challenge the mind.

What it believes of me, is most often a lie.

It worried and wanted us to stay home.

Safe.

Unchanged.

Doing nothing.

Oh, what I would have missed.

I like to believe, that we added something.  A hope, and inspiration and a smile...someone may now take a chance next year. They will think, "If she can do it, so can I".

They hand out these medals "Finisher".  I love that.

It is one thing, to say your are going to, it is quite another to do it.

I did it.

I finished, what I said I would do.

 

 

 

 

Copperman Triathlon 2017

So, I DID IT!!! OH MY Gosh, it was a bit nerve wracking until I was on the bike - pretty much biking alone, like I usually do.

There were a few bikes behind me, so the sweeper wasn't on my tail, and I pedaled and pedaled, in hopes that the last few bikers I saw after me would not pass. 

The bulk of the pack was ahead, I met some of them as we go to the end of the Harbor from Fort Wilkins and head back towards Eagle Harbor.  And, I met the guy in first place about 6 miles into my bike ride.

You could say I passed all the bike riders - Just going in the opposite direction!

I wish I could remember the comments from all the cheerleaders along the roadway. Most liked my outfit and they all called out words of encouragement for the one biker lady in the upright bike, fancy outfit a ways behind the pack!

Here is Liv, with all the fancy sleek fast road bikes.  I love how she was one of kind among many!  Pretty much like me - we are a good pair!  

Here is some of the scenery ( I drove back that way and snapped a few shots.)  The weather was sunny, but with a fog roll on the lake and temps near 65 degrees on the shoreline.

These arrows signaled the turnaround; back to the finish line - I think at this point we had 10 miles to go! AND, it really made a difference to have the winds at my back, knowing I was in the home stretch.  

The last biker lady gets my biggest respect.  She did the swim, and was the last biker girl and, when she crossed the finish line about 20 minutes after me, she began the 5 mile run/walk!  AMAZING!! She is the hero of the Copperman Triathlon!

The lake had whitecaps, which had us in headwinds for most of the way. Just breathtaking beauty!  And, I saw two eagles on these rocks!!

Here I am shortly after crossing the finish line!! Two of my daughters were there to cheer me in!!  We forgot to get a selfie; imagine that???

I had wanted to do this in 2 hours. I crossed the finish line in 2 hours and 2 minutes!! I will take it.

We all completed our segments!!!  We are an older team - the Runner is 61 and I am the 58 year old biker and our swimmer is 57!  

Way to go - US!

Kicking the legs up enjoying a fish taco!  I did it!!! Yay for me!

Bike back at the jeep, waiting to get loaded back!  OH MY, it still hasn't sunk in that I was part of a triathlon team!!  

Thanks to Pam and Kenny for being my teammates and for my cheering section -my daughters!  

I hope this inspires others to take a leap out of their comfort zone.  I was way out of my league; but holding my own.

As the athletes were leaving a woman stopped by me and said, "I love your outfit, it had me smiling the whole way!"  

It was good to hear the cheers from other participants, "You go girl" "You got this" "I love your jacket" and "Oh my look at her"  Just a few that I can remember!

We had a plan to soak up the sun along the shores - but the temps were near 60, with strong winds and the fog roll.

All in all, a day to be remembered!! 

Thanks to all my cheerleaders online - I am Happy to have your voices with me!

Liv and I

Team "Zip 49916" is all signed up for the 2017 Copperman Triathlon. My boss will be swimming, I will be biking and the other carrier will run. The Chassell Post Office will be represented tomorrow!

The excitement of planning to do this, has now been replaced by nervous energy and worry.  In my mind, the hills are steep, the winds are coming at me, and I am slowly plugging along. The sweep car is on my tail, patiently waiting for me to complete the 23 mile ride.  AND, on the finish line waits the runner of my team.

I am not sure what prompted me to do this.

I am not a competitive biker person and yet here I am.

The goal of the team is for each of us to complete our parts. I just wish I had the confidence that I was going to do a fair showing.

I believe the reason I am nervous IS that I am out of my element, or comfort zone.

I am stretching myself in ways I have never done before.

And, that makes me anxious sitting with the unknown.

It is my hope, that once I begin pedaling, I will enjoy the ride. It is along Lake Superior, so our view will be breathtaking at times.  I will have to restrain myself from taking pictures.

Being part of a team, makes it seem more serious.  If all I was affecting with my slow times, was me, I would be so okay with it.  I am in the Copperman, and that is a huge accomplishment for me. Finishing it, no matter the time, will be success!

What I also thought of, is that I used to strive for a comfortable life, a life where it was all calm and settled. Where nothing was poking me and unsettling me.  Now, it seems like I am adding items to my life that deliberately make me uncomfortable.

And, it is in the act of being uncomfortable, that we grow.

Living a stagnant life isn't what I want anymore.

I am looking for adventure and new experiences.

This is one that I will look back on with awe.

Anxious for the moment, that I take my seat and begin to pedal!

I am as ready as I will ever be for a biking race this year!  

I love my new bike and the way it allows me to go faster down hill and on the straight stretches, I will have to make good use of those times!  Hills, still take my breath away.

Go Team! Zip 49916!  Oh the memories we will make, Liv and I.