When a breech in a relationship happens, we are often left with wondering what happened.
In one long time relationship I had, we lost the same perception.
In thinking about this, I had to look up the definition of perception.
"the ability to see, hear, or become aware of something through the senses."
and, "the state of being or process of becoming aware of something through the senses."
What I didn't know about perception that it used our bodies/senses.
There is also this "a way of regarding, understanding, or interpreting something; a mental impression."
Perception is a very personal thing, that may or may not have anything to do with reality.
In the last conversation I had with my mother, she proclaimed that we each had a different perception of my father.
She was correct.
But, were there 2 different men?
How her body sensed him and how mine did, was totally different.
Most of our disagreements come from mismatched perceptions.
How then, can we work to make them match?
What is the practice, or art of relating, that can edge each of us closer to having a perception that meets reality?
What I didn't know, was that the body is as much involved with perception as the mental awareness.
Perception is a body and mind understanding of reality.
And, when you have been abused, and your signals are all messed up, it changes the way each of us perceive our worlds.
This is why it is so hard, at times, to understand, how someone can't see the evil right in front of them. It isn't that there is no evil; but rather their perception is off.
I had to work really hard to see things.
It wasn't a natural act for me.
My unnatural abused mind and body read signals incorrectly.
I had to find reality by almost disregarding my body and mind. Yet also listening to my body's feelings deep within.
I had to explore deeply into my mind, body and soul to find the perception that matched reality.
Going against my self to find my real sense of reality.
One of the greatest survival tools we use when abused as children is to leave our realities and create a place that is kinder. We literally change the perception of what is.
It doesn't change reality.
It fakes us out, until we feel safe enough to see the truth of who abused us.
This ability to 'fake us out' is to believe in a perception that isn't true.
And, in doing so, places us in a state of denial.
I know, that it has to be harder to change your perception of someone when that person didn't harm you; but harmed someone you love/know etc.
It is to be one stepped removed and our senses are not involved.
I guess, you have to be able to sense your child's senses.
As a mother, whose child was abused, she would have to have enough empathy to be able to feel the child's pain, in order to change her perception of her abusive husband.
If not, like my mother, she will hold on to her original perception of her husband; and not see the pain of her child.
Perceptions can change and in doing so, change relationships; when our perceptions don't match.
Seeing eye to eye, is more about sensing life in the same way. When our senses don't match, we don't relate to reality the same way.
It isn't that there are multiple realities; or I guess there are. Each of us sees the world with our own senses, and responds in kind.
This so explains the unexplainable behaviors.
We focus on what we sense; and not so much on what there is to see.
Which is why, your perception of me, has nothing to do with me. You are in charge of your perception and how it matches up with the reality of what is.
I love this.
For it explains the many different responses to one reality.
Perception is fickle and unreliable; for it truly lives in the eye of the beholder or in your ability to be aware, through your senses.
What you see or sense about me, has nothing to do with me.
There are as many different versions of me as their are peoples perceptions.
And, none of them matter, as much as how I perceive myself.
Am I honest with me, and what I feel, and authentic with my actions?
All that truly matters at the end of the day, is am I true to me?
The greatest strength to have is to be able to stand by your perceptions, especially when they don't match others; BUT match reality.
