When asking "What is a good day?" you can tell a lot about a person. What has been interesting to me, is that most often the good day is a random day, perhaps one that happens only once a year.
What then are the other days?
I am one of the very lucky ones, that has a random bad day. The rest are good days.
However, I don't believe it was always this way for me.
I too, used to have just a few random good days in a year; the rest were a blur of grey heavy responsible ones. Routine and focusing on the wrong things was what had my complete attention.
When my world fell apart the worst days showed me a part of me that I never met.
The real me, the little me, the inside of me, my emotional me.
A self beneath the me.
This new self was buried under years of denial, religion, societal expectations, fears, and codependency.
I didn't know her.
At all.
Once I became aware of her, I wanted to know more about her.
What she loved?
What made her happy?
Who she felt seen and heard by?
It was to be carrying a new sense of self inside of me.
She had silently lived behind my life.
My Self had yet to live.
For 46 years she hung back, silent and compliant, lifeless.
Little by little I allowed her to live.
We met each choice as if it was new.
What did she want to do?
She learned how to say No.
And, to say Yes to herself.
We became one.
The outer layer of me, dropped away and all that is now left is this me.
The masks are gone.
The pretending.
The pleasing to make others happy etc.
I am a raw self.
Living this unveiled self has brought me not only good days, but days filled with many good moments.
I am aware of the small things.
Time slows down and I feel things.
All the old things that I used to focus on rarely comes in to view.
My inner self enjoys life so much more differently.
The awareness is such that I can't imagine how I lived without it for so many years.
I can't artfully articulate the difference between denial and Me now.
I had to look up the Opposite of Denial to see what it was.
Approval, allowance,permission came up.
I am allowed to be Me.
I have given myself permission to be me.
I approve of being Me.
When this is your core set point, being allowed to be your self and approving of it, all else is frosting on the cake.
I have good days, because I am good being Me.
And, I enjoy and appreciate myself.
What the core belief of my old religion was, 'we are all weak, sinful, etc'.
I no longer hold this within me.
I now come from the place of feeling my unique specialness.
Which is the tone of this blog. I M Perfect, and it is impossible not to be.
When you feel perfect, it is really really hard to have a bad day.
