"Instead of getting into battles over control, we need to engage our children to work with us in a collaborative manner when there's a disagreement.  Notice that I said, "collaborative" and didn't use the word "compromise." When we compromise, we tend to compromise ourselves, selling ourselves out to one degree or another. Although almost everyone thinks people should compromise, to do this is a far cry from the win-win solutions that can be achieved when we move away from a combative or controlling approach and simply collaborate."

"Compromise asks us to sacrifice, surrounding something that may be important to us. In contrast, negotiating in a collaborative manner involves seeking a solution that's win-win for everyone. The difference is that instead of trying to beat the other out of as much territory as possible, by collaboration we search for how everyone can get the best deal. There's no capitulation involved, since the point is to satisfy as many wishes of each individual as possible."

"Compromise comes from a feeling of lack, whereas collaborative negotiation ask us to embrace the insights that life offers us infinite possibilities. When we collaborate, we don't harbor a feeling of scarcity.  Instead, we operate from the assumption that there's enough the universe to make us all happy and we just have to figure out the way to manifest this. When we start from a feeling of infinite possibilities, we quickly realize that there are all kinds of options, plenty of choices."

"To negotiate collaboratively isn't about "keeping the peace," which is usually the reason people compromise themselves. To negotiate collaboratively doesn't eliminate conflict, and the sooner we learn to tolerate each other's different viewpoints, the more readily we will be able to brainstorm a way forward that works for all parties...."  Dr. Shefali Tsabary, Ph.D. "The Awakened Family"

 

This way of working with each other when there is a disagreement will honor each person, instead of the push and pull of control to see who will release a part of themselves for compromise.

I love how this works with the infinite possibilities compared to chopping away at the other person's sense of self.

I believe the more we can stand fully in our own empowerment, and appreciate the same in others, we can then lean in to find a way to collaborate that will enhance all of our lives.

I will no longer compromise; but gladly collaborate with you!