Deep inside me, away from my awareness, lay an expectation of my innocence being acknowledge by the Justice System.
In that dark space hummed doubt until I watched and listened to Judge Aquilina kindly listen, with great respect and attention, to the Gymnasts who came forth. And, the part that really opened up space inside of me; was her response.
Kindness.
Compassion.
Empowered belief - that these victims leave their pain there in the court room, and to out and live a magnificent life.
And, the most important being, that the monster they seen and experienced, was indeed someone that couldn't be in society - free.
When girl upon girl stepped forth and shared her story, she remained open to their pain, letting it come into the courtroom and surround the abuser.
What a great privilege for these girls.
How healing to know, that you are believed by the kind and thoughtful responses Judge Aquilina delivered.
I can't know how general society sees her; but from the eyes and gut of a past victim of abuse, she is what we all hoped for - deeply.
What you didn't hear from her, is "when you call him a monster, it hurts me." My mother's response.
She didn't ask the girls to forgive and forget him.
She didn't doubt the perceptions the girls had.
My list could go on and on about what not to say.
I can't imagine being fully welcomed with open wounds.
I learned early on in my father's case, that the justice system had huge flaws.
Flaws that have gone on for years.
Laws and rules and plea bargains, and innocent until proven guilty etc.
And, perhaps in her court room they still go on.
But, I have never experienced her response from folks that I had expected this response from.
Mostly I had been disappointed over and over.
And, the disappointment was that the system was created for the perpetrators and that the victims had very little power.
Again, in her court room, this still could be the case, but for that one day, in this one case, she was able to open her courtroom and let the victims be heard.
Her ears were gentle and, without doubt or recriminations.
Her eyes clearly saw the injustice these girls suffered in the hands of this man and all who enabled him.
And, to me, an outsider miles away and detached from this case, I was set free.
The littlest seed of doubt was erased.
Here she was, a Judge in the Land. A woman empowered to sentence a pedophile. And, she was talking so kindly to these young women, seeing their power and in some cases handing them their power back.
She was able to give back to them what the pedophile had taken away.
She gave them their voice and held their truth with them unflinching.
What I know to be true for me, is that my biggest hurdle has been that most have come to the defense of my father...in one shade or another.
I am not talking about the supporters that arrive later in the game; but the way family responded, church and friends. How those within the circle rallied for the circle.
I do know, at least that Rachael Denhollander was ostracized for her speaking out, it had to be the top of the mountain she had been climbing, to step in front of Judge Aquilina.
What Rachael and Judge Aquilina have shown me, is that it is possible to hope for the highest point.
Even if the University and USA Gymnastics and the Olympics don't get properly sentenced, others now know what they protect.
This case is a pivotal moment in my life.
And, I know that I would have walked differently after the trial of my father, had I been able to share my story with Judge Aquilina.
She has set in place where the justice system needs to start leaning towards.
The scales of justice needs to find a better balance.
She makes it possible for courtrooms to be a place where victims will feel empowered when they leave that space.
In my father's case, well he was set free.
And, I as a victim felt zero empowerment by the justice system. I felt that they too, had become another person who knew and did nothing.
Hope feels my heart, and I love the spacious feelings I have inside.
I too can go out and live my magnificent life.
Thank you Judge Aquilina!
