IMPERFECT Lady

Rachael Denhollander posted that she will be speaking at an event that is titled "Can we reconcile Justice and Forgiveness" - I look forward to seeing what she has to say, hopefully it will be recorded and posted on YouTube.

I would like to take a stab at that talk.

First of all, are the definitions even similar? Can you find a common denominator?

Justice -  the process or result of using laws to fairly judge and punish crimes and criminals.

 Forgiveness - the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven. Synonyms -pardon, absolution, exoneration, remission, dispensation, mercy.

Justice is about fair judgement and punishment

Forgiveness is about exoneration and mercy; to pardon the behavior.

I do not see a common denominator; a meeting place to begin.

The church wants to pardon without a trial.

Yet, as I wrote that, often sexual assault cases rarely are tried, so perhaps they both are in the business of pardoning.

I am hopeful that the more victims speak up and come forth - we become a force to be reckoned with. 

It will be interesting to see if Rachael is trying to find a way for the religious folk to become educated about justice over forgiveness or in what direction she will go.

The only way I can see forgiveness is to accept that the past cannot be changed; to recognize the crime and criminal. And sadly, the courts in the land are often used to pardon the criminals in sexual abuse crimes. For it is a he said, she said.  And, the victims are often judged more harshly than the perpetrators.

Both sides, in my opinion, need to reconcile in what is a better way to address victims, and to stop the long life of pedophiles.

This reminds me of seeing if there was a common denominator between a father and a pedophile.  I haven't found one yet.

So can we reconcile Justice and Forgiveness?

 Rachael Denhollander, the first woman to speak publicly and file a police report against the most prolific pedophile in sport's history, Larry Nassar.

Your life is your reality at this moment.  It changes as things in your life change.

I was a woman who had a bad hip; but was able to live her life relatively "normal". There were getting to be more and more restrictions and limitations; led by pain.

Now, I am on the other side of surgery. The surgery that I worked out for, the surgery that I lived carefully for, surgery that I needed to stay healthy for...the surgery was the goal.  

Goal accomplished.

I now have to set a new goal.

My past few days are a blur of moving from chair to couch to chair to couch to eventually bed. 

Sedative to say the least.

Pills and water, food and time.

Time to do what?

What to do from a chair or couch.

Can there be a better goal for the down time I am gifted?

I felt a bit better yesterday and decide to make a book.

A picture and word book for my granddaughter and I.

This brought me into a new space while sitting or lying down.

So my new goal will be to keep my mind entertained in exciting ways while sitting or lying down.

It is as if my new world has a crisper focus.

For a few days, I felt lost in the nothingness of sitting.

I had to remember to be creative.

I don't want this time to be just days and hours of space staring.

I have been given a respite from the daily tossing of mail.

The luxury of being home.

For days at a time.

The new me will be a woman in downtime mode.

Resting and recovering for future busy time.

My pain already is less.

My mind less foggy, due to less pain pills.

Apathy is replaced with things I can do sitting down.

A book of Grandma Beth and Sylvi seems like a fun place to start!

It was a weird feeling to lay on a gurney saying good-bye to an original body part.  To let a piece of you go.  I was grateful to my hip that it carried me to this point.  For months I worried that it wasn't strong enough to make it; but it had.  Through all the pain, it held me upright while I worked, snowshoed and hiked. Yet saying good-bye was a bit emotional, knowing it had done its best but it was time to go. It had brought me to the finish line. I was in line for an operating room.

And, it was equally odd to try and set the tone to accept a piece of hardware that wasn't a living source.  I told my cells to accept this new titanium hip. That this new one will carry us on more adventures and let us live with less pain.

I knew it would be a shock to us all.

As I entered into the operating room, the first person I saw was dressed in a hazmat suit with shield and full body coverings.  A gizmo that looked like a torture piece....and then I said, "While curious, it is best I not see anymore."

A shot was given to numb me from the waist down, and medicine was administered to put me to sleep. I watched the needle go into my IV and then I was awakened in recovery.

The exchange had happened. Out with the old in with the new, while I slept.

Oddly enough all that I feel is missing is that old pain.

I recognize the new hip by new pain.

Evidence of surgery is a small bandaged area in my upper thigh and lower belly.

Granted it is ouchy when I move or try to lift that leg into bed, and when I go up and down steps and sometimes when I walk.  It is a different kind of pain.

And, I am still on painkillers. So, we can't know the real story yet.

All my worries were unfounded.  I am much less handicapped than I had imagined.

I do need others to carry my walker from level to level.  I have tools that assist me in getting dressed or picking up stuff out of my reach.

I am learning to receive help.  I have friends who are helping with meals. I live with wonderful caregivers. I am grateful I have help as I transition from old hip to new.

On our drive home we stopped a small diner for a late lunch and I was greeted by a non-handicapped bathroom. One where my walker wouldn't even fit in and the seat was very low.  I managed; but with pain.  You don't really appreciate the luxury of handicapped stalls until you need one.

It was amazing to me, that 4 hours after getting the new hip I was walking with assistance from my walker.  I was moving, standing and putting weight on the new leg!

And, 24 hours later, I was discharged to go home and rest and heal.

I sleep really well, better than with my old hip.

I was given the license to be lazy.  I can only be up and about 10 minutes out of every hour. I have to do my exercise twice a day and elevate my legs three times a day.

I am still on lots of meds, so I am fairly sleepy.

I am allowing my body to heal from the shock of replacement.

I am learning to receive and be the care of the caregivers.

I feel hopeful that the new hip and I will go many places and experience an adventurous life that my old hip could no longer give me.

 

 

 My job is to listen to my body and surgeon for the best healing.