I have tried blogging about the MSU case and the Sister Survivors and my experiences, trying to show how upside down and backwards it all is.
I feel like typing this is banging my head against the wall, that there are no words to make sense of the insensible.
And, at the same time it brings me comfort to know I am not the only one who feels the struggle for change.
Who will be the leaders of this change?
Can it be driven by the victims?
Will 200 plus women be enough to swing the power into their favor?
How many victims will it take?
I know for my case, that there is not enough public sharing of abuse from those within the church, and I am very doubtful that I will see it in my lifetime.
There is a deeper desire for the validity of their faith. Their faith matters much more than what a child is worth.
I have seen it over and over.
When I have a dialogue about abuse within families within the church, I am accused of wanting them to give up their faith.
They truly can't see how they can hold on to their faith and save a child from abuse.
To me, this is a horrible tangle to be stuck in.
It isn't about the dialogue about abuse at all; but of faith.
And, same goes for when abuse happens within family, it isn't about abuse but it becomes about the value of family. And, the value of family so far has trumped the worth of a child.
A relationship with a sister is more valuable.
Same goes for mother etc.
The smallest most silent among us are the most vulnerable and unprotected due simply to our allegiances.
What will it take to make us value a child over our long term relationship with family and religion?
Is it even possible to get in between those ironclad feelings and thoughts?
What I know, is that there has been nothing I have written about or said that has changed anyone's mind.
A child will not be able to make itself worth more than a parent...let alone equal.
I was able to give myself worth.
But, that doesn't make others see me as worthy.
Although, I do feel that the numbers of victims coming forth is very helpful in making it more the norm and empowering to speak up. And, if we can't change the organizations, we can become worthy victims.
We can take back our power.
I exited the places that did not value me.
They were not worthy of my presence.
Maybe the world will change by making the victims feel their worth.
Which, I believe is what Judge Aquilina did. She believes that the women who came into her courtroom carrying their pain, would be able to go out and do magnificent things. She believed in their ability to go beyond their wounds and find their worth.
Perhaps the greatest thing that can come from all of this is for the victims to find their power.
To become empowered to live their truths and rise above them.
All else seems like madness. How can we change the very place where the crimes took place?
Our best bet is to go on and truly do magnificent things!
Thanks Judge Aquilina, it is the best place to focus.
