IMPERFECT Lady

We call living.

I am in my 9th week of recovery, this week I have returned to work, biked and hiked - and the hip is holding up well.

Recovery pain is different than the pain of injury.

It is more like fitness pain.

Each time the pain gets less and the achievement becomes more.

In fact, I can see the potential of going further than I have ever been before.  Where the pain would stop me, I see an open space now.

The surgeon said, I will feel good at 3 months, and notice a remarkable difference at 6 months and will continue to heal for up to a year. 

I am excited to see where this new hip will take me.

The more I do things I love, the more I realize how fortunate I am.  I was able to get rid of the pain and rejoin life.  

Not only rejoin, but to find new adventures.

Life has the potential to be as full as you choose to make it - when you are without pain.

I am okay starting out slow.  

Slow is still moving.  

It is still being outside in nature and feeling the body growing stronger.

Life isn't as heavy when you are pain free.

The weight and pull of pain is no longer an anchor.

I now have the thrill or pull of potential.

Life and doing what I love seems possible; once again!

The recovery from physical pain is much less daunting than from emotional pain and I believe we do it a bit differently.

Emotional pain's needs are different and require us to change maybe our hearts and our souls.

Emotional pain is unseen.

It follows you everywhere like a bad soundtrack to your life.

Emotions can not be surgically removed.

Emotional pain requires you to create a life that supports it.

I will ponder this more, how different the recovery is for emotional pain.

I know, it was life changing, soul wrenching, and I became a different person through its recovery.

And, perhaps I will become a different person again when healed from my physical pain too.  

Life, while living may require many changes in who we are.

I love this.

Like Art expressing itself as life.

The circles we engage life in, change and expand and contract, and evolve as we do.

I love the ever changing landscape we call living. 

 

 

 

 

Nature of home

We traveled over to Martha's Vineyard by ferry.  I wasn't expecting there to be so many open beaches; I pictured the shorelines all privately owned.

This sign appeared by a sandy road heading towards the beach, a sign that said you are welcome to drive, if you dare.

My husband put it in four wheel drive and on we went.  What a fabulous beach this road led to.

In the middle of Martha's Vineyard is this wide open public beach!  I am sure mid-summer, it would be much busier than we found it.

I was so excited to be near the ocean and on sandy beaches!

And, I think the mail jeep loved the adventure as well.  Oh the new sights we seen, and traveling truly does expand your mind. 

Driving down the beach on the Vineyard, can it get any better than this!

The majority of our time was spent seeking new sights, traveling down roads, and up hills and mountains.

Nature is a canvas that stretches far beyond what our minds can hold.

The ocean beating against the rocky shore made incredible sounds!  While many flocked to this sight, to see Kennebunkport and the Bush summer place, I loved the shore!

I loved the wooden pathways that wound their way to the sea. The smell of the ocean, the sounds of the waves and the emptiness of it all, was simply perfect. 

Traveling off season, we were mostly free of crowds. 

It was hard to enjoy and capture the feelings of the vineyards.  It would be so fun to go back with my bike and a few days to ride. 

All the shorelines I visited along the ocean were unique and fun to see.

So many miles to explore. I walked short distances and tried to bring in the beauty I saw. This recovery road trip not only helped with my physical recovery, but soothed my soul.

These shores allow us to come and breathe in peace.

I loved the beaches before the summer season begins

And the very early sunrise - 5am the beaches are empty and full of nature's beauty.

We travel without an agenda, no real destination in mind. We wake and wonder the roads and make choices as they appear. 

I am so grateful for being able to see and experiences new places.  It has inspired me to travel and see more of the nature of this planet.

My heart and soul was very happy to have seen so much, and very happy to be back home.

Nature of home.

 

Road to recovery!

I highly recommend travel recovery; where you take a road trip while recovering from surgery. Not physically able to work, but yet in good shape to be a tourist.

I walked sandy beaches...

And rocky shorelines.

Climbed a  few steps.

 

Steps leading to new views are way more exciting.

One tower was too high for me to climb, but just going part way was my therapy for the day.

While walking around each new little town searching for art and interesting things I took many steps and usually investigated each shop until my hip hurt.

New England narrow streets held many little shops.

And I went down many paths to smell the scents of spring/summer.

10 days so far of seeing sights I have never seen before, traveling through states I have never visited. How grateful am I to recover as I travel along. That my therapy steps have been on all new territory for me!

We are still on the road but heading towards home and further on the road to recovery!

 

 

Together!

Today I looked at my wedding album, a small, very small plastic one, with just a dozen or so pictures. Small amateur 3 x 2 snapshots of our special day. 

It's a reflection of how my old religion, and society in general, looked upon a couple who were expecting a child before marriage. 

We were supposed to keep it quiet and small.

Shameful.

Yet, I don't remember that day as being one of shame; but of happiness and love!

One of my biggest regrets was that we didn't have professional pictures taken.

These small blurry and now fading pictures are all we have of that day.

My estrangement leaps out as soon as I opened the album, for in it is Family.  

Pretty much just family.  My husband's best friend was his best man, so he was there; other than that, family.

All my memories from long ago, will now carry a bittersweet tone.

The girl in the pictures has come along way.

I love my innocence in not knowing what I didn't know. It is incredible to me how I lived beneath the closed mind.

How I was able to love and nurture, and parent, is beyond what my mind can hold?  In fact, I wasn't able to truly love, until I fell apart and found the real me.

The greatest challenge our marriage faced was my self-discovery and undoing the brainwashing of a strict religion.

Who I was when I married and who I would become, are so far apart.  

It is a tribute to my husband, for he allowed me to undo. 

We laid aside our marriage in order for me to discover who I was and in doing so made our marriage stronger. A marriage is as strong as the two individuals contained within.

Our greatest strength is our ability to be authentically original!

I love who I am so much more today, than who I was back in those pictures. I love the freedom I have to make choices, grow and expand Me.

Our marriage began with love, passion and unique individuals and it continues today!

Looking back, there was no way to predict how my journey would change me and how my marriage would support the freedom to be me.

I believe, love is free.

It has no chains or fences.

It is the wide open space of love.

Inclusive and requires the integrity of truth.

Happy Anniversary to Us!

We have come a long way together!

 

 

 

Peace inside of Me!

I am thinking, that I am now shopping by feel.  It is the feel of the fabric itself and then the way it feels on me, and not so much about how it looks.

I am no longer able to handle clothes that hurt me.

And, I believe if I feel comfortable, I look comfortable in my own skin.

This may be what "old" feels like.  Doing what you love, instead of what is in fashion1

I think Sylvi and I shop the same way, we are delighted when we find something that makes us smile inside!  I hope that I wear it the same way, with complete blissful abandon, which is what it feels like.  

How nice to either be so young and innocent to not care or even know about fashion rules  OR to be too old to care!

I do my art by feelings.  I shop for fabrics and beads by feelings. They have to stir something inside of me.  I am now doing the same for my clothes.  I am no longer drawn to the fads or fashions, but shopping from the inside out!

I mean, look at her wearing her Cat Hat, does she care if others like it? No, the best thing is that she LOVES it!

I am not sure who is following who, but we agree - do what you love and it will shine outward into your life!

Live by how it feels inside.

I am so grateful to be living a life that is completely at peace inside of me!

 

Endless without Pain

Today marks six weeks since surgery and I feel at least 10 years younger!

It is quite remarkable how pain is so dense, and quite heavy to carry.

Like a negative friend who tries to drag you down with magnetic pull into a small life.

I didn't realize just how much of my energy was used up dealing with the pain, until it is more or less gone. Now all my energies are spent living.

I feel like I have been given a new lease on life.  

The adventures that now seem possible, has opened up my horizon!

I am so grateful that my pain was removable, that surgery deleted it from my life.

I also recognize, not all pain disappears so easily.

And, wonder more about the emotional pain we carry.

What does this do to a life?

How many negative magnetic pulls are stealing your life energies?

While removing people and situations that are negative isn't as easy as surgery, it is most necessary.

I feel the quiet calm of peace inside my life now. 

It was up to me to remove the parts of my life that were causing me pain and sucking the life blood out of me.

I do not believe we are meant to live a life full of pain and suffering.

Especially, when there are things we can do to remove the pain.

I understand, that there are some pains that will challenge you to live above them. To carry them along; but not let them define you. 

I was dragging a bad hip around with me, like a grumpy friend. I tried really hard to not let it drive my life; but instead to be in the passenger seat or even in the way back of the jeep.

Physical pain and emotional pain are different and will require different responses from us.

I guess, what I will take away from my hip surgery, is that we need to pay attention to pain of any kind and remove it when we can.

Living with chronic pain isn't something I have experience with. I would love to know how others live above it.

As for living with chronic dysfunction - I have some experience with that and chronic denial, and I work to set up boundaries against it.

Now I know it is to protect my good energies!

What I know for sure today, is life is so much brighter, broader and endless without pain!