Edge States - from "A View From the Edge" by Joan Halifax
"Over the years, I slowly became aware of five internal and interpersonal qualities that are keys to a compassionate and courageous life, and without which we cannot serve , nor can we survive. Yet if these precious resources deteriorate, they can manifest as dangerous landscapes that cause harm. I call these bivalent qualities Edge States."
"The Edge States are altruism, empathy, integrity, respect, and engagement, assets of mind and heart that exemplify caring, connection, virtue and strength. Yet we can also lose our firm footing on the high edge of any of these qualities and slide into a mire of suffering where we find ourselves caught in the toxic and chaotic waters of the harmful aspects of an Edge State."
"Altruism can turn into pathological altruism. Selfless actions is service to others are essential to the well-being of society and the natural world. But sometimes, our seemingly altruistic acts harm us, harm those whom we are trying to serve, or harm the institutions we serve in."
"Empathy can slide into empathic distress. When we are able to sense into the suffering of another person, empathy brings us closer to one another, can inspire us to serve, and expands our understanding of the world. But if we take on too much of the suffering of another, and identify too intensely with it, we may become damaged and unable to act."
"Integrity points to having strong moral principles. But when we engage in or witness acts that violate our sense of integrity, justice, or beneficence, moral suffering can be the outcome."
"Respect is a way we hold beings and things with high regard. Respect can disappear into the swamp of toxic disrespect, the we go against the grain of values and principles of civility, and disparage others or ourselves."
"Engagement in our work can give a sense of purpose and meaning to our lives, particularly if our work serves others. But overwork, a poisonous work place, and the experience of the lack of efficacy can lead to burnout,which can cause physical and psychological collapse."
"Like a doctor who diagnoses and illness before recommending a treatment, I felt compelled to explore the destructive side of these five virtuous human qualities. Along the way, I was surprised to learn that even in their degraded forms, Edge State can teach and strengthen us, just as bone and muscle are strengthened when exposed to stress, or if broken or torn, can heal in the right circumstances and become stronger for having been injured."
"In other words, losing our footing and sliding down the slope of harm need not be a terminal catastrophe. there is humility, perspective, and wisdom that can be gained from our greatest difficulties. In her book "The Sovereignty of Good (1970), Iris Murdoch defined humility as a "selfless respect for reality." She writes that "our picture of ourselves has become too grand." This I discovered from sitting at the bedside of dying people and being with caregivers. Doing this close work with those who were dying and this who were giving care showed me how serious the costs of suffering can be for the patient as well as the caregiver. Since that time, I have learned from teachers, lawyers, CEOs, human rights workers, and parents that they can experience the same. I was then reminded of something profoundly important and yet completely obvious: that the way out of the storm and mud of suffering, the way back to freedom on the high edge of strength and courage is through the power of compassion. This is why I took a deep dive into trying to understand what Edge States are and how they can shape our lives and the life of the world." Joan Halifax
Okay, this is on page 4, so I have lots to read.
However, what I love so far is that she is sharing the dark side of what we believe are good states.
I have intuitively known this -first by my own experiences, and then, by watching others become harmed.
There is a dark side to handling suffering.
It isn't as simple as I have been led to believe.
This dark side, I believe is very much alive in dysfunctional homes and cult-like religions.
The debate I had with myself over and over again, about my own sense of empath or integrity, now makes sense.
The real debate was more about entering into the dark side.
Often it literally felt like I was on the edge, and the fine line was hard to stand on.
Too much feeling wasn't better.
And, just because I sensed their pain, it didn't mean I had to enter into it and lose myself.
What I know to be true to me, if the actions of empathy or respect, is harmful to me, it isn't a good action.
And, I have often been ridiculed for my lack of actions.
This book, so far explains why much better than I could have articulated with words.
I knew this; but it certainly helps to have someone else write about it.
Edge States - the good and the bad lie together.
