As I followed along on a Facebook feed, my feelings were of frustration.
Frustration of two different viewpoints not really understanding the other.
Their intentions to be heard, fell on deaf ears; neither side making inroads into a topic that is hard to speak about, let alone hear.
Sexual assault victims
Convicted rapist
And, those of us looking at it from the outside.
Who do you believe and what side are you going to speak from.
What is unusual about this case, is that even if the court of the land found him guilty, some are still unbelievers. Some place equal parts guilt upon the 16 year old girl; where she was, and her drunken state.
What many fail to appreciate, is how they are unintentionally contributing to the rape culture.
Did you know, when you question the actions of the victim, you are trying to lessen the blame the rapist holds.
Did you know when you place doubts on the courts, you are trying to get us to see his innocence.
Did you know you are ignoring his rape, when you agree that he is a young man of faith and character. Besides, give me one common denominator between a rapist and a man of character.
Did you know when you are arguing with those who are concerned about his release, you are ignoring the threat he is.
Did you know, we know we will be challenged MORE, than you are challenging his reputation, and speak out anyway. Trying to break the culture of rape. Trying to break the silence of victims and to support them.
Did you know, victims of sexual assault KNOW you will be gunning for them, when they speak up about your friend, a church member, a family member, and still they do so, in order to help save another girl from meeting the rapist unaware.
Did you know, that victims are speaking up, not to wreck a reputation or ruin someone's character, or for the money. They are speaking up to stop another girl from walking in their shoes.
Did you know your loud angry voices, are exactly why many are silent.
Did you know your doubt, is the second assault upon them.
Did you know you creating a unsafe place to report sexual assault, allows the perpetrators to continue making new victims.
Did you know you are collaborators with the perpetrators unwittingly, when you look doubtfully upon the victim.
Did you know that there are more who stand with the perpetrators, than who stand with the victims.
Did you know that when we change the way we treat victims, more victims will come forth.
Did you know that the more victims are believed, the less victims there will be.
Did you know that perpetrators need victims to be silent, in order to maintain their lifestyle of preying upon those less powerful.
Did you know by disempowering victims, you are leaving them vulnerable to the next perpetrator.
Did you know that your voice can either be raised to empower victims or to doubt them, to empower perpetrators or disempower them.
Did you know, it is rare for the perpetrator be without champions. Friends and family will be the first to raise doubts when it comes to a flaw in his/her character. They will be unbelievers in his criminal life.
I truly believe that many are not aware of how their words affect the culture of rape.
I truly believe that many are innocently trying to educate and push back against what they feel is unjust and unfair treatment of a person who has done the time for the crime. They want bygones to be bygones. They want their world to readjust back to what it was before the crime.
And, yet a crime did happen.
A new victim was born.
A life was changed forever.
There is no going back to her normal.
Trauma changes who you were born to be.
While the debate goes on, other women and young girls witness the exchange and wonder about their own secrets, who to tell, if to tell, what to believe, who to believe...
As I sit here, 60 years old, 14 years after my sexual assault was exposed, I know that it is better to speak out, even if the whole world doesn't believe you, you believe you enough to speak out.
It is part of the healing process. To speak up, to take back your power from the perpetrator and those who unwittingly support him. It is healing to even argue with the other side, for it makes you look deeply into what you value.
It also makes you look directly at the culture of rape that held your perpetrator up.
You find out quickly, who is with you and who is doubting you. Who the believers are and who is an unbeliever.
So, as the debate begins to fizzles out again.
I hope there are women/girls out there who are finding their own strength and power to speak up. Who will not sit silently by to become part of the rape culture.
Did you know, you are either shining a light against abuse, or trying to keep it in the dark.
